Page 4 | To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 16:30

Beamur · 13/05/2025 15:50

Personally I think it's very short sighted of employers not to allow some flexibility around parenting. As long as you do the required work and the required hours, does it really matter if you're unavailable for an hour or two?

Why should they allow flexibility for some lifestyle choices but not others?

I prefer to garden in the morning; should I be able to start at 11am at the same pay as those who work 9-5, in order to service my particular lifestyle choice?

Workers need to be available at times dictated by the employer. Claiming that is a "motherhood penalty" is entitled bullshit.

Zanatdy · 13/05/2025 16:30

You need to pay for childcare.

MidnightPatrol · 13/05/2025 16:31

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:25

Where do you all live that this isn't the wage of the head of the council or a CEO? For that wage I would be willing to bet a male predecessor would be out playing golf for hours, so maybe you can mention that. Networking at school gates can be just as handy (and a few hours quicker).

Edited

Not at all uncommon in the South East now.

purpleme12 · 13/05/2025 16:31

With that salary just pay for after school club!!

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 16:32

Viviennemary · 13/05/2025 16:04

YABU. I would be reluctant to employ somebody with your entitled attitude.

Where I work, after we were burned numerous times, it just so happens by great "coincidence" that none of our hires in recent years have been women of childbearing age. We find things are fairer to ALL employees when no one gets special reproduction-related privileges.

OurManyEnds · 13/05/2025 16:33

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:25

Where do you all live that this isn't the wage of the head of the council or a CEO? For that wage I would be willing to bet a male predecessor would be out playing golf for hours, so maybe you can mention that. Networking at school gates can be just as handy (and a few hours quicker).

Edited

You think the OP should mention in salary negotiations that it’s a penalty on her womanhood because a male given her position would be pissing about playing golf?

Goodbye, very generous job offer…

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:35

BIossomtoes · 13/05/2025 16:26

The real world.

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Our council has the "Head of Paid Services and Director of Corporate Services" as their top earner and it is £127k pa, so only 30k off. 1 role for the entire council. It is not a common wage, especially if you aren't "allowed" to take lunch at 3:30 to do the school run, for example.

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:36

OurManyEnds · 13/05/2025 16:33

You think the OP should mention in salary negotiations that it’s a penalty on her womanhood because a male given her position would be pissing about playing golf?

Goodbye, very generous job offer…

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I was saying it tongue in cheek, clearly.
God MN these days has become very touchy.

BotterMon · 13/05/2025 16:36

Just wait until they say you have to be in an office! YABVU OP.

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:37

MidnightPatrol · 13/05/2025 16:31

Not at all uncommon in the South East now.

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In a role where you can't amend working hours to wrap around kids?
Although I do agree with others that this is enough of a salary to actually pay for a childminder (even in the South East).

Overthebow · 13/05/2025 16:38

I don’t think it’s a motherhood penalty. Not many employers would be happy with this. Who is looking after your kids once home if you are working? Why can’t the go to after school club or a child minder?

OurManyEnds · 13/05/2025 16:39

Wasn’t being touchy @OliverCrumblewellit wasn’t obvious to me that you were being tongue in cheek.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 13/05/2025 16:39

Moveoverdarlin · 13/05/2025 16:29

It really isn’t. Millions of parents do this. Look how ‘quiet’ things go between 3pm-4pm when people WFH. My husband is currently WFH upstairs. I’m in an office downstairs. One child is on their iPad in the playroom, the other is searching for snails in the garden. I finish in 33 mins and will start their dinner.

My DH nipped out for 20 mins today and got them, from school at 3.25 but I’ll do it tmrw. It’s not been mentioned by either of our employers in the 4-5 years we’ve been doing it, it’s just not an issue.

It doesn't go quiet at mine! It might be industry dependent - I have a friend who WFH and does pickups (and works well over her contracted hours) and no-one blinks an eyelid, but in my industry, which is fast paced and client focused, it wouldn't wash at all.

Jamandtoastfortea · 13/05/2025 16:39

£75k and you get to finish at 3 and pick up your child? I’d snap their hands off! Otherwise just get a nanny or asc for the last few hours of the day.

JoyousEagle · 13/05/2025 16:40

Beamur · 13/05/2025 16:23

I do get this isn't possible everywhere - but let's say for arguments sake, the OP could work the same overall hours, do the same work, not inconvenience anyone (and flexible working isn't restricted to parents only) would you still object?
Whilst if you don't have kids it can seem like parents expect the moon on a stick, most of us are trying to be good at our jobs and still being present for our children and frankly - wider society needs children (future tax payers) so you do still benefit from other people doing the dirty work of procreating 😁😁

I wouldn’t object at all to the business agreeing with OP’s request if it worked for them. I just also don’t think they’re unreasonable to not like it.

rainingsnoring · 13/05/2025 16:40

75k to work until 3pm sounds pretty good or you could pay for after school care. It isn't a motherhood penalty, the same would apply to a father.

Danikm151 · 13/05/2025 16:41

This isn’t the motherhood penalty.

You could arrange afterschool care as a lot of other parents do. If you are working and caring for a child at the same time you aren’t devoting all your attention to work.

The motherhood penalty would be not getting a promotion because you might need days off to care for a child. not being offered other roles because you had maternity leave. not being offered a job because you are of childbearing age.

You have been offered flexibility- yes that means a lower pay but you will be working less hours.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/05/2025 16:42

Its potentially a parenthood penalty? But the employers are actually being pretty reasonable here.

Personally, at £20k gross I would find a CM who will do school pick up and 3.30-6 childcare for you.

Sirzy · 13/05/2025 16:42

It’s no wonder so many work places are wanting to move back to people in the office more!

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/05/2025 16:42

BIossomtoes · 13/05/2025 15:36

Maybe you could use some of your £95k to pay someone. Like thousands of other parents.

Yes.

faerietales · 13/05/2025 16:43

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/05/2025 16:42

Its potentially a parenthood penalty? But the employers are actually being pretty reasonable here.

Personally, at £20k gross I would find a CM who will do school pick up and 3.30-6 childcare for you.

How is it a parenthood penalty?

faerietales · 13/05/2025 16:44

rainingsnoring · 13/05/2025 16:40

75k to work until 3pm sounds pretty good or you could pay for after school care. It isn't a motherhood penalty, the same would apply to a father.

I was going to say similar - 75k to finish at 3pm everyday sounds fucking amazing to me.

MidnightPatrol · 13/05/2025 16:45

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:35

Our council has the "Head of Paid Services and Director of Corporate Services" as their top earner and it is £127k pa, so only 30k off. 1 role for the entire council. It is not a common wage, especially if you aren't "allowed" to take lunch at 3:30 to do the school run, for example.

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If I was looking for a highly paid job, the council wouldn’t be the first place I was looking!

Statistically, about 5-6% of the working population earn this wage of wage or above, so1 in 20 people. If in London it could be more like 1 in 10 (I don’t have stats but wages are typically highest there).

An experienced professional / senior manager in any number of fields could hope to command a salary of this sort.

Melonmango70 · 13/05/2025 16:46

Yudl · 13/05/2025 15:31

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

Bloody hell. Imagine earning 95k per year! Wow. Childminder? It's not a "Motherhood" penalty, it's just work hours.

CalleOcho · 13/05/2025 16:46

YABU and sound very entitled.

What do you expect parents do who work in jobs such as customer service, hospitality, retail, public services, construction, healthcare etc? They can’t have flexibility to pick their kids up and then carry on working from home.

Use your extra salary to fund childcare or stay at your current job that has arrangements that work for you.