Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

It hasn't changed.

It's been like that since I had my son and he's older than yours.

He's talking bullshit.

And you need to actually get up and look at this yourself rather than accepting everything he says blindly. It's not healthy.

We are telling you, you are vulnerable and exposed because this is not in your name when it needs to be. We are not telling you this for our own health and wellbeing.

Of course it’s unreasonable that he should help! He should parent. Helping suggests that it is your job only (like those parents who babysit their own children). No. If the children have 2 parents, they should be sharing the parental responsibility equally on holidays.

No you just claim it he will then have to sort it out in terms of tax and paying it back

but you need to vet the NI.

it hasn’t changed (apart from the threshold salaries) bern this way since it was introduce back I think in 2010

“Lucky”

What a useless husband. You need to get a job for when you need to leave him.
(My dad was a bit like this - my mother eventually got a job when he was made redundant, but she still did all the housework).

Well you'll need his NI number (as well as your own) so just ask him for his most recent payslip (his NINO will be on it) and then you can also find out what he earns. 😉If he earns more than £60k pa he'll be subject to a "high income charge" (which is essentially him paying in tax some or all of what you're claiming in CB). Do make sure you claim online, rather than filling in a form, as you'll receive the first payment much faster. The second link I posted enables you to claim, but the first link with the overview of CB is worth reading too.

You need to put the claim in your name and then not claim the CB payments. That's it. You put in a claim in your name but opt out of getting payments because you are over the threshold. So as long as you are over the threshold you just say I don't want payment. You don't have to give your income.

This is worth thousands to you in the long term.

The details are easy to find. You have access to the internet. Google is your friend.

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit/make-a-change-to-your-claim
This is the relevant page that's says that you just opt out of getting the payments.

You really need to take responsibility for this. This should have fuck all to do with him.

There is nothing about your situation that makes you lucky.

You have ended up with a man who has no respect for you, belittles you and thinks he’s doing you a favour. He holds money over your head and tries to make you feel like you are indebted to him. Awful, I couldn’t live like that.

Don't wait to return to work, go back to work now. Support yourself, do not live off this wanker and then leave.

Is there a pension in place for you? I am sorry but your husband is just the kind of man who doesn't consider you an equal partner. You are useful for now but you are completely rrliant on hom choosing to support you. For now.

But @PinkBobby she’s staying at home to raise her kids, whilst financially reliant on a financially abusive man. The @Mumof22025 doesnt even know how much her husband earns . She considers herself to be “lucky”.

The women in my family sat me down at 14/15 and told me to NEVER rely on a man financially, kids or no kids. I was told to have my own degree, career, bank account , car etc .

In an ideal world , women should be able to stay at home with their kids with a loving and supportive family to support the family .

However, men can be truly evil and not to be trusted so you need a plan B.

Oh yes you are. YOU are. He can pay it back in tax. That’s what I do. My DH grumbles every year about having to do a tax self assessment because of it but I couldn’t care less. CB was designed for mothers. If DHs earn over the threshold that’s their issue.

Please tell me that you’re getting your NI credits even if you’re not claiming CB?

You can live with the level of contempt he's showing?

And you need CB - he can pay it back.,

"Darling, you know how I grew two children and birthed them for you; I'd be most grateful you could settle this invoice for time owed in lieu, medical issues/procedures and a month long spa holiday, due to the severe disfiguration caused to my body and my emotional state regarding said pregnancies. I also request equal time off in lieu, as compensation for the time off you have incurred whilst you carry on being an ignorant selfish nasty bastard and leaving me to do everything".
Yours,
Soon to be, Ex-Wife

And that’s understandable - we don’t all want to be SAHMs. I just appreciate some woman love doing it and it’s a huge sacrifice for them to stop. So if that’s her preference, then I would start taking the power back. Tell him he doesn’t get to opt out, call out his terrible behaviour. Leave the kids with him over the weekend so he knows what it feels like to do it alone etc.

