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Original poster

Evil MIL

280 replies

Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 00:58

Who has one? I do, shes a horrid narcissist who can see no wrong in her actions, she falls out with everyone, of course its never her fault, always everyone else,the poor woman. She doesn’t speak to her son or myself anymore because i dared to call her daughter out for speaking to me like I was absolutely nothing, i mean how dare I, should have just sat back and taken all the abuse like a good little DIL. Why are they so nuts?

OP posts:
lifeisgoodrightnow · 13/05/2025 14:48

Wishboneswishes · 13/05/2025 10:51

I think it’s more fair to say some people - women/men are vile rather than state and question generally why MILs are nuts.

People can be vile to family and horrible to friends. I know of rude, narcissistic women and men who fit this brief who are not MILs or DILs. Also know lots of MILs and DILs who are kind and compassionate.

I think this is an extremely valid point. My MIL was also a horrid DM;DW and Dsil.

Aliflowers · 13/05/2025 14:48

MrsMitford3 · 13/05/2025 11:24

Just here on behalf of all lovely MIL's.

All MIL are not horrible and threads like this which attempt to paint all MIL in a bad light are unhelpful.

There are good and bad people in all relationships and there are some ppl that just don't get on.
You marry a person and get their whole family and I think ppl are quick to take offence and dig in a position. it's a long old life and it is much easier to rub along-even if you will never be kindred spirits.

It gets very emotive on both sides-and we have seen plenty of threads on here from both perspectives.

I adore my DIL and DIL to be. They are very different personalities and we all get on brilliantly.

I know I am lucky but I also know I do my absolute best to stay lucky!

And just to add I adore my MIL. I’ve posted as much on multiple threads over the years. She’s as mad as a brush and would drive you scatty sometimes with mad requests (that she always rings me and not her only son for lol) but she has a heart of gold and is the best grandmother too.

Im always relieved that I lucked out in the way that I did when I ended up with my DH and be default his family when I see posts like this

SpryCat · 13/05/2025 14:53

LeaveALittleNote · 13/05/2025 10:04

I have always treated my MIL with the utmost respect. Taken her on day trips, welcomed her into our home. But she is horrible to me when DH’s back is turned and it’s wearing me down now. I feel she’s jealous of me because I’m with her favourite son, and in a sick and twisted way, she wants him to herself.

Stop taking her out on day trips, when she comes to yours, welcome her, make her a drink and then go in another room, let your H entertain her. Life is too short for bullshit

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 13/05/2025 14:57

How does this evilness manifest itself op

MarioLink · 13/05/2025 15:01

Mine will put my kids in danger and laugh when I object. Spouts racism and sexism in front of the kids. Mocks our home and belongings. Is more horrible each time we see her but gets angry when we pull back. My husband gets very down about it but feels the need to please her.

FrankensteinsMonster · 13/05/2025 15:05

Luckily my MIL is a lovely, caring person and great support to me. We've had little issues here and there (always well intentioned though) especially after first baby was born but my DH shut that down quickly and she was gracious and apologetic and now we all get along great.

My own mother on the other hand....

littlemissprosseco · 13/05/2025 15:12

@MarioLink @Warmsunnyday1
are we living twinned lives??
im 30 years in. My kids won’t speak to her. Shes finally getting her Karma. I can’t make my adult/ teens speak to her. But of course it’s all of my doing
Honestly the easiest way, is to pretend u have a migraine/ are ill, so can’t/ haven’t cooked etc… make DH do it
Then if you’re ill, it’s easier to grey rock. I nearly speak to her. We just talk about nothing. I usually do the washing up and pretend to be as busy as I can , seeing as I’m ill.,,
Obviously the real answer is for DH to stand up to her….

Ladysodor · 13/05/2025 15:16

Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 00:58

Who has one? I do, shes a horrid narcissist who can see no wrong in her actions, she falls out with everyone, of course its never her fault, always everyone else,the poor woman. She doesn’t speak to her son or myself anymore because i dared to call her daughter out for speaking to me like I was absolutely nothing, i mean how dare I, should have just sat back and taken all the abuse like a good little DIL. Why are they so nuts?

i’m 62, my mother-in-law passed away recently. In the coming years none of this nonsense will matter so simply ignore her and be the best person you can.

