To be genuinely tearful about this situation 🥹

[Theordinaryfam]

This will be very outing but I honestly feel so heartbroken and I am sure I am probably over reacting.
DD is year 6 of primary school, she has not had it easy and ill health has meant she has had a unique education journey so far.
she is an able, sweet and kind girl who causes very little trouble for anyone.
she has an IV central line called a Hickman line which she has had since neonates. She although has been through a lot tries her best at everything she does and is capable of most things when well.
the only thing that is fairly restrictive is water based activities due to high risk is sepsis - something we know all too well can put her life at risk. We have to take care in physical activities but that is usually easily adapted and she participates to her level of ability.
the school are aware of the issues surrounding this due to a few times now it being a barrier.
year 6 SATS are this week and between some medical appointments she is sitting them like everyone else.
she was excited about Friday because she anticipated something fun was going to happen with her class due to SATS ending Thursday and she was right.
The school however did do any risk assessments before booking a trip to a riverside water activity centre where they will be kayaking etc in the in the River Thames. She is the only child again that won’t be able to attend ( she can not participate in residential which for many reasons I accept and agree )
I could of maybe swang it with the hospital which again was something the school has had previous experience with regarding daughter to allow her with a specific swim gear that we could lend from a charity but they have given me 4 days notice.
tonight I have had to sit and tell DD that she will most likely not be able to participate in the Friday after her working so hard.
she is so upset and I am so angry but I know probably like I will be told in here she is one child 🥹🥹

Is every single child water safe with certificated proof of courses taken? How are they bringing an entire class to a river without every single child possessing actual proof they are water safe? Not just water safe, but also current safe? This reads like the school is planning to engage in reckless behavior. Can't she go and picnic on the banks? Not everyone has to get wet at the same time.

You could not pay me enough money to get in the Thames even in a Kayak, though I do appreciate her upset.

Can you arrange a meet up a few days after with her closest friends?

As a parent this much be absolutely gut wrenching.

Well thats not inclusive and they'll be going against their own inclusion policy. Complain.

I haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been covered. I’m the EVC (Educational Visits Coordinator) at a school. If a visit/trip is planned that not all pupils can take part in, the school should arrange an alternative trip to accommodate all
pupils.
Very shit of the school to not do this.

I wouldn't have phrased it in your particular way, and that's not what I was saying. However, now that you said that, I do think it's inevitable that for anyone in life with some kind of problem, some kind of sensitivity, there would be moments of rejection, of someone hurting one's feelings - whether it's for a disability, or for being too tall/short, for being too fat/thin, for wearing frumpy clothes, for having an accent... And to encourage a child to be over-sensitized or easily offended seems like a bad idea to me.

There is nothing remotely comparable about someone's hurt feelings over frumpy clothing and actual discrimination over a disability for gods sake.

Discrimination should absolutely come with offense and teaching a child to absolutely not accept it.

Your child has special needs. Under the Equality Act the school is obliged to make reasonable adjustments for her. To arrange a treat in which she can’t participate is not just insensitive, it’s not in compliance with requirements. The SENCo should have been consulted, a risk assessment drawn up and a discussion held with you about an appropriate treat for her so she was included.

If she can still go & participate in the activities the others will be doing whilst waiting for their group to go in the river then let her go. At least she'll be a part of it in someway rather than miss out completely. Could you arrange for a few of her closest friends to then come back to your home with her for tea & maybe a pamper session, face masks, foot soak etc. Make her feel a little bit special to make up for her missing out.

I'm sure they agreed because they realise they majorly messed up here. What they did was discrimination. There was absolutely no need to choose a trip she wouldn't be able to participate in. Cinema trip notwithstanding I would be making a formal complaint. This is not ok.

Your poor daughter 😢 That’s awful OP and the school should feel really bad about it as it’s not on … so do complain and make them think for the future - it’s not difficult to find an activity suitable for all!

When mine was in Y6, they had a pool party which of course was highly discriminatory. I've been kayaking on the Thames and been hit by a vodka bottle and and also got sick from the water.

I would NOT want a whole bunch of Y6 kayaking. They will mostly end up in the Thames. And it's also a very sporty activity which doesn't just exclude your child — it will actually exclude the kids who aren't sporty, aren't fond of water and they'll be coerced into doing it. I can't believe it passed a risk assessment!

Unfortunately the school stinks in their attitude. I would host an alternative event for all the children who don't want to kayak 😂. Sadly this is the life lesson that "life isn't fair and that's just the way it is". It truly sucks. 😢

Update on the situation 🤣
so Friday is here and DD still had a says exam to do so she did that first thing and then was convinced by teacher to at least go along as there was parks and games etc
she is now on way home because there wasn’t a park but a green patch and only table tennis 🙈
However the cinema trip I organised has been confirmed so she is happy with that !

Sounds like they persuaded her to attend under a pretence of inclusivity. Unfair and and blinkered school.

I agree. Poor DD.

Your DD sounds like a resilient little cracker who takes things in her stride.

Good for her!

I'm sure the school felt better to bring her along and pretend to themselves that learning to be resilient etc and watching healthy people do things she can't has been jolly good for her and makes everything all right.

There's only so much 'taking in your stride' you can do regardless of how you're praised for it - the praise largely being for masking and not upsetting others with your needs and feelings.

100%

THe 'leadership' at that school is very, very poor. Shameful.

Aw bless her.

The school are completely in the wrong for not finding something that the whole cohort can do.

That’s even worse. I’d go all the way on this complaint.

It's a pity that you seem unable to understand that I was showing a range of example to illustrate that ANYONE may have hurt feelings, for trivial things or crucial things. And, yes, I think that teach a child to be worked up in a frenzy of self-pity or outrage over every instance is a bad idea. You teach a child that the discrimination is wrong, that you push back whenever you can, but not to make a practice of acting like a perpetually wounded victim.
I'm also sorry to frequently encounter people who seem unable to accept the idea that there may be more than one approach to a problem.

Being disappointed and upset that you were excluded and discriminated against due to your disability isn't acting like a perpetually wounded victim.

Outrage and pushing back every single time is often the only way to be heard. I will always, always advocate for my disabled child when someone is thoughtless enough to exclude him due to his disability and he is learning to advocate for himself very successfully.

Advocating for your child isn't the same thing as encouraging your child to feel like a victim.
Coincidentally, I was just listening to a program where the parents' reaction was to convey to the child: Well, that's certainly disappointing - we'll go on to the next thing, and hope for better success next time.

Neither is refusing to accept discrimination.

''We'll go on to the next thing and hope you don't get discriminated against next time'' I don't think so.

Well, as I said, I find that this forum is not very open to alternative views.