To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

[Yudl]

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

Pay for childcare or after school clubs. You can’t work and look after your child at the same time.

After school club?

If you are the wrong colour, or religion, or sexual orientation they will search for something else. They are not supposed to even ask you about those things, but they get pretty close. It should be on merit and experience only.

Did you ask them, or did they ask you about child minding? I am not sure if they are legally able to ask you that.

it sounds like she said after accepting the officer 'by the way I sign off at 330 every day to collect my child and then work from home with my child there being inadequately supervised' and they said 'no, you can stop working if you're actually in charge of your child' and the OP didn't like this either. Clearly didn't come up in the interview as the person has already accepted the role.

OP, ignore the posters saying you’re being unreasonable, you’re not. At that level of salary you should be able to manage your own time. It sounds like this organisation wants to micromanage you and isn’t the one for you.

I’m paid more than that, and make every sports day, every concert, every assembly. Some days I leave early to collect the kids from school and work later. Some weeks i just do my core hours and other weeks I work weekends and pull all nighters because that’s what’s required. One of my colleagues leaves to collect her adult child from college at 3 pm every single day and we work around it. I’ve done calls while walking to and from school to get my kids. I used to work with a very very senior finance leader who left at 4 pm on day every single week to coach his kid’s football team and simply wasn’t available no matter what else was going on. You just make it work. At that level you’re paid for performance, not hours, and I think a number of posters on this thread don’t understand that.

You et al have these high achieving jobs yet are out of office,unavailable during day. Genuinely if the organisation and colleagues manage effectively in your absence you’re not actually that important or necessary. If the work is reallocated,delayed,or reassigned whilst you are all absent coaching,collecting and parenting you’re actually not as pivotal as you think.

You are kidding yourself on with mantras about performance. Maybe that works in sales or a target driven environment.

In professional workplace you’re paid for ability to step up when required. Your expertise and oversight is required as well as your presence.

@WutheringTights

I am also paid in that region and I would reiterate what I said up thread - I get plenty of flexibility and can almost always attend school events etc (right now I am on my way back from a personal appointment and I reshuffled my diary to allow for it).

But there is a huge difference between occasional flexibility and every single day working less than a full day.. Especially as a single parent, she isn't able to work a weekend or pull an all nighter when required as you do to compensate

I mean, you’re entitled to your own opinions, but the examples I gave are all real people who are very highly regarded within their own organisations. You’re deluded if you think that boards of large organisations care how their senior leaders structure their days, so long as the organisation itself performs. My very generous recent bonus tells me that my board are very very happy with my performance even though I work flexibly.

I mean how an organisation structures itself is going to vary. Some areas have more need for set structure, some can be flexible around performance and some require on site at precise hours. There’s no ‘once you hit 92K a year you have no one paying attention to your hours’ rule.

where I work there are core hours and everyone should be available for meetings and calls within those times. Or you put in a flexible working request and make a different plan. It’s not a place that’s based on specific targets, senior managers are there often to escalate issues to so need to be available for their staff 9-5

so,with all your experience and wisdom you’re advising a woman to take a pay cut and potentially put her career on a slower trajectory because you and your colleagues are all coaching,collecting,attending school events on a full wage. You’ve missed the key point,this isn’t about you. @Yudl is not getting offered FT salary to knock off from work to do a school run. Her work has said no, and adjusted her pay accordingly. Your example really has no relevance because you’re paid FT wage, and her employer will not accommodate that.

Getting paid a huge salary isn't to let you take more time away from the desk than any other member of staff and work only when you feel like it! Most companies wouldn't tolerate that level of coming and going! I was getting myself to and from school by the time I was about 11 and you've got parents leaving work mid afternoon to pick up an adult child! It's a recipe to create workplace tension when people on far less money watch those on higher salaries coming and going at their leisure.

It's something to get thought about if redundancies become afoot, the people that cost a lot of money to be off doing things with the kids regularly might be the first target.