Original poster
Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 15:26

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 13/05/2025 14:57

How does this evilness manifest itself op

the main reason? when our still born came, she told me its for the best as there was probably something “wrong with it” ill let you scroll through some other examples i have given x

OP posts:
MyLittleNest · 13/05/2025 15:40

Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 13:05

Thank you! This, this is exactly what describes her “a relationship is two, but with a narcissist its one sided” this is exactly it! If i raised anything with her, it would be how dare i, never lets talk about it, she would always be perfect, I was awful, if her son did something that hurt her (never ever on purpose but just without thinking, such as not telling her something) she would cause havoc, absolute havoc, others were always wrong and all against her, it was so so tiresome.

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Oh, you cannot call them out! LOL. I only worked up the courage to tell my mother she had hurt my feelings twice in my entire life. The second time my husband was with me, and she usually put on her little nice act in front of him so I thought I was safe. Well, she flew into a rage, her face filled with shocking anger, and started screaming, "How dare you tell me that I hurt your feelings? You hurt ME by saying such a thing! I have NEVER hurt you. Never ONCE! I have NEVER been anything but a perfect mother!" Then she ran crying to my enabling father (who demanded, desperately, of course, that I apologize) proceeded to give me the silent treatment until I graveled for her forgiveness, which she only bestowed upon me with a little sniff. My father looked faint with relief. It was one of the few times she took the mask off in front of my DH.

It was almost hilarious how the moment my DH left a room, her scorn would come out, and the moment he entered again, she would go from raging to laughing/smiling as if he'd just walked in on some happy moment.

These people are masters are presenting a very different image to the public. When I was little I used to always ask my father, "Why is Mummy so much nicer to everyone else than you and us?"

A healthy, adult relationship is not possible with people who are determined to act like children.

MyLittleNest · 13/05/2025 15:43

Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 15:26

the main reason? when our still born came, she told me its for the best as there was probably something “wrong with it” ill let you scroll through some other examples i have given x

Show quote history

That is unforgiveably cruel, and I am so, so, so sorry for your loss.

These people are heartless, and have a very different view of the world. They have no empathy for others but expect everyone to have an endless supply for them.

My narc mother made similarly chilling comments after the Sandy Hook Massacre. I understand.

littlemissprosseco · 13/05/2025 15:46

My mil honestly believes that everyone is here for her. She genuinely can’t grasp not getting her own way.
The only answer is distance
my dd had an emergency huge operation a while ago. MIL still wanted her Sunday roast 😵‍💫

littlemissprosseco · 13/05/2025 15:52

Exactly what @MyLittleNest said

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/05/2025 15:53

If someone has a dreadful MIL they are far more likely to start or contribute to threads like this, simply because they need to vent, to find support or to get advice - or just because they want to know they are not alone. But those of us blessed with lovely MILs don’t need to seek these things - in journalistic terms, a plane crash is News, but “Plane Landed Safely, None Hurt”, isn’t.

I was lucky to have a lovely MIL - and we lived a long way from my mum, so she didn’t get the chance to be a difficult MIL.

GoneAlready · 13/05/2025 16:39

Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 11:48

Absolutely, if my own mother had snuck into our room in the middle of the night whilst she was staying with us and taken our sleeping baby from his Moses basket so she could sleep with him and letting me wake up to an empty basket, I would have absolutely snatched baby back and ask mother what on earth did she think she was doing?! But because it was MIL, when i asked her what she was doing, she told ne not to be so rude that she was only trying to help and started to cry 🙈

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Bloody hell! WTAF?? Apart from everything else, your DS must have been still a very young baby if in a Moses basket, and the risks around co-sleeping are much higher then. So if she wasn’t really clued up on how to co-sleep safely, that could have been catastrophic.

I can only imagine how nightmarish it was (would have been? Not sure if you woke up at the time or afterwards?) for you to wake up and find an empty Moses basket. Especially given you’ve had to deal with such an awful loss as a stillbirth.

She violated so many boundaries with that action, it was a terrible thing to do, and then making it your fault?!

I’m sorry she’s put you through so much, and so sorry for your loss.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/05/2025 16:50

Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 15:26

the main reason? when our still born came, she told me its for the best as there was probably something “wrong with it” ill let you scroll through some other examples i have given x

Show quote history

What a disgusting thing to say. She would have been dead to me from that point. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 16:54

GoneAlready · 13/05/2025 16:39

Bloody hell! WTAF?? Apart from everything else, your DS must have been still a very young baby if in a Moses basket, and the risks around co-sleeping are much higher then. So if she wasn’t really clued up on how to co-sleep safely, that could have been catastrophic.

