Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Well if he is going to treat you like a nanny you are entitled to a holiday, so he can entertain the dc for the rest of the holiday.

definitely look into claiming the child benefit as this covers you for the years where you are unemployed with regards to your state pension entitlement

I'm speechless and that doesn't happy very often

That is the exact same argument my 9 year old used when he wanted a phone or to eat only chocolate for breakfast. 'Everyone else's mum lets them'.

You can still claim child benefit for both children, receive the NI contributions, then your husband covers it back when sorting out his tax.

My DH does this as I don’t work at the moment, and he would never dream of telling me to deal with the kids because he paid for the holiday!

What a pathetic, nasty little man he is. I bet the people around you on that flight were pretty disgusted - i know I would have been.

Look, i hope you manage to have a nice holiday, but when you get home, get yourself signed up to receive the Child Benefit. Then think about looking for work, because I think you're going to need your independence sooner rather than later with this pitiful man.

Do you have access to family money?

You are not lucky OP. Your husband is a dick.

A husband is supposed to be your partner in life. Someone who loves you, but also actually likes you. Treats you with the respect that you deserve.
A partnership does not always involve everyone doing the same/contributing in the same way - there are very strong marriages where one partner works while the other stays home with the children. The key to success is that both partners value and respect the contribution of the other. Your husband earns the money for your family at the moment, but that does not make him the boss of your family. It certainly does not make him the king of your family.
He does not like you, value your contribution to the family, and seems like he doesn't even like his children very much if he's prepared to ignore them like this.

You deserve SO MUCH BETTER. Listen to what all the posters are telling you.
Get rid of him or start standing up for yourself - his response will tell you all you need to know.

And in the meantime, stop being so passive about the finances. You should have access to all the money, not just an account he puts money into. You should understand the impact on YOUR state pension of not claiming Child Benefit.
Respect yourself and insist that others respect you too.

Sorry I accidentally voted YABU, when are most definitely NBU!!!

Well yes absolutely. For instance, I work dumb hours and DH doesn’t, and I pay for most stuff. He does maybe 60/70% of the cooking and 80% of the house admin (of which there isn’t that much, but what there is).

Everything else is shared or works out shared over time. That kind of leeway… sure. But it’s more about time than money really.

He’s a DICK mate. If this is real. A proper proper total dick

He’s treating you like a kitchen appliance

This. What the ACTUAL fuck?

Echo this excellent advice op.

I was a SAHM for a number of years before my children started school. My DH would not have even considered behaving in this way! You are making just as valuable a contribution to your family as he is, it is not ok for him to behave like this.

No he's not.

He wouldn't stick his dick in an air fryer or a toaster.

Not good. He has no respect for you as a person and should have helped you as you are supposed to be a team.
He does not value what you contribute in the relationship. I would be disappointed in this situation.

Yes. Let him pay the tax!!!

Apparently you will be paid the Child Benefit and National Insurance contributions... and can put it into a savings account to earn interest until the Tax Bill is due.
Start reading up on all of this stuff on money saving expert, and start keeping track of all the household finances. Download and save any documents.

Do not let him talk you out of claiming CB I did this because I was told it wasn't tax efficient... and then missed out on two years of CB.. which I now have to make up.
Sort it out now.. the next self assessment forms are not due back until the end of the year.. so you could be earning interest until then..

He sounds like a big know it all... a Big I Am... too bloody good to sit near his kids on a flight. What a useless parent. Don't accept his pronouncements on things as Gospel - you've got google 😀You have NOT become a second class children because you have birthed and are rearing children. He is NOT your employer. Tell him if an employer spoke to you like that and didn't even let you have NI that you'd resign.

www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/benefits/benefits-if-you-have-children/changes-to-child-benefit-from-2013

@Mumof22025 please take note of how horrified we all by this. Because your husband is a cunt.

Oh Jesus, don't rely on this vile specimen to do anything that's in your best interests. You need to buck your ideas and start taking steps to protect yourself.

Waiting for the OP to respond on the million reasons why she is unable to get job. The more I’m on Mumsnet , the more I see that women , time and time again place themselves in vulnerable situations.

What's your plan B if your husband refuses to change ?

Absolutely fucking not. That would be the relationship over for me.

what is your plan Mumof22025?

@PeppermintPatty10 You can change your vote.

You have 98% of posters saying how wrong this is. It’s got to make you think?
value yourself.
you only get one life.

99% now!?

Well he’s a catch…….

He is a massive prick.

Stay quiet. Enjoy your holiday with your children, paid for by the man you will leave as soon as you can support yourself and them. Say nothing to him.