5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

I really do not understand why anyone would care about a supervised male child being in the ladies toilet at almost any age. Changing rooms are different but you don’t see anyone unclothed in a ladies toilet. Unsupervised male adults or children over about 8 should not be in the ladies toilets.

I would not be sending a young boy unsupervised into a men’s toilet under any circumstances. Thee is zero risk to women if I supervised that same child in the ladies but a huge risk to that child unsupervised in the men’s.

To be honest there needs to better catering for opposite sex parent/child combinations. I think it’s more difficult for men taking care of female children as definitely not ok to take them into the men’s and adult males shouldn’t be in the women’s either.

10 but its difficult to tell a childs age

We need way more changing places in the UK so.that this shouldn't be a problem and disabled children and adults are treated with dignity .

Eh? You are more ok with adult men in ladies than boys under 10?

There is no logic to this batshittery. When will it stop?

I feel a bit guilty now - I’ve only stopped letting my son come into the ladies loos with me when he turned 11….
I know it’s no excuse but he is hopeless in the men’s loos because he will only go in a cubicle and there not many of those. If he can’t find one then he just comes out without going at all.

@Butchyrestingface

Adult males should never be in the woman’s toilets for whatever reason.
If their daughters need the toilet they need to take them to an accessible facility.

Seriously I wouldn't worry about it.
MN is almost overly protective of girls but boys are expected just to get on with it.

I'd rather a 5 year old boy in ladies than 5 year old girl in mens

It's OK to take a female child into the men's up to about 5/6, with a hand over their eyes if any urinals. From 7/8 they can go into the women's toilet on their own.

There are cubicles in all male loos, so I think he would always be able to find one? He may have to wait for one.

Absolutely this. There is an increase in changing places toilets, but still nowhere near enough. I guess because they are so expensive to build, but not having them makes lives so much harder for those with complex disabilities

He was a little kid, possibly intimidated going into toilets alone. And if there's not an obvious que i can see why he wouldn't want to be hanging around waiting on a cubicle.

This was not a reply to the original post, but one where someone said their 11 year old came into ladies toilets with them. 11 year old is not a little kid, it's secondary age and getting bus etc to school on their own, going out with their mates without parents, going away on residentials etc.

Yes, DS also prefers to come out to wait if there is no free cubicle. He will use a low urinal, but some are too high for safe use without risking spillage.

She said he was just turned 11, some 11yo boys are tiny, and I can totally see why they'd be intimidated going somewhere alone.

I wouldn't consider going away on residentials a particular sign of being grown up. Beaver scouts and Rainbow guides do overnights and they are about 6.

That really is rubbish. Girls are usually expected to “budge up”to accommodate boys. Particularly when we’re talking about public loos- why should girls have to share space with boys older than 7/8? The privacy and dignity of girls should take priority over the paranoia of the mothers of boys.

I gave the residentials as an example of independence and not needing their mum to accompany them into a toilet. Tbh at 7 would expect a child to be going into a toilet themselves, my girls did if they were out with just their Dad, my 8 year old would be mortified at thought of going into a boys toilet with her Dad.

Not sure what being tiny has to do with a child's ability to go to the toilet, unless they are too small to access a standard size toilet?

The 11yo is medium height, to be fair, but very slight. He doesn’t have a lot of physical confidence and he isn’t at senior school yet. His father has been almost completely absent his whole life and he is an only child so he never has someone to accompany him into the gents (eg at football stadia where it’s always a madhouse) and show him what to do - eg how/where to lurk if there are no free cubicles.

There have also been incidents when he has had “accidents” of various kinds and I’ve had to shut myself into a cubicle with him in an airport or service station ladies loo to help him clean up. Yes, we could use a disabled toilet but then anyone disabled would be stuck outside waiting for ages with nowhere to go.

I know it’s no excuse - I am 100% in favour of single sex facilities and I should have stopped him from coming in with me earlier. Just because I know he’s no threat to anyone and has zero interest (so far) in what other women are doing, doesn’t mean that it’s OK.

@Neverforgetwhothisisfor
Nobody with any sense would see a just turned 11 yo as a threat.
In busy places like airports and football stadiums I'll bet the majority of 11 yo girls are accompanied with Mum, but there is also an element of the Ladies is less threatening than the Gents.

It is ok. It is very ok.
You dont have to sacrifice your vulnerable child on the alter of this intolerance/ fanaticism, and no one should make you feel like you do.

Yes its okay. Ignore her!

@Needspaceforlego

Yes, but - just because my child isn’t an issue doesn’t mean ALL 11 year old boys aren’t. I can think of some tweens of our acquaintance who openly stare at women in ways which make them uncomfortable, or who would use the opportunity simply to cause mischief ( noisy “jokes” about Tampax etc).

I can’t expect one rule for my kid and another rule for everyone else.

I hear you. But no kid is going to make jokes about tampax infront of their mum.
You did what's right for your child and at the end of the day that's what matters.

Like many things in childhood I find the idea that all kids are ready for the same things overnight on their birthday a bit daft.
Children mature at different rates.
Children are exposed to different experiences.

7 is quite young. In my leisure centre it’s 8 which I think is reasonable. 7 year olds are still young children. i don't know why anyone would feel the need to complain to management about a 7 year old child.

For as long as they need to be supervised by a parent really, so I wouldn’t take too much notice up until age of ten if they were with their mum. Most would mostly choose to go to the men’s before then anyway. Most certainly 5yo is too young to be going into a men’s toilet without an adult.