And re your daughters, obviously it is entirely up to you how you choose to advise them about future relationships. Like I said before, it just makes me sad for women who want to be at home and are brought up to feel like there are no men out there who can cope with the idea that being a SAHM is respectable or to grow up believing that no man is ever trustworthy enough to support them through a few years of not working. It just seems so bleak!

In answer to your original question: it would be entirely reasonable to pull his sodding headphones out and throw whichever child you are struggling more to manage in his direction (when I say throw, I mean carefully and respectfully place gently next to their loving father and give him a death stare and tell him to PARENT)

If you’re not actually eligible for CB due to him earning too much then you can register for it without actually receiving the cash but you would still get the pension credits from it. You would need to phone up and speak to them to set it up. You don’t need to receive the money to pay back on a tax return to receive the pension credits as I’ve seen someone else suggest. You won’t be able to sort it without knowing his salary. I wouldn’t claim it without his knowledge either as you could end up owing £££ if you claim and you're not eligible…this happened to someone I know who accidentally claimed for years and ended up having to pay more than £10,000 back.

he thinks you are his servant 🙁

LTB

Bizarre logic on your husband's part. Selfish prick.

As you are married, you can assign your tax allowance to him (around 12.5k) which will reduce his liability. Very easy, just go to self assessment on hmrc. If you register and do a return now he will get tax back on his 24/25 return.

This is the kind of reason he should treat you as the intelligent woman you are; ask him if he has looked into this. Take responsibility, do some research on the Martin Lewis money saving expert site and have a sit down grown up convo.

good luck lovely and enjoy your holiday xxx

He's financially abusing the OP by manipulating her to do certain things for her because he is the earner. He is then clearly telling her that she can't claim CB (and the NI that goes with it) and from recent posts saying 'it might have changed since' is either pig ignorant over how this screws her over or is deliberately doing this to make her more dependent on her.

Either option is not good.

If you are married, you have a family arrangement by mutual consent where it's YOUR money not HIS, if you are getting 'pin money' you shouldn't be 'grateful' for it. It's household money.

You ARE contributing economically to the house. You would have to pay childcare otherwise. Don't let him suggest otherwise. You work longer hours than he does if he doesn't consider 'childwork' to be his responsibility. You should be telling HIM that YOU deserve a rest not the other way round!

They're National Insurance Credits (not Pension Credits) and OP does not need to phone HMRC to claim - she can complete the claim.online which is much faster. And she IS eligible.

This is only available to basic rate taxpayers.

The OPs husband is a higher rate taxpayer.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/marriage-tax-allowance/#:~:text=If%20your%20claim%20is%20successful,children%2C%20doesn't%20count.

The other partner needs to be a basic 20% rate taxpayer. This means you'd normally need to earn less than £50,270, or if you live in Scotland it's £43,662. Higher or additional-rate taxpayers aren't eligible for this allowance

But you’re not lucky because your husband is a prick. Because of you he is not spending anything on childcare, were it not for you someone would have to be paid to look after your children. My husband is a high earner and I’m a SAHM, outside of his working hours all household duties and childcare are shared, as they should be. He’s not doing you a favour, you’re providing a service that would otherwise have to be funded out of both of your salaries

Incredibly selfish. I'd be thinking it's grounds to leave - not caring about you or the kids, upgrading only himself. Ick.

You are talking bollocks.

OP isn't eligible for CB payments, but she should still claim because she gets the NI credits.

This means she has less years to work, when she does go back to work, to get a full pension.

Thus a couple with one not working and one earning £100k should absolutely claim CB. They just opt of getting the payments.

Given you need 35 years of contributions to get a state pension this is really really important for anyone who ends working part time or not working when they have kids.

A lot of women in particular are going to get caught out by this in a few years time because they've not realised how important it is to have in their name rather than their husbands.

And a lot of people, full stop, who are over the threshold for getting CB payments don't realise they should still claim CB at the zero rate because of this.

There needs to be more awareness of this.