Evil MIL

[Warmsunnyday1]

Who has one? I do, shes a horrid narcissist who can see no wrong in her actions, she falls out with everyone, of course its never her fault, always everyone else,the poor woman. She doesn’t speak to her son or myself anymore because i dared to call her daughter out for speaking to me like I was absolutely nothing, i mean how dare I, should have just sat back and taken all the abuse like a good little DIL. Why are they so nuts?

Oh my actual god 😭 I would have hit the roof!

@Warmsunnyday1 I take it that you are now no contact with your shitty selfish mil?? if you are not, then I suggest you do it. for her to yell and scream in front of your son, a child, and her son, your husband just tells it all. she is totally unhinged! just make arrangements for fil to visit alone and do not allow her entry to your home. pretty sure your husband will support you if you do this!

Yes, well MIL has taken it upon herself to give us all the silent treatment x

That’s great surely, long may it last 😂

It is, im finding my confidence as a mother, woman and human being in general just building back day by day, DH is thriving and kids (especially DS can see right through her) which gives me great hope 😅

I’m a MIL and i don’t interfere, I get on really well with my son in law. But, I had a vile MIL who disliked me because I took her son off her. She’s dead now. It’s the only funeral I’ve ever been to where I felt nothing.

Yeah my now ex MIL is a sister of Satan. Turned my teenage daughter against me, is partly responsible for her being SA, which is going to court and has had her hospitalised a year ago, giving her too much alcohol.

My daughter is in a childrens residential unit (against my wishes) full of behavioural issues, due to ex MIL and still sees her all the time. Had a whole thread about it on here a while ago. I wish the fucker would die and go back to hell to be quite honest, maybe then my daughter would have a chance at life, as nobody apart from me tries to protect her (and gets cast aside). Social workers all need to be sacked.

Point is if anyone here genuinely has serious issues with their MIL have no doubt or guilt to cut her off. I wish I had.

Might have just ruined your thread. Sorry.

Thank you. My own family is lovely - bonkers in their own way but also kind, thoughtful, generous etc. My own (usually very quiet) mother had to be restrained last time she encountered MIL so I know it’s not just me!

Ex only has his vicious mother, he’s buggered. But I couldn’t live with the consequences any more, she has broken him. I will literally drink champagne when she snuffs it. She’s holed up abroad because none of her own family wants anything to do with her but she still manages to influence from there. Hateful old witch.

But come December I’ll be shot of them both with any luck! Currently in the 20 week “cooling off period” of the divorce process.

You are said MIL 🤣

I am so sorry you are going through this, keep going hopefully your DD will see sense and see through her soon 💖

I agree my MIL is certainly not horrible.

MIL in disguise was my thought as well 😅

Thankyou x

My MIL isn't evil, but our relationship is broken.

She said and did some horrible and damaging things in the past, despite me having spent years making an effort with her and including her in pretty much everything. I was younger then and my boundaries were not as good as they could have been.

The problem is, my husband still hates confrontation, avoids it at all costs and like his parents, prefers to sweep everything under the rug. Nothing got addressed and resentment built up and his relationship with his mum was damaged too and barely exsists. I was just left with hurt and resentment and in my family we talk everything through, so I am no good at the whole pretending everything is fine shit. I'm too honest for that now.

Many years later I did try to speak to my MIL about our relationship and what has happened but she didn't want to do that.

That's a very short story, but I never see anything getting resolved as I am the only one willing to talk openly about what went wrong.

On the flip side, I have a great relationship with my daughter in law.

I forgot to add that I think in so many tricky DIL and MIL relationships, the husband has a lot of responsibility in it.

Usually their lack of action and rug sweeping (usually as they have just been conditioned to accept it and it is just what they know) contribute significantly to the decline of the relationship.

I am a MIL and have a great relationship with my IL 'child'. I can partly thank my own MIL who taught me what not to do. I hope it will be the same for any IL 'children' I might have.

There are definitely two sides to every story and MIL has rejected any effort on my part to try to talk about things and work out whatever she felt from her side. I rest well knowing I did everything I felt I could (when it wasn't really my job and her son did nothing).

She probably won't live long now and I feel sadness for what I wish could have been.

She's not evil but I really don't understand how she can treat her son the way she has.

Three sides is the reality

Op I feel for you as someone who has also lost mum 😢

No one meets someone, falls in love to then have these other people suddenly come into their lives treating them badly

Thank goodness for mn where some of us can gather to talk about it, try and make sense of it and find a way through.

Gosh yes, this is so true. When you’re feeling attacked, you want your partner to support you, not step back, let it play out, then never mention it. This has been a theme in my relationship with DP for many years and I tolerate it because he had a difficult upbringing where he was physically and emotionally abused and felt rejected. So I have a lot of empathy for him with regard to his complicated relationship with his mum. I remember when my cousin’s MIL started being nasty towards her, her husband gave his mum a piece of his mind. After a few weeks of calm, the MIL started up again. He told her if she couldn’t be pleasant to his wife, that was it. And it was. There was no contact after that. Seems a bit extreme, but he said he could see who the aggressor was and that he knew it would probably never change. I was a bit jealous if I’m honest!

Yes thank you.
I lost my mum as a teen.
so wanted a good relationship with mil.
everyone warned me but I tried so hard.
sometimes We’d get on great , but she was quite unpredictable-
I’d never met anyone like this before

but she’d sent great long letters (which I can’t really remember what she said) all before the internet.
I got to the stage of read then in the bin. I did get so cross I actually replied to one - let her have both barrels. I was told by sil that I wasn’t my usual (people pleasing self) and I didn’t mean it. (I did)
The day my dh Finally told her , to her face ‘Enough’ I could have applauded.
as the years went on firm boundaries were put in place.
mil could be lovely, but also manipulative, attention seeking, drama queen , liar, woe is me and completely unaware of any self reflection.
she also alienated people / family.
she’s been dead a few years now and sadly sil is trying her hardest to take her place.
I’m not sure if I should reach out or not.
sil is giving us all the silent treatment because, (we think) we have denied her some money from the will.
it is only a few thousand that was ear marked for my dh, but she wants it as she says it was her dm.
we’ve Kept it safe fir dad / fil and have been using it to refit the bathroom/ walk-in shower.
once dad passes we will split whatever is left with her…..: but that’s not good enough as she has needs (holidays ) now.

Respect to cousins husband.
what a guy.
That is such a lovely sweet thing.

That was in reply to @DoNotIron

My MIL was not a saint. She could be quite difficult. But her heart was in the right place, she was generous and fun when not being difficult. When she died I grieved her deeply. My own mother was also difficult but could be personally hurtful towards me in a way MIL wasn’t. I’ve never forgotten some of the things she said. She ended up with dementia but I did my duty by her. At the end of the day there were good times with both of them and that is what I try to focus on.

Yes in our case. SIL (mid-40s) has always lived at home and is absolute poison.

SIL hates the GC and has now ruined all relationships with grandparents.

Yep. Most of my resentment comes from the fact that my husband didn't, or couldn't speak up in the way he should have done.

Like you, I understand why he found that so difficult but it still hurts.

We are very low contact now, but the relationship maybe could have been saved years ago if he supported me more. His relationship would have been better if he could have had these honest conversations when they upset him too.