To be genuinely tearful about this situation 🥹

[Theordinaryfam]

This will be very outing but I honestly feel so heartbroken and I am sure I am probably over reacting.
DD is year 6 of primary school, she has not had it easy and ill health has meant she has had a unique education journey so far.
she is an able, sweet and kind girl who causes very little trouble for anyone.
she has an IV central line called a Hickman line which she has had since neonates. She although has been through a lot tries her best at everything she does and is capable of most things when well.
the only thing that is fairly restrictive is water based activities due to high risk is sepsis - something we know all too well can put her life at risk. We have to take care in physical activities but that is usually easily adapted and she participates to her level of ability.
the school are aware of the issues surrounding this due to a few times now it being a barrier.
year 6 SATS are this week and between some medical appointments she is sitting them like everyone else.
she was excited about Friday because she anticipated something fun was going to happen with her class due to SATS ending Thursday and she was right.
The school however did do any risk assessments before booking a trip to a riverside water activity centre where they will be kayaking etc in the in the River Thames. She is the only child again that won’t be able to attend ( she can not participate in residential which for many reasons I accept and agree )
I could of maybe swang it with the hospital which again was something the school has had previous experience with regarding daughter to allow her with a specific swim gear that we could lend from a charity but they have given me 4 days notice.
tonight I have had to sit and tell DD that she will most likely not be able to participate in the Friday after her working so hard.
she is so upset and I am so angry but I know probably like I will be told in here she is one child 🥹🥹

Why can't your child go on the school trip & watch the others do the swim activity ?

I guess an adult would need to be with her at all times.

Seems very unfair & not inclusive

That's awful of the school. It would have been kind and of minimal effort for them to risk assess and book an activity that all the children could attend?
Does she have a close friend who could share her day out with you?

It's actually discriminatory to plan to exclude a disabled child or adult from activity.

I can't imagine anything worse - and I say this as a person with a disability - to sit and watch everyone else doing what you can't, and having a lovely time that you'll never share in, and have to look gracious about it. That isn't a memory I'd want a child to have. Particularly one who's already had a difficult time dealing with needs and experiences that those other kids have been lucky enough to be spared.

And I'd add to those saying it's a learning experience/necessary resilience for a disabled person or person with medical needs - they don't install an extra strong resilience chip in us at diagnosis.

This isn't going to help now, but as your DD gets older, can her line be switched for a port? DS had a lot of health issues when he was younger, and doing that change was revolutionary.

I'm so sorry for you and your DD in this situation though. I hope that the school rethinks the day out.

That's absolutely awful....there are endless other activities they could have chosen. I'm so sorry op....it must be so hard for you as her mum to navigate things like this...no wonder you feel as you do.

I was going to suggest that a qualified adult could take your daughter in a boat or large canoe.

My original reply was being overly cautious !

I have actually taken children with disabilities out on the water myself

It depends on health, risk etc

Complain to the school

No her hospital don’t allow ports for her particular treatment because it’s accessed for half the day every day and the products that go through it x

I apologise, I’ve not RTFT but I expect many people have suggested you complain or raise with the school. Whilst I agree, and believe you must fight this battle both for your daughter and for others like her I want to say two things if I may…
Firstly to acknowledge that whilst I’ve suggested you must fight this, I am sorry that you are forced into having to do so. I have children with additional needs and basically life is a series of battles just to get the most basic of things. I’m sorry for this reality and I wish it wasn’t so.
Secondly, my suggestion would be don’t just complain. Life is full of complainers. Peoples ears are switched off to complainers. Instead, perhaps go to school saying “I’m so excited to see that you’ve planned something fabulous for the Y6s. I’m curious to know how DD will be able to take part fully in this day. Could you let me know the arrangements urgently please so that we can jointly risk assess and ensure her access arrangements are agreeable with the medical professionals and we, her parents, who are jointly responsible for her health and care. We’d love the opportunity to ensure you’ve got everything covered and would be happy to help make any suggestions so that she is in no way discriminated against during this activity”
Because this IS discrimination and it needs calling out. You honestly need to say fuck it, and if the whole trip needs to be replanned and you become the least popular parent in the school with any ignorant morons who don’t ’get It’ so be it. They don’t matter. Your daughter does - as does every other person who has to graft and complain and fight for equality in 2025.

So update - in terms of school no update no contacted me, I am sure they will say they have more pressing things to deal with it being SATS week.

I also managed to sort out a free private cinema trip to see stich live action for a Friday afternoon ( different Friday ) so waiting to hear if they agree to this and send the email of the person they need to contact to confirm/ agree

I am sure this will be disagreed with and won’t allow it but I had to try.

I’d put in a formal complaint. Don’t expect it to be rectified but they deserve a letter with the words disability discrimination. I think they will have a duty to inform the LA they have a disability discrimination complaint (this is the case with childcare). Ofsted will just file it and the LA will probably say yeah discrimination don’t do it again and there will be no further action, but just because nothing will happen doesn’t mean you should just let it go. I have a disabled child and I’m fed up of them constantly being discriminated against by schools and other institutions there for “all children” who actually only there for the easy ones who don’t have different needs. We should complain every time and maybe then the school will think twice next year for the other disabled children.

@Theordinaryfam Could you plan a counter event? Or do something even better for her friends. Find the most adventurous, exciting thing that she can participate in fully and throw your energies into it? Appreciate that you’ll have a million other things to spend money on but it would be nice for her to have the experience with her friends. My daughter had a party at our house on the last day of school for several years now. Nothing complicated but it’s the last memory they have of each year. You could start planning something now to finish the year on her terms?

As a teacher I am shocked that the school have done this. We have quite a few children in the school with medical needs and we have always tried our hardest to coordinate trips with the parents to ensure all children are catered for and get to enjoy the experience.

I’m glad you’ve arranged the cinema trip and would bit fighting hard to make sure they approve it.

Take her to Paris OP. My suggestion for any of life’s disappointments.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is discrimination under the 2010 Equality Act. Schools have to make reasonable adjustments to allow opportunities for all. This is not a new condition, the school should have planned an activity ( of which there are many) that your daughter could have participated in. I would be seeking advice and go at the school guns blazing. This is your daughter’s last year at this school and instead of helping her make memories, they are making her feel unwanted. Sending you both lots of love xx

Completely agree.

Completely agree.

There are so many other activities they could have arranged.

Update - cinema trip for the following Friday I managed to get a wonderful organisation who DD has been involved with has been agreed by school. - daughter happy, so mum for the win I guess 🤣🤣🙈

YANBU to be upset for your daughter regarding this. It would really upset me too.

There are so many activities they could have picked instead, that’s the most galling part of it.

Totally shit of the school.

They knew this was an issue and could easily have found something non water based that includes everyone.

well done OP. Definitely Mum for the Win.

Well done!

This is crazy on the school's part. They should only organise activities that are inclusive. Very poor indeed.

This is a disgrace and I would make a formal complaint. They didn’t have to kayak - there a million other activities they could have chosen from that would have been fun and allowed your dd to participate.

My Dd has been excluded for different reasons but similar idea - not being considered in plans. Results in her feeling unsafe and excluded. I am always really taken aback when she is forgotten.

Great news!

I'd still be complaining that she was excluded. You shouldn't have had to plan an alternative yourself.