To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

[Yudl]

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

At 13 they dont need collecting so it wouldnt matter. My 11 year buses then walks.

YABU. You don't need to do the pick ups. Other parent/family member/paid help.

Or organise a rota with other working parents. That's what some people do in my DCs' classes.

You reckon? Mine haven’t and my son is in Year 5. I leave the house at 3.20 and am home by 3.40pm.

So many people in my company have their diaries booked out from 3 till 4 ish. I wonder what they could be doing….they are all picking up their kids.

Mine needs collecting - no buses and too far to walk.

If they are paying that kind of salary, depending on the role, one might also argue that she is senior and grown up enough to decide when she actually works, and should be trusted to just get on and do the work, and doesn't need micromanaging to check whether she is at her desk every minute of the day.

So they're offering you slightly more money for fewer hours? Take the job, but do less because you'll be working part-time, and absolutely no way I'd be working evenings.

If it's a new employer do double check they're not expecting full time work for less pay, and your perks, terms & conditions, bonus eligibility, and if you've been at your current employer for more than 2 years you are a bit more protected.

I actually feel like it's a penalty to CF women

@owlexpress I'm so used to reading Cheeky Fucker I had to think for a moment there 😂

How does that work if the work is time sensitive?

Do they let other members of staff work flexibly? If they do, and they've just said no to you because you've asked specifically about a small window to pop out to collect your kids, then yeah, that feels a little unreasonable.
If they don't offer flexible working, then it's not unreasonable to turn you down.
It also depends what sort of job it is - lots of meetings and working with others means it makes sense to mandate everyone works office hours, lots of independent work, or prepping presentations means it makes less sense.

They may have offered you less pay, but they're offering you it for less hours too - you'd not have to log back on after you got DD, which (alongside a small payrise), would probably make a big difference to lots of people, and it's something you should seriously consider.

Are they not being unreasonable to not want to pay you nearly £50 per hour, for 'working' whilst you are looking after your kid. Are you being serious?

As a manger of a team of 7, I actually find that in most cases being really flexible with employees benefits the company as employees appreciate it and in return are flexible, although you have to be fair to employees with and without children. We have very low turnover and everyone works hard.

We have 2 team members who drop their children off at school and pick them up, they do have their children with them after school but will log back on if they need to when the children go to bed.

We also have a team member who visits her elderly mother every day when she works from home, sometimes this is done in her lunch break but other days she spends longer there but then logs on early the next morning.

We also have some team members who do not have any caring responsibilities, but still allow them flexibility around working hours. I don't monitor hours for any of them, if the work is being done and deadlines are being met then I have no concerns.

It's not a motherhood penalty.

The privilege is strong in this one.

If they’re paying that kind of salary, they can expect OP to use some of it to pay for childcare - like millions of other parents do.

I think YABU, unless they are paying you for fewer hours but still expecting you to work after 3.30. You need to organise childcare - after school club/childminder/nanny - which should be affordable with the pay rise.

I say this as someone who has got a job where my shift ends at 2.30 so I can collect DS who has some additional needs and can't do the afterschool childcare - it's not a motherhood penalty, just an employer who will only pay for the hours you can do, it sounds like they wouldn't be flexible whether it was caring for an adult, looking after a pet or going to a gym class. My sister has a really flexible job where as long as she does her required hours over a week, she could pause for any of those reasons, your job doesn't sound like it's flexible in that way.

Afterschool club
Grandparent
Childminder

Maybe a rotation is best.

This is a joke right?

I do get this isn't possible everywhere - but let's say for arguments sake, the OP could work the same overall hours, do the same work, not inconvenience anyone (and flexible working isn't restricted to parents only) would you still object?
Whilst if you don't have kids it can seem like parents expect the moon on a stick, most of us are trying to be good at our jobs and still being present for our children and frankly - wider society needs children (future tax payers) so you do still benefit from other people doing the dirty work of procreating 😁😁

The hours they need a,re the hours they need. It's not your employer's job to accommodate picking up your child from school. Why can't you pay for an after-school nanny or childminder out of your £95k?

At my company this would get her sacked.

After a lot of WFH abuse, parents are required to provide proof, monthly, that they are paying a childminder/nanny/wraparound care etc. during the employee's working hours (less school hours if the child is old enough.)

Being expected to work stated hours is not a "motherhood penalty" FFS. It's not the employer's problem whether you want to be absent to watch your kids, work out, watch Netflix or take a nap.

Where do you all live that this isn't the wage of the head of the council or a CEO? For that wage I would be willing to bet a male predecessor would be out playing golf for hours, so maybe you can mention that. Networking at school gates can be just as handy (and a few hours quicker).

The real world.

But clearly that’s not possible or else they’d have offered it to her - so it’s a moot point really.

I have no issue with flexible working (in fact I want self employed to be more flexible) but it has to work for everyone, not just the employee.

I don’t understand why you can’t use wrap around childcare? It’s absolutely not ok to be looking after your kids whilst you’re being paid to do a job!

It really isn’t. Millions of parents do this. Look how ‘quiet’ things go between 3pm-4pm when people WFH. My husband is currently WFH upstairs. I’m in an office downstairs. One child is on their iPad in the playroom, the other is searching for snails in the garden. I finish in 33 mins and will start their dinner.

My DH nipped out for 20 mins today and got them, from school at 3.25 but I’ll do it tmrw. It’s not been mentioned by either of our employers in the 4-5 years we’ve been doing it, it’s just not an issue.

I think ‘flexible working’ is massively oversold and is not really all that possible for most working parents.

And if it does exist it’s you can work part-time for less money, or maybe leaving 30 mins early to make nursery pick ups. Being able to be totally flexible isn’t usually possible as it doesn’t suit the employers needs.

The issue with wanting to do a daily 330 pick up is that is probably more like 3pm tools down, then out for any length of time, then distracted as child at home. This might mean 2.30 hours of the normal working day you aren’t available, like losing a quarter of the working week.

The flexibility you are being offered is in working part time for less money, being offered the same amount for less hours isn’t flexible working it’s basically a pay increase.