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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

433 replies

Yudl · 13/05/2025 15:31

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

OP posts:
OrangeSlices998 · 13/05/2025 15:50

YABU I’m afraid OP. Utilise childcare, that’s what it’s for. Work need you to be available during core hours, so either take the pay cut and be able to collect DD at 3.30pm, or work full time hours and pay for afterschool club like the rest of us!

Beamur · 13/05/2025 15:50

Personally I think it's very short sighted of employers not to allow some flexibility around parenting. As long as you do the required work and the required hours, does it really matter if you're unavailable for an hour or two?

Ponderingwindow · 13/05/2025 15:53

Flexibility for parenting comes at a cost.

you could choose to buy child care. I personally made the choice to reduce my salary because of my individual child’s needs. We could still live comfortably though.

BIossomtoes · 13/05/2025 15:53

Beamur · 13/05/2025 15:50

Personally I think it's very short sighted of employers not to allow some flexibility around parenting. As long as you do the required work and the required hours, does it really matter if you're unavailable for an hour or two?

Obviously it doesn’t matter but why should they pay you the same as someone who is available all the time? This kind of parental entitlement is what infuriates childfree colleagues and those with older kids.

Sirzy · 13/05/2025 15:54

Beamur · 13/05/2025 15:50

Personally I think it's very short sighted of employers not to allow some flexibility around parenting. As long as you do the required work and the required hours, does it really matter if you're unavailable for an hour or two?

They are offering flexibility by reducing the hours. If OP doesn’t want to reduce her hours she needs to use childcare like everyone else does!

Acc0untant · 13/05/2025 15:55

So you're expecting to get paid for the time you've also supervising a child?

Why can't you use after-school club?

This is nothing about penalising mothers, this is about a business wanting your full attention during the hours for which you're being paid to work. Pay for childcare like many other mothers do.

Surferosa · 13/05/2025 15:57

Beamur · 13/05/2025 15:50

Personally I think it's very short sighted of employers not to allow some flexibility around parenting. As long as you do the required work and the required hours, does it really matter if you're unavailable for an hour or two?

Most employers will offer flexibility for parents in terms of flexible working arrangements, compressed hours, part time etc.

However business hours are set for a reason and if it's part of your role and contract then yes it's completely unreasonable to just be unavailable for a few hours of the day and expect those without children to pick up the slack.

I work in social work and have set core hours I have to work. I can't just be unavailable for a few hours during the day as there could be an urgent query or emergency I have to attend too. Same with most public facing jobs.

Again with big corporate firms too, these also have a degree of collaborative working, meetings etc and it is unreasonable for these to be scheduled around someone's school pick up time.

monkeysox · 13/05/2025 15:57

Yudl · 13/05/2025 15:31

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

After school club

faerietales · 13/05/2025 15:59

Beamur · 13/05/2025 15:50

Personally I think it's very short sighted of employers not to allow some flexibility around parenting. As long as you do the required work and the required hours, does it really matter if you're unavailable for an hour or two?

In many roles, you can’t just disappear for two hours to look after your kids - you have to be present to deal with clients and to do your job.

And they are offering her flexibility - but that comes with a price (pay-cut). They’re not going to let her do fewer hours for the same amount of money.

mewkins · 13/05/2025 16:00

It's annoying but I would either take 75k for a school hours job (and make the most of it!) or find a childminder/after school club and take the new salary!

BlackPantherPrincess · 13/05/2025 16:00

I actually think it sounds like a great compromise.

PeppyTealDuck · 13/05/2025 16:01

The offer to work reduced hours could give you a nice work-life balance instead of the payrise. Doesn’t sound bad at all.

Starlight1984 · 13/05/2025 16:02

Moveoverdarlin · 13/05/2025 15:39

I’d be inclined to go back and say ‘It’s sorted. I’ll work full time for 95k thanks v much.’ And I’d just carry on nipping out and picking her up, or do afterschool club a few days, a playdate here and there and just make it work.

Like others have said it depends on how old she is. Tricky to WFH with her there if she’s 4, anything 7 and over should be much easier.

Edited

Yes great idea. Do this and then think of an excuse as to why you are never online / able to answer calls between 3-4pm.🙄Really fair on all the other staff too.

Also as you've already mentioned you need to do school pick-ups, they will be monitoring even more closely. Employers know all the WFH tricks now...

OurManyEnds · 13/05/2025 16:02

But…they’ve said you can work FT for a FT salary, or PT for a PT salary.

What’s the penalty exactly?

Sofiewoo · 13/05/2025 16:03

Beamur · 13/05/2025 15:50

Personally I think it's very short sighted of employers not to allow some flexibility around parenting. As long as you do the required work and the required hours, does it really matter if you're unavailable for an hour or two?

Many businesses function by operating during business hours, if you can’t liaise with suppliers or other consultants during your working time because you’re working anti social hours then what’s the point?
Hardly any roles are non collaborative at this salary bracket.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 13/05/2025 16:03

Yudl · 13/05/2025 15:31

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

I'd take it, happily! An uplift on your salary, fewer hours and more time with your child!

If you don't like it, you can pay for childcare like everyone else - the majority of whom are likely earning sub 95k and even 75k salaries.

Moonnstars · 13/05/2025 16:03

From your post it sounds like you aren't just nipping out to pick up a child, but that you will then be working with them at home.
I imagine the hours were advertised when you applied for the job and where you say they aren't offering flexibility, they are by allowing you to work school hours which is something many parents would love to have.

Viviennemary · 13/05/2025 16:04

YABU. I would be reluctant to employ somebody with your entitled attitude.

indianques · 13/05/2025 16:05

I wouldn't work one minute past 330pm then.

RexsSoupCan · 13/05/2025 16:05

Does your job role mean you need to be available during normal office hours? If so then YABU.
However if your work is back office stuff that can be done any time (within reason) then they ABU. I have 2 people in my team (one on your kind of salary) who work as you have outlined - they just log back on after the school pickup.

You'd think there would be some give and take from your employer when they expect you to work away.

Spies · 13/05/2025 16:05

I really don't understand how anyone could think the business was unreasonable. They have offered you a brilliant compromise and if you want the full time hours you're free to arrange childcare instead of expecting to earn a full time wage whilst not actually working but instead looking after a child.

I'd be biting their hand off and singing their praises for being so accommodating!

TallulahBetty · 13/05/2025 16:06

How old is the kid? If 5, I can see why they're saying no. At 13, they'll be ok to fend for themselves while you continue to work.

Ddakji · 13/05/2025 16:06

If they are expecting some evening work then having a child at home clearly isn’t an issue, given that most children will have returned from school and after-school club by then.

Middle-management jobsworths who loathe any kind of flexibility abound on MN, so I’d take the poll and most of these comments with that in mind. Sounds like one of them is in charge at this new job, too.

Sanch1 · 13/05/2025 16:06

It's just parenthood. We pay for after school care. I would suggest you look into that if you want the job. Ours is £9 a session.

Bustabloodvessel · 13/05/2025 16:07

Just when I think I have heard worst level of entitlement I pop on to MN…