Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Surely this can’t be real?! Nobody can possibly think this, can they??

If it is real - you obviously have to leave him.

send him a bill for childminding

I just cannot image being with someone who treated me, and our children, like that.

I have no words.

I was just speaking to somebody who seemed to think it was sad for a woman to be single.

Then I read things like this and…

There is absolutely nothing I hate like a spiteful,childish man! A person who doesn't mind embarrassing the mother of his kids Infront of people, while you suffer. Is this the person you refer to as your pillar of strength? He doesn't care. LTB !

@Mumof22025 how are finances normally split when you're working?

Him giving you an allowance and you not having access to your family income, along with his comments would be classed as financial abuse.

@PinkBobby "he brings in the cash but you are looking after your children." And he wouldn't be able to bring in the cash if she wasn't looking after their children.

What a wanker.

So strange, yesterday I read a thread about someone being on a flight and witnessing a father so nothing on a flight whilst the mother dealt with two children the whole time, he was sat across the aisle, could this have been you? Hmmmm…

I've heard this kind of thing so many times! Husband in club, wife and kids in economy or husband ignores while wife sorts everything. (Only because for many many years dh worked abroad and like many of his colleagues travelled weekly.) Absolutely awful. It's so wrong and disrespectful OP.

I flew a lot when mine were little (had 3 under 3 then 4th is a good bit younger) often on same plane as dh and company paid club for him, we had cheap seats. DH would swap with me so I had space and a g and t or glass of bubbles and rest while he juggled 3 little monsters in the back.

Actually, now I'm old, lovely dh often annoys me so thank you op for reminding me what a nice man and father he is.

If there's a next time pop to the back of the plane for a very long loo break (tell air crew - they get people like your h all the time) and leave them to him for as long as you can. Or follow his lead. Tell him you gave birth to them and now they're his to deal with.

you will have years more of this if you don't go back full-time asap, tbh.

and that will stand you in good stead if you ever decide to kick him into the long grass, where he belongs.

My DH is in a senior role on the board at his company, ie, the main bill payer for most things within our household. He wouldn’t dare engage in that sort of abdication of parental responsibility twattery. Raise your bar, OP.

I

Despair

You should claim it at the nil rate. You can opt not to receive payment but you need to apply for it. It means your NI contributions are counted as paid for these years so you still get your full state pension.

Also your husband is an arse.

Absolutely this. My jaw genuinely dropped reading the post.

But tbh it's not about her working or not. It's about his misogyny and his basic lack of respect towards her. She should not go back to work to prove herself worthy of his respect. She will just end up in a job that does not pay as much as his does and still doing all the work and he will merely find another excuse to treat her like shit. If she wants to work- all well and good. But what is the bet that with the gap in earnings that comes from women doing the bullk of the duties and taking time out that he simply resents her not being as available as his handmaiden yet still expects her to do every single thing.

She's in a no-win situation as far as a true marriage and true partnership are concerned.

Sod that OP, this isn’t the 1950s, I wouldn’t last five minutes with such an ignorant prick

I was really, REALLY hoping you were going to say you had a job. Drat.

Still, at least you're married and he can't fling you penniless out on the street when you finally wise up to this man.

In the meantime, please don't have any more children with this man.

What the hell have I just read???
This is all kinds of wrong on so many levels. This would be the end of the relationship for me. You deserve so much more than this.

Do you remember what the thread was called please? I'm trying to find it!

I can’t catch up on so many posts sorry, but I appreciate everyone’s comments.

My husband has said we can have another look at CB when we get home as it may have changed since we last looked into it.

We do have a great life most of the time, lovely home, holidays etc. I just get frustrated when he’s like this and it’s especially embarrassing in public.

I don’t want to work before our second starts school unless I really have to. I am looked after financially so that isn’t a factor at the moment.

He paid for himself and his two children to go on holiday. What a fucking hero.
If you’re there just as the travelling nanny, is he paying your day rate on top of travel expenses? That’s pretty typical for a travelling nanny.
I’d be billing him for my time if that’s all he see’s me as.
What a prick.

I'm sorry, but your DH sounds dreadful. I was a SAHP when my kids were young and my DH never once rubbed my face in it. He was doing his job and I was working hard at home with our DC. He often says how easy he had it compared to me. Everything was joint and when he was home he helped with housework and with our DC because they are his kids too! Your DH sounds like a prized dick. No way in hell I would ever put up with that and you shouldn't either.

Why do so many people put up with shit husbands?