Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

@Mumof22025 wow what a selfish arsehole of a man.

I once saw the same happening to a woman on a plane and the man just sat there and let her deal with all 3 children including a toddler having full on meltdowns.

The mother seriously deserved an award, how she carried on without having stern words with her husband is beyond me.

If your husbands stance on going away is that he relaxes because he pays then I’d say let him bugger off on holidays with the kids, you stay at home and let him deal with the day to day shit xx

Id have to divorce end of.
Thats just awful.

Wow, if that was an actual thing then my husband would have free rein to be a completely absent parent because he takes home about 5 times more than I do.

You already know the answer to your question.

He didn't "pay for the holiday"
The holiday was paid for from family funds that were earned through your joint endeavours.

If he thinks his salary is "his", divorce the bastard. He clearly doesn't know or care about the meaning of marriage.

He's the breadwinner because you are caring for the children and you are never off duty.

It doesn't matter if his earnings exceed the limit, you still need to claim so that your national insurance is covered, otherwise it can affect your pension.

Your DH just pays it back through his pre tax earnings.

But, going back to your original question, he's an absolute dick. I'm a SAHM at the minute and I would be incandescent with rage if my DH suggested he gets a free pass to ignore his responsibilities as a parent because he's the breadwinner. It shows a complete lack of respect for your contribution to the family. please don't put up with this, you deserve so much better.

Those poor kids having a father that doesn't respect their mother or care for them.

That would be the last time I went on holiday with him. And I'd also be getting a job and telling him he needs to organise childcare from now on, because you're not being treated like the nanny any more.

He sounds like an absolute prick. I would have hit the roof and so should you. If his mate’s wife is foolish enough to let him take the piss it doesn’t mean you should.

Please do claim CB.

I mean I'd be back at work faster than you could blink & then I'd divorce the fucker.

I'd love to see his face when he finds out how much the divorce is going to cost him?

This CANNOT be true

I'd have snapped his headphones in half and launched them up the aisle.

In the hours where there are two parents present parenting should be as close to fair as is possible.
My partner is currently "the breadwinner" as I was made redundant earlier in the year and as I'm pregnant I'm on a career break. The only way this is possible is because my partner respects me and is a parent and partner first, friend second, sous chef third, and so on source of cash last. If he's attitude was different I would be on a path to independence as quick as I could. I have seen too many people in abusive relationships ground down by this type of behaviour that the abuse seems a normal part of a relationship. Lack of respect between partners and parents is a huge red flag for them not recognising your worth and that you aren't an equal part of the relationship.

Stop taking him at your word.

1. You don't have to accept this behaviour because he claims another woman does
2. Don't leave yourself in a vulnerable retirement because he claims there's no point in claiming child benefit. There is absolutely no benefit to him but there absolutely is for you
3. Start engaging in activities or potentially part time employment that boosts your self worth so that you don't hear is yarns about poor him and it's all on you making you believe you are getting what you are due. You are not. You are worth and deserve so much more than he is demonstrating right now.

He's treating you like the nanny. That's such selfish and horrible behaviour from him.

This...in a really load strident voice.
Doubt the OP would.
She sounds utterly gaslit and dominated by him.

That you feel you are in a "lucky" position is sad.

You are a very vulnerable woman who sounds as if she may need Women's aid support.

Nothing lucky about your situation at all.

Nope, this can’t be real. Surely not?!

Your husband is an arrogant cunt.

As for Child Benefit, you absolutely should still be claiming it, otherwise it'll affect your pension. Then if your husband is earning over the threshold, they claim it back from him. It's a way of keeping your "stamp", for NI contributions/pension.

Give them a call to discuss it with them but while you're not working, you do need it to cover yourself whilst you aren't working. Is your husband paying in private pension contributions whilst you're raising your children until you return to work? Bet he's not, but he should be.

As for his friends doing it that way - so fucking what? Who made them the experts?

Or for carrying them for 9 months and then giving them birth? - must be his turn to take over for a bit!

Dear God. Please consistently disappear on holiday and leave him to solo parent. Repeat consistently that you’re not paid help, you’re his wife and mother of his children. I’m actually really sorry that you’ve had children with a man who values you and your role within the family so little.

It wasn't your children's behaviour that was embarrassing on the flight. iI was your husband's, and every person sitting nearby that witnessed it will have judged him.

You can claim the child benefit but choose not to receive the payments so that you get the National Insurance contributions towards your State Pension.

You don't sound 'lucky' at all to me @Mumof22025 . I think your only option with a dickhead like this is to out earn him ASAP!

He needs reminding you are his wife and the mother of his children, not an employee !

He needs to get over himself. He’s their father - you guys are meant to be a team. It drives me mad when a parent suddenly decides they get to opt out of parenting. It always seems to happen when it’s hard and it’s just so selfish and weak. At least you know that anyone who saw your exchange on the plane would think he an absolute arse.

You are both doing important roles - he brings in the cash but you are looking after your children. Do not let him make you think you are any less powerful than he is. If I were you, I would say that you are baffled by his statement on the plane as it seemed to suggest that him having a job meant he could decide when he wanted to be a husband/father and that surely he sees the flaws in that argument? You both agreed to marriage and kids so now he needs to follow through on those promises.

I’d really start to fight back against this narrative he’s trying to set. Not necessarily by getting a job and playing him at this own game. I think women should be able to be SAHM and be respected by their partners. Tell him it’s not good enough and he doesn’t get to opt out of parenting just because it’s hard.