Evil MIL

[Warmsunnyday1]

Who has one? I do, shes a horrid narcissist who can see no wrong in her actions, she falls out with everyone, of course its never her fault, always everyone else,the poor woman. She doesn’t speak to her son or myself anymore because i dared to call her daughter out for speaking to me like I was absolutely nothing, i mean how dare I, should have just sat back and taken all the abuse like a good little DIL. Why are they so nuts?

My SIL is the same, always lived home and complete poison.

I think when you have lost your own parent, a good relationship with your in-laws is just so much more important to you, and the disappointment when things dont work out is so much greater than if you did have your own mother for example, because you would still have love and support and your children would still at least have one decent grandmother. Im pretty sure my mother would be scrambling out of her grave to save me if she could 😅 x sorry about your SIL, if you think she is going the same way as your MIL, I would not reach out. Of course it would be nice to have adult conversations and build bridges, but unfortunately some people just can’t do that xx

My advice for anyone would be to have infrequent contact with in laws and for short durations of time, then you can remain on friendly terms
I’ve seen these types of relationships go wrong too many times, let your spouse mainly deal with his family and you yours, familiarity breeds contempt

Excellent advice, do not get involved 😂

She sounds absolutely terrible xx

Actually that brought tears to my eyes- my mum would have so loved the grandchildren, she never met…..I don’t tend to think about it much now , she’s been gone well over 40 years now.
But you are right I did try harder with mil, even organising visits when dh would rather not.
We’d been half way there and I’d be asking why dh was in such a grumpy mood…
It all seems so silly - he was a 40 year old man, and he didn’t like me leaving the room if mil was there.
My dm was so different
everyone loved her
I like to think she’s watching over us all those 💖

My MIL is wonderful! It's my husband that got the MIL from hell!

My ex mil threatened to attack me several times. Stood by her son when she found out he hit me. Screamed abuse at me in a children's library. Refused to listen to my concerns about how she is round my child. Won't get adaptions done for her home where her son lives as my child has disabilities. Allows family members to make racist comments about my partner. Got very upset when the police visited her and told her to behave herself. Has not seen the child now for almost a year because they can't remember how the child fell over 3 times in 10 minutes.

Mines a narc. Cut contact a year ago, it’s been bliss! Mine would wait until no one was in ear shot and make nasty comments to me. She was rude to my children from a previous relationship. She undermined my parenting constantly. She would praise her son as a parent but criticise me any chance she got. She would comment of my weight. She told me I was wrong to leave my very abusive ex because we had kids, I should have stayed for them. She’s just vile!

Sorry but more fool you for having her stay over so much. Put your big woman panties on and say no. There are no prizes for being a martyr and suffering all that often.

You sound like an abusive and narcissistic MIL who is determined to paint MILs as innocent victims and gaslight and DARVO DILs.

MIL are just people. Some are lovely ,some are not
DIlL are just people . Some are lovely , some are not.

I'm now longing for my son to get married asap so I can identify on here how much my (imaginary) new DIL loathes me.

Most of us just wanted to be accepted by our MILs I tried really hard with my MIL . I was even with her when she died and battled to make sure she got the right care in the nhs right to the end. It doesn’t change how much she mistreated me.

My DH and DSIL and DBIL were incredible and stood up to her which just made her double down bad get worse as she aged .

I am a MIL but get on really well with my DCs partners but my own ILs were hard work. I am married to the least favourite son and don’t we know it. They have always treated us + our DC very differently to favoured son + partners (had a few with dc to them all and they are all favoured over my DC). They were very demanding, expecting us to spend all holidays with them (yes, I do have a family but that didn’t matter.) Anything that went wrong or if we decided to do something different to that they wanted us to do, was because of me. MIL used to say that quote, ‘daughter is a daughter all her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife’ all the time to me. Luckily, my DH recognised them for what they are and has been NC for many years. I have never demanded anything off my DC and families but happily, they enjoy visiting and spending holidays etc with us.

Both my sons have lovely girlfriends, I'd always make sure I have good positive and supportive caring relationships with them.. I had a pain the backside mil once .. I couldnt put up with that again weird how they become so jealous.

That.

histories repeat in more than one way…if someone is unhealthy, keep your child away from them.

I am not sure when the « before » is but surely horrible MILS/family members have always been around. People got on with it and knew to create stronger relations with the ones actually nice. Nowadays…we hear so much about families that only have these sick members left…sad really.

Nicely done!

any tip? I am far away from it but it is good to always keep learning as early as possible!

dear @LeaveALittleNote, your MN name is very appropriate given your circumstances. In your shoes I would not respond when she says those nasty things in her son's/your DH's absence. However, as soon as possible afterwards, make a note & date it (as verbatim as poss) of what was said. Let them build up for a while. When it seems the right time to do so, share them with DH and explain that you wanted to have actual examples, so that he wouldn't think you were being whiny or flaky.

And you sound like you haven't bothered to read the thread!

As I've said previously, it's not at all limited to MILs. It's anyone who uses SM to do the "woe is me" speech or the "they hate me cuz I speak the truth" SM rant that is the usual indicator as to who is the real perpetrator.

I really don't understand why some MILs behave so badly. I think I'm an okay MIL to my two SILs. So long as they are decent fellas/hubbies/dads and treat their own parents well, what's any better? Not my business if they aren't quite what I had hoped in a SIL, what matters is are my DDs happy with them? And they seem to be.

I've learnt there are some topics to avoid, some opinions to keep to myself (actually I find this quite hard so sometimes make a joke out of it, seems to work okay) - and a great plus is that we get on well with our DDs in-laws too.

Maybe I'm just lucky? I think I was an okay DIL too. But I do know others (MILs as well as DILs and SILs) who do have problems., usually cos at least one of them either interferes too much or imposes their views on their marriage/child-rearing. Again, not my business.

There is no indication the OP has ever posted on SM about this.

You insinuated the OP was lying. The OP detailed a couple of horrific things her MIL did. You didn't even have the decency to reply to her and say sorry.

Occasionally, y'know, things can eventually go right:
My beloved & only DD had "kissed a few frogs", as they say, before she found & married her DH, who must be at least one of the best SILs in the world.

I've been welcomed into his family; now spend every 2nd Christmas with his parents; had a wonderful, welcoming time at his sister's very relaxed wedding.
This is all in contrast with my own experience of growing up with GPs on both sides, spurning and/or mistreating both of my parents. Undeservedly.

So that, from early teens, I had no family left at all except for my widowed mother. It was all very sad, messy & lonely.

That my DD now has an extended family who, though with their own problems, manage to get on & are committed to being a family, is a revelation and a joy to me. I'm delighted to be a MIL to my wonderful SIL. I'm very grateful to him for a) accepting me into his heart & into his family, and b) for relieving me of the worry that, when I die, I'd be leaving my DD alone in all the world. That won't happen now.

My mother in law died really young, early in our relationship. My husband has never got over it. Try harder to get along.

I had an awful one too , controlling, manipulative, jealous and because I cut ties of course I'm the bad one , how could I upset the poor woman who could do no wrong. I sympathise with you , they are evil !!