I can only imagine how nightmarish it was (would have been? Not sure if you woke up at the time or afterwards?) for you to wake up and find an empty Moses basket. Especially given you’ve had to deal with such an awful loss as a stillbirth.

She violated so many boundaries with that action, it was a terrible thing to do, and then making it your fault?!

I’m sorry she’s put you through so much, and so sorry for your loss.

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Yes, I woke up instinctively at his 2:00am feed to find he wasn’t there, this is just some of the things shes done and insist I’m a trouble maker afterwards who hurts her feelings in purpose x

OP posts:
Original poster
Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 17:01
  • on purpose
OP posts:
Original poster
Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 17:48

Another thing she liked to do was use her poor husband as a scapegoat to avoid taking any responsibility for anything. So she would create huge arguments then just say “oh thats enough now your making husband very unwell” she just could not see that it was all her! The latest was she created uproar snd would not allow anyone to have their say because she needed to take her husband to the dr asap because he had a strange mark in his belly and its probably cancer do no one was to say anything else on the matter ( we never did here what the strange mark was but he is very much alive fit and well)

OP posts:
Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 13/05/2025 17:48

Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 15:26

the main reason? when our still born came, she told me its for the best as there was probably something “wrong with it” ill let you scroll through some other examples i have given x

Show quote history

Ok, that is pretty evil 😈

StrawberryWater · 13/05/2025 17:52

Yep, mine is a horrible human being and a stain on this planet.

I no longer have to speak to her.

I hear she's not in the best of health. Can't say I care after what she did to me when I had a miscarriage. When she dies I'll be singing 'ding dong the witch is dead'.

HiRen · 13/05/2025 17:53

In my experience, MILs who get like this are either this way with everyone or have built their entire self-image and identity around their motherhood. The DIL is their younger self competing for the very thing that made them worthwhile (in their eyes).

MILs with jobs and friends and hobbies and a healthy marriage tend not to be this way, mostly because they don't have the time but also because they have perspective.

My mum is mostly not a great MIL (she can occasionally be very understanding and supportive), and it's because she has nothing in her life other than her precious sons. I feel bad for my SIL who lives closest to her. She's no peach either but my god she has the patience of a saint with my DM. I owe her big time.

My own MIL has settled into a decent and healthy relationship with me, dictated largely by her DS/my DH. I have kept her at a distance from me from the very beginning (I have a mum and don't need a second one) and facilitated a very close relationship with my DC (which is really lovely for all involved). But my DH really doesn't have much time for her, and that's really got nothing to do with me.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 13/05/2025 17:56

grapesandmelon · 13/05/2025 10:48

Especially the OPs comment about "sharing her story" i.e. making sure everyone knows she's the victim and how evil the MIL is, whereas someone who is actually upset about the situation (the MIL) doesn't want to badmouth DIL to all of sundry because she still hopes for a future relationship. It's often the instigators in these situations that want to get their story out there first to make sure everyone believes their tall tales about being the victim.

Not really, none of us know the OP - we're not acquainted with her or her MIL, so what point would that serve?

Sounds like a case of venting in the safety of anonymity to me.

hazelowens · 13/05/2025 18:02

My ex MIL hated me on sight as I was 19 and he was 32. She would just moan about everything I did and how it wasn't good enough. Our youngest was still in nappies at 4 as he wasn't interested in potty training, my eldest was dry morning and night before he was 2 and my middle son just before he was 3 she said I obviously didn't know what I was doing so I said I'll leave you with him for a week and you can see if you can get him potty trained. I got a phone call the next day asking if we could collect him as they had ran out of clean pants. He came home and I felt very smug. 6 months later he was dry day and night within a few days.

When me and her son split up she asked me what had I done to make him go cheat. I just shook my head and walked away from her

Original poster
Warmsunnyday1 · 13/05/2025 18:27

hazelowens · 13/05/2025 18:02

My ex MIL hated me on sight as I was 19 and he was 32. She would just moan about everything I did and how it wasn't good enough. Our youngest was still in nappies at 4 as he wasn't interested in potty training, my eldest was dry morning and night before he was 2 and my middle son just before he was 3 she said I obviously didn't know what I was doing so I said I'll leave you with him for a week and you can see if you can get him potty trained. I got a phone call the next day asking if we could collect him as they had ran out of clean pants. He came home and I felt very smug. 6 months later he was dry day and night within a few days.

When me and her son split up she asked me what had I done to make him go cheat. I just shook my head and walked away from her

Glad you showed her, sorry your husband has put you through this x

OP posts: