5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

Not much would happen these days either tbh. The police are hideous with these sort of crimes.

Whatever similar aged girls might think?

Would it not depend on the behaviour/character of the child?
5 is absolutely too young to be left alone to use a male toilet by himself. Makes me feel sick in my throat if I'm honest.

I wouldn't care if there was a 10 year old boy in the facility so long as he wasn't being a shit (obvs MH aside).

My son is newly 11 and walked into a female toilet last week which luckily wasn't busy but I said to him, son you can't really just walk into the ladies toilet anymore. He's harmless

But I hate him using the mens alone.
He's ND (sexually aware younger) and has also been exposed (literally) to SA via online grooming and I hate it when he goes to the toilet when we're out.

Exactly! My daughter will be nearly 12 when she leaves primary, as of course will be some of the boys, by that point majority of girls will be wearing bras, have started their periods and need privacy.

The cut off should be puberty, which for girls can start from 9. So max end of year 3, for either gender going into opposite changing room. Year 2 swim lessons they changed in their classes boys and girls mixed. Year 4 swim lessons all girls together and all boys together, which clearly shows that by year 4 (8-9) they need to have their own seperate space.

I'd have said about 8 but then a few years ago a 13 year old boy was raped in the middle of the day in a tourist area near me in the men's toilets.
I know that's not common at all but my son started about age 9/10 but I stood outside the main doorway and waited for him to come out before I went I to ladies on my own

Personally I wouldn't bat and eyelid at anyone under age 12/13 or so

But they are in a cubicle so it's not like the boy is going to see any more than he would if she was just walking around. That's why I was so shocked that the woman had a go at me.
Changing rooms are different obviously.

Up to 8 is definately fine. Later I say it's preferable to start using the disabled one if they can't go alone.

Did I read he was still in nappies?
Then yes I think you should use the disabled if only because it gives you more room to get him changed. And they are more likely to have a suitable bin.

But that's only to make it easier and more convenient for you, not because he's too big for the ladies.

Another 4 or 5 year old DC is not going to think a damn thing about DS.

Ignore the stupid comments OP.

Absolutely fine at that age. Tell her to mind her own business.

Really? Can I ask why? They have severe learning disabilities and are more like children than 20 year olds. I, on the other hand, am a 50+ year old woman who might actually scare some of the men using the urinals!

I send my eight-year-old to the men’s solo, and always feel a little nervous about that. But he’s tall, so I know people would be funny about him being in the ladies’.

I wouldn’t send a child ANY younger!

The woman was wrong.

"Men bring their little girls into the women’s toilets."

I've never seen this, small children go into the one of the adult's sex.

I would be furious if my sons care worker was taking him into the ladies at 20, it’s totally unacceptable and really poor care.

Sorry- that wasn’t meant to be in reply to you! I definitely think it’s absolutely fine for boys to be in the women’s until they are 8 and she was being an idiot to challenge you. There are always posters talking about 11/12 year olds in the women’s-it’s them I gave an issue with!

Reading all her posts, inc the men refusing to use the disabled. Or them not being available
What would you suggest she does?

Take him to the disabled toilets which are provided for disabled people. Teaching him to go into the ladies is a total disaster for a learning disabled adult male and no one working with these vulnerable people should be oblivious to that.

I would have told her where to shove it. You don't send a 5 year old into men's toilets unsupervised. My DS who is 5 will be coming with me until I think he is old enough and confident enough. My other DS 10 has been going on his own since he was about 7/8. Carry on as you OP and if anyone says anything again. Remind them that he is only 5 years old and give them the death stare. I wish she had said it to me I would have tore her a new arsehole.

My 7 yr old has suspected ADHD/high functioning autism/ seizure damage from previous prolonged seizures. He seems entirely ordinary if he's emotionally regulated and well managed. He can't go in a toilet alone. He can't wipe, struggles physically to do it but also it's a complete sensory nightmare for him. He'll hold and hold until we get home but has caused impaction doing it before. He also can't be left outside the toilet while I take my 3 yr old daughter to the toilet or go myself (but honestly I just hold it like a camel unless I'm unwell) he's also 135cm tall which is about the height of an average 10 yr old and very broad shouldered.

I try where possible to use the disabled toilets (he receives child disability payment, he is disabled despite not having a concrete diagnosis as yet and presenting as a clever and talkative child at times) but if one of them is absolutely bursting and it's in use I take the 3 of us into the ladies and brazen it out. It's not ideal but I'm also not about to have one of them poop themselves because of it. I work constantly on his independence, we currently have a sticker chart for wiping with rewards for managing 1, 3 and fully wiped wipes and he is trying so hard but we're not there yet.

At that age you need to use disabled facilities of take the person you are caring for into their appropriate facilities. In my mind I think this applies from age 10 or so. If my son isn't yet independent by then that's the Stacey I'd expect to take. As much as it will make life trickier it also doesn't mean I can take a teenage boy into a teenage girl's safe space.

I’ve never seen this either, but apparently it is a thing. I reckon some of the women who are angry about boys will bizarrely be ok about a man being in there because the man is seen as protecting his daughter. But he’s a grown arsed man in female space, no matter how they want to frame it.

Exactly, he can protect her in the men's room where he belongs not enter the ladies as an adult.

I haven’t much of a clue about bringing up children as I’ve never had any. But I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at seeing a 5 year old boy (or one even older) in the ladies toilets with his mum. You can’t possibly let a small boy like that go into a male public toilet on his own. I believe the vast majority of people in this world are good but we all know there are bad people living among us and you can’t be too careful.

Isn’t it more that a man with his daughter is less likely to be violent and unlikely to rape you?

And you think a boy with is mum is going to be violent or something?