To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

[Yudl]

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

She hasn't actual said how old DD is, so there's every chance DD is capable of occupying herself whilst OP finishes her work day off. Even if not, for the sake of an hour or so, an easy activity - lego, colouring, playing in the garden etc would probably buy OP time to finish off her workday if needed. Either way, if the work is being done, and she's putting the time in, I don't see too much of a reason why it's a problem to do an hour or two of work at home with your children around - most people manage all sorts of things with their kids around!
She's also mentioned that some evening work is required anyway, so presumably she's either got childcare available for that, which may be flexible enough to extend to an hour after school, or the employer is fine with it for the evening work.

Growing up a friend had live in grandmother who looked after her, but couldn't do the school run as she didn't drive - there was a combination of lift sharing which made the arrangement work, but her mum did sometimes have to collect her from school and then go back to work, so there may also be a similar thing here.

Dh is no longer around

Pretty sure they wouldn't be happy with fathers doing this either.

I am just waiting for the OP to come back and tell us that she lives very rurally and there is no childcare or transport. Somehow they always do.

I am sick and tired of people asking for "flexibility" when what they really mean is do less work for the same pay.

I have had people in my team try and do this and it just doesn't work. They say they will pick up work in the evening but in practice they don't and if they do, they often can't get very far with it because they need the input of people who worked a normal office day. Or they say they can work with their kids at home but again they just can't in practice and their kids are always interrupting meetings/work.

I am happy for my team to have ad hoc flexibility - by all means pop out for a school event and make up the time later - but cheaping out of childcare every day, nope, you can work part time or get some childcare.

Alat the salary band you're in, it's up to you to sort out childcare

When my DD was in 6th form she collected a little girl from school and walked her home. did homework, played, could do a simple supper and sometimes bath time.

DD loved it and so did the child.

Seems much more economical to do that or if you have room an au pair or even a childminder than take that pay cut!

20k covers a lot of sessions at after school club or with a childminder.
I can't understand why anyone would think it's ok to just pop out for what is probably more than 30 mins each day during working hours. What do you think everyone else does?

This was how I ended up using the private school system, they had an excellent and seamless wraparound care
It was cheaper to pay the £20,000 in school for at least I got something for my money
Then it was to lose the salary in the long term
I was seriously looking for something along those lines

It’s a reasonable expectation that you aren’t looking after children whilst working. I worked with someone that did that and honestly everything after they went for pick up was very unproductive. Their kid would be joining in on the calls and making noise and their mother was clearly distracted. Most employers don’t want to risk that.

If you really mean there is NEVER anything you need to do during school run time and your child is old enough to actually not bother you for the remainder of your working day, then they should be flexible. If really popping out for school run means that it's inconvenient for others because you aren't there, and then means that your child will be interrupting you for bits of the rest of the day - then pay for childcare!!

I think the poster meant can't another parent collect. Which if after-school club isn't an appealing offer seems like a logical next solution.

They've been pretty flexible offering you reduced hours. Many parents don't even have that option and need to pay for childcare.

Don't ruin your chances by focusing on this one small issue - it is small.

Take the job at £95k with all their conditions.

Get a neighbour to collect your kid and pay them something - or after school care - whatever it takes.

How old is the kid?
It will only be until secondary school.

£95k jobs don't come around all that too often for women.

Everyone seems to be ignoring that the OP is currently doing this - her current employer allows it. Which suggests not allowing it could be pure stick-in-the-mud-ism.

I have a friend who has always worked around her children, they were brought up not to disturb her while she was working (she’s worked predominantly from home for years, way before Covid). She has reached a very senior position in her organisation doing so. But that organisation is very progressive and has been highly flexible and therefore good for working mothers in particular, for over 20 years. She is regularly staggered at how backwards so many other organisations in our sector are.

What her current employer allows is irrelevant, though.

I try and finish at 3.30 and it’s bloody amazing. Total work life balance.

Personally if you were my report, I’d let you, I do think childcare is still a ‘woman’s Problem’. Not many part -time requests come in from men.

The fact her current employer allows it is irrelevant. This is a new job and a new employer and the rules are different.

Not really. We all use what we do in our current role to demonstrate our skills and value to a prospective employer.

Your child care is your concern. That's the job offer accept or decline. It would be the same If a dad requested to leave early

It suggests those rules are on shaky ground. If other organisations in the sector can make it work, those who refuse to move forward will get left behind.

That they’re offering her reduced hours also puts them on shaky ground. Are they planning to employ someone to work from 3.30 till 6 as well? Good luck with that!

This is the nature of work. It’s only unique to parents because so many feel they can do flexible hours around their children’s school hours when in reality employers ( quite rightly) don’t want this.
many parents ( me included) managed on a much lower salary using after school clubs, I also didn’t have their Dad around

It’s the nature of work set up by men for men.

Your post smacks of “I had it hard so no woman should have it better than me”.

How are they on shaky ground. It sounds like they are being incredibly reasonable. Just because one company doesn't mind a potentially distracted parent working for a few hours doesn't mean all companies should accommodate that.

What skills and value is she demonstrating by disappearing for several hours a day to do childcare?

Indeed.

I have had people transfer to me from different bits of the same organisation and their previous teams have clearly had very low performance expectations and they often have poor habits like trying to look after their children and work at the same time.

Just because their previous team didn't mind them half arsing their work doesn't mean I have to take the same view

YABU, You clearly can't work the hours they require if you need to leave to collect your child in the middle of the workday.

Either figure it out so you don't need to do a collection when you should be working or find another job.