5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

She’s an idiot. Toilets are problematic if you are caring for someone of the opposite sex. I used the women’s toilets till ds was about 10 but he is very small, and has a younger sister so a bit of a logistical nightmare. Once older we use the disabled, but I can’t use the toilet at all out and about as he opens the door and can’t be left outside to wait. There is no provision for people in my situation, so that sucks.

The woman who complained is a complete moron. A 5-year-old boy is not a threat to her however strangers, grown men, in the other bathroom without supervision are a real threat to the little boy. It's a no-brainer. OP should always put her child's safety first.

I don’t judge by age, I judge by need. There was a teenage boy with profound needs in the ladies toilets with his mum the other day, I had no problems at all with this. The disabled loo was busy, the boy needed the loo and was a vulnerable child being aided by his mum. Parents with children who have special needs have enough daily challenges, I hope to never be the type of person that forgets my humanity.

Similar here. Have an autistic 9 year old (high functioning or I think his official diagnosis is ASD without learning disabilities) and no chance he would go either to a toilet or get changed at swimming pool without me so it's ladies/disabled for us though I do feel bad as signs often say over 8 should use their own changing room and wonder if he will ever manage this

5 is fine to be in the ladies. It’s usually 8 as the cut off.

There’s no way I’d let a 5 year old go into the men’s toilets alone.

I wouldn’t have any objection to this either. But I do wonder why a woman wouldn’t take her teenage son into the men’s in this instance.

Men take their daughters into the women’s facilities.

Is it ‘cos then men’s toilets are a piss-infested nightmare?

That woman is batshit, nobody lets their 5y old boy go into male public toilets on their own. My sons all came with me until about year 5 so up to about 9.

I don’t actually think that’s ok. He’s a teenage boy, it’s a lot of girls wouldn’t be comfortable with that regardless of his needs. He should be in the disabled changing instead.

I'd take my 5 year old into the 'wrong' toilet. At 8 I'd use my judgement.

However with 3 at 5 or under + a pram we'd often all go into the disabled.

I think the woman who called you out is lacking in understanding/empathy/common sense.

This is getting insane. What's the 5 year old going to do to a woman?
For goodness sake.

Of course it is ok.
Just ignore this silly woman’s comment.
At this age they still need assistance.

SEN or not, not a chance I would send a 5yo into the loos alone. Completely ignore that lady.

He is a child unable to manage changing his nappy himself so of course he should be with you in the ladies loos.

Being thick here, I don't understand this.

Generally about 8. I found mine were more confident to go into the men's around then. They had the benefit of being a pair of brothers so could go together, but DS1 is autistic affecting his social confidence and would have struggled more without a same-sex sibling.

We found swimming more awkward. DS1 is dyspraxic too, so he wasn't ready to change alone in a unisex cubicle or communal male by the time he had to stop using the communal female changing.
For a year or so we used the disabled changing as logistically we could only use the two family size cubicles and with 40 children coming out of lessons at the same time, he was regularly getting frozen waiting for prolonged periods because we couldn't get in to them or practically use the communal female, male or individual provision. When he was able to change independently, we stopped using the disabled and he started using the individual cubicles.

One time, I had to go in to the men's toilets at a campsite (fortunately only occupied by a female cleaner, I did check!) because DS2 then aged 6 had a surprise poo and was struggling to manage by himself.

5 is unquestionably (by sane people at least) plenty young enough to go in with the sex of their parent. 5 year olds can still need some occasional help anyway.

With autism and continence issues in the mix, using the disabled facilities is a reasonable option and may work better in some circumstances. That might be a temporary, case-by-case or long term option to consider.

Things that never happened...

Sure, Jan.

Edit: didn't realise it was a joke; still don't get it.

A 5yo is fine in the ladies, as they are obviously too young to go to the gents solo. 8 years old is the normal cutoff, though if a child has developed enough awareness of sex differences at 6 or 7 to start sniggering and making women feel uncomfortable, or if an 8 or 9 year old is development-delayed and not yet able to cope alone, I would use a unisex single-occupancy accessible loo with them for this fuzzy-overlap time.

It’s okay. I probably should have included a massive in the original post.

Or maybe it was the reference to Tesco. I knew I was taking a risk referencing any store other than Waitrose, M&S or Boden on here.

8 seems fine, however I wouldn't rule out using the disabled - your DS has SN after all!

I took my 7 year old son into the ladies the other day and no one said anything. No way I'd send a 5 year old into the men's.

Your LITTLE boy comes first before some grown arsed woman. I would have argued back that he’s 5 years thank you very much. You’re more of a threat to him than he is to you. 🖕🏻

Yup.

She would never darken Tesco’s door.

Not Tescos, it was about the TERF refering to your 7 month pregnant neighbour in the loo and better not be male comment.
Which of course, never happened did it ?