I’m merely offering a counterpoint to all those posters saying that flexible jobs don’t exist/ people who work flexibly aren’t valued. I’ve worked this way for 15+ years and wouldn’t take a job that didn’t offer flexibility.

I think if you’re routinely absent in core hours when meant to be working you’re not pivotal or that necessary, that you just nip off 2 hr early daily or to attend events . Interesting ,because if , it’s not formally agreed and written into contract it’s technically an unauthorised absence. It’s also not a good look if senior staff get perks and flexibility that aren’t available to all. Out of interest, do other staff get to leave at 1500 to collect child and retain FT pay

The op employer has declined her request, evidently it doesn’t work for the organisation

Actually, it does. You get paid that salary because the trust and responsibility in you is high. Not every job is measured by hours sat at a desk, thank god. In my industry the highest paid may well frequently work over the weekend and have evening requirements as well - so if they want to knock off for sports day or pick up, damn right they can. They’ve earned that level of trust.

Ok. But every single day? There isn’t anything that might require this person from 3-5pm any day ever? I can also go to sports days and dentist appointments and whatever (though nowhere near this salary I’m a manager at my place of work and have been there 20 years soon) but not every single day. That’s a flexible work request surely.

If in working day one is routinely finishing early eg 1500 and/or going to school events lasting hours I’d suggest you’re not pivotal or missed

Yeah exactly

There's flexibility - which I totally agree is the norm for senior roles

And then there's only being available for meetings 9:30-3 (because I am guessing the OP isn't shelling out for breakfast club either)

And I am also guessing that the OP would also expect the more "standard" flexibility around school events, dentist etc

The benefit to the business of giving me the flexibility to, for instance, walk the dogs, do things with the kids etc during the working day is that I don’t mind doing calls at 6am with the folks in Australia, or working until after midnight with the team in California. My flexibility actually is better for the business than someone who worked inflexibly from 9am until 5.30pm every day, but had that green light on for the full 7.5 hours (not forgetting the hour for lunch!). Working flexibly doesn’t mean bunking off.

We don’t know when the OP is starting, how long she’s out for pick up (someone upthread mentioned they were out and back in less than half an hour) or when she finishes in the evening. Though she did say that the job she’s applying for had the expectation of some evening work, which everyone seems to have ignored. We don’t know what sector she’s in. We don’t know how her job is measured.

The fact that this prospective job is are happy for her to stop at 3.30, indeed would rather she stopped at 3.30
and paid her less than paying her more to continue once she’s back, suggests it’s not stopping at 3.30 that’s at issue.

Is that what you tell yourself! That most of the country on a lot less than you are on is because they are not considered trustworthy! How insulting! Ever heard of quango jobs? High paid roles that are nothing to do with being trusted! Just ridiculous jobs that aren't needed and are absolutely not based on trust. Hospital trusts are known for blowing a fortune on high paid quango jobs that don't serve a lot of purpose!

Where did I say I earn anything like that amount of money? I don’t. I earn less than half that.

Funny on mn,men earn these £92k+ salaries they need a housewife as he’s just so busy at work. Too important,too busy to attend school event or do afternoon pickup. He’s so very busy,so very in work all the time.Yet here we are assured that big salary ,big bonus ,high achievers leave at 1500 daily and attend all school events. Aye?

A woman gets a £92k salary and it’s all oh no! What’s to be done
Do what everyone else does, throw money at the issue. That’ll sort it

Big salary, big bonus high achievers wouldn’t get out of bed for £92k.

So taking the 75k is a higher rate of pay than you are on now but would require less hours than you currently do so more down time - sounds like a bloody win in itself!

Or you can take the much higher paid role and work much longer hours and pay for childcare such as after school club or childminder, which most other people have to manage on wages much lower than 75k and probably still be 18k up.

I’m not sure what you have to moan about they are two great offers and you’re lucky they offered you alternative hours to the job stated rather than just turning you down for the role.