5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

5 is fine. 8 is too old. If your child has a disability, why didn’t you use the disabled space

It’s a tricky balancing act. In my opinion a vulnerable boy over 8 who needs help should use the accessible toilets. It’s not intolerant or “fanatic” to expect privacy and dignity for girls.

Lol, that woman was utterly ridiculous. There is zero chance I'm letting my (very sensible and switched on) 5 year old boy in the male toilet on his own

Absolutely.
I'm sure the vast majority of older boys (8+) are not a threat or rude to girls. I'm sure the vast majority of men in men's toilets are also not a threat to any boys going in there.

It's not about being a threat, it's about dignity, privacy, respect. As someone who was assaulted in toilets by a boy of the same age, when I was about 11, maybe I'm extra sensitive about this, but I do think it's important.

Where was his Mum?

“dignity and privacy” 🙄. Oh sorry I forgot the “respect”.

There are countries like Saudi Arabia where they have such things as “Public Decency Law” - sounds like your values would be suited to such a regime.
Im personally more worried that disabled, vulnerable children have a safe and suitable place to get changed, regardless of their gender and of heteronormative prudery , and would appreciate a society that places the balance there.

8 was the cut off at our gym and assumed the same for public toilets. It’s not like people parade around naked in a public loo.
But for your convenience and your sons and simply gut more space use the disabled toilets - this is what they are there for.

My youngest is 7 in the Summer, no way would I let him go on his own.

7-8 I thibk with my boys. People need to mind their business though. Ignore this one Pearl clutcher.

Story in local North Wales newspaper, approx 20 years ago, about a ten year old raped in fast food restaurant toilet while parents were at their table, ensured I never allowed my young son to be unaccompanied in public toilets.

I am a support worker for young people with learning disabilities and I have taken young men in their 20s into the ladies if the disabled toilet was unavailable/they refused to use it. Much easier than me having to go in the gent's to wait for them. They are far too vulnerable to send in by themselves. Your child, your choice.

Of course it’s ok for a 5 year old. To be honest any age is fine with me (if they were visibly with a parent) as the ladies is all individual cubicles anyway, we’re not getting our fannies out in the handwashing area! Seeing an older boy with his mum I would just assume additional needs.

Singly, I made my boys still come into the ladies until they were roughly 10, but together I allowed them to go in the men’s at about 7&9. I made my youngest (now 11) come into a ladies with me the other day actually as we were in a really not very nice rural public loos by the side of a dual carriageway, and it was 10pm. Didn’t want to risk it (but also there was no one else in the ladies as I quickly checked first). He was livid but there were a few vans parked up and it just didn’t feel that safe.

Agree with all this, especially the not getting fannies out 😆

the person who challenged you is certifiable - I wouldn’t let my 6 year old into the men’s toilet on their own, let alone a 4 year old. It’s all cubicles so no problems.

So you don’t think pre pubescent girls should be entitled to a loo without the presence of their boy classmates. Fine. I disagree.Not sure what you mean by “heteronormative” in this context! Disabled and vulnerable children should of course have access to “disabled”toilets.

I think people should mind their own business and wash their hands

5 is absolutely fine

No way would I let my 5 year old in the men’s on their own. Not a chance

I used to bring my son into the ladies with me until he was around 8 or 9. Too many weirdos in the world. Ignore her.

5 is definitely fine. My boy is 9 and has been using the male toilets now for a couple of years depending on where we are. Sometimes at Services I will take him with me if DH isn't with us but generally he goes by himself and I wait outside. I think I read somewhere 8 is the cut off

Of course it’s ok. Good grief.

It’s fine imo . I till my son until he was 9 ish also autistic so couldn’t be left alone

Yeah definitely makes a difference. My son is high functioning autistic, he is only 7 but he would be too scared to go in the men’s on his own. I can’t see that changing in a year, so I will continue to take him in with me for now.

I appreciate it can be uncomfortable for some women and girls but I do think it should be on need. My son is 11 and autistic. He used to come in the ladies with me but we stopped around 2 years ago. I now go in the disabled toilets with him (he has continence issues which means he still needs pull ups so sometimes and I have to help him change them). Unfortunately there has been a handful of times when the disabled toilets have been unavailable and I’ve had to take him in the ladies. He is very sensitive to noise so immediately covers his ears when he enters as he hates the dryers, so I hope that makes it more obvious that he has SEN. I would hate it if this caused anyone to be uncomfortable, but if he can’t get in the disabled toilet and I cannot go into the men’s with him, how is he supposed to go to the toilet (or be changed) otherwise. A disabled 11 year old boy with his mother is no threat to grown women, but I do understand young girls around his age may not like it, so I only do it if we have absolutely no alternative.

Sorry, wouldn't be happy with this.

I do think it's too old myself honestly

He's not a big strapping lad like some but he doesn't look like a young boy anymore