Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

Well you don't need to give birth to another child as you married one. A male version of Verruca Salt who wants everything his way.

Lucky you!!!

He’s giving you permission to “look at” child benefit again as it “may have changed”. Your kids aren’t even at school so no, it hasn’t changed and you should’ve been claiming it. You’ve lost out massively here and he’s lording it over you making you think you’re lucky. You’re not lucky, you’re being used as free childcare to your own financial detriment.

Working parents 'bring up' their own children. An essential parental responsibility of raising children is paying for them. The other responsibility is providing hands on care.

You both seem to have misconceptions about what it takes to bring up children.

I certainly would not be dependent on someone who could behave like this. It's a very precarious position to be in.

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on here. You are not the hired help. If this is true, he's has no respect or affection for you. Jeez

This is so disgusting and awful. It makes me sad you are tolerating it as just a minor irritation. Weekends are non work time so I hope chores and childcare split equally at that point? No I thought not. Go away with your girlfriends for a weekend. I would help a struggling mum on a plane if she needed it. As a human being. He's so grim.

What in the Andrew Tate is this fresh vision of hell!?

No. He is able to pay for the holiday because you are raising his children without being paid for it!

He is a weak and poor man in so many ways. And saying that in front of children. His children! Disgusting.

Your husband is a twatt! If he seriously thinks this is ok then you absolutely need to reconsider things

The @Mumof22025 has shared that she has no plans on working until her second child starts school . She will remain financially reliant on a man who publicly checks out of parenting responsibilities when he feels like it.

I always share on posts like this the importance of raising girls never to be financially reliant on a man , it just leaves you so vulnerable to this sort of bull shi*.

With 2 under 5, you still need a plan B if things go wrong in your relationship .

No I plan on working again when our second child starts school in a couple of years. I know we are lucky to be in the position where I can bring them both up full time as husbands wage supports this.

Believe me, no-one is reading this with the takeaway of you being ‘lucky’…..

A lot of men with sahw think- I work, my wife doesn’t. I’ve had a rough year, I deserve a holiday. My wife has it easy because she doesn’t have to commute and slog like I do. They feel hard done by, like they’re cash cows and we take advantage. I can’t recommend getting back to work enough op x

This is why I wouldn't have children with a man who didn't believe in fully pooling resources, including income. It's all family money, just as the kids belong to both of you. Unless he's happy to give up his rights to the joyful parts of having children, he can't expect you to shoulder all the burden of raising them (including when on holiday), regardless of how much he's paid. His attitude toward you is a slap in the face.

Hes terrible @Mumof22025 . I would be worried about what rubbish lessons your children are picking up from this man

He would be told to get to fuck and when he got there to fuck off even further if he lived in this house

”I am looked after financially so that isn’t a factor at the moment.”

@Mumof22025 Well then the price is to accept him treating you how he likes because you’re financially dependent on him.

Have you spoken to him about this behaviour in the past?

What the fuck. What a wanker

My husband has said we can have another look at CB when we get home as it may have changed since we last looked into it.

If your eldest isn't in school yet you have always been eligible, he's either misled you or if we're being generous he's misunderstood. Either way sounds like he doesn't want to admit it so is telling you it might have changed.

As a family unit you may not be eligible to keep the money which is sounds like the only bit he was interested in, he's placed no value on your NI contributions. I wouldn't rely on what he's telling you because he didn't look at the whole picture last time!

This, you can just claim the child benefit, you do not need to ask him. Do this.

He's just fobbing her off.

Otherwise known as 'shut up little woman and do what I say'.

In what world does paying for things mean you get to opt out of parenting?!!

Or does he consider you 'The Help'?

You are not the Nanny.

I know a few people here are saying that she should get back to earning money and this is why women shouldn’t be dependant on a man but what if OP wants to be at home with her children before they go to school? What if that’s where she wants to direct her time and energy right now? Why should she have to sacrifice (again) because her husband is an arse?

Surely he is the one who needs to change, not her? Isn’t it better to encourage our daughters to make sure they choose a partner who recognises the importance of this role, in case that is what she wants to do if she has kids? And to raise men who understand if a woman wants to do this it’s a great thing and, more generally, they should treat their wife/partner as equal regardless of what they earn? I find the approach of back to work or your husband will never respect you really depressing as it slightly feels like we’re confirming what OH’s husband is saying.

Well it might be nice if he wasn’t an arse but it also makes it easy to become an arse if the wife doesn’t work outside the home - people resist everything but temptation

and it’s hard to see who might be an arse until it happens

so if you want to be a sahm make sure you save enough money to self fund before you get pregnant

It has not changed. He got it wrong.

Please don’t just let him look at it again. He will get it wrong again. Please listen to us.

You need to claim it for your pension. Protect yourself.

Two options;

1). You claim, you get the money and then HE pays it back through a tax return. You receive the national insurance credits.

2). You claim and choose not to receive the money, so nothing needs to be paid back but you still have the claim so you receive the national insurance credits.

That’s all there is to it. There is nothing for him to look into it. You choose and you claim. Do not let him stop you. Protect yourself.

I will go on at home and try to claim it myself. Do I need to input his salary? I don’t know his exact earnings.

As you said, he's an arse. He is very unlikely to change and it isn't something I'd be putting up with just so I could stay home. I'd be looking to get a job so I could LTB, staying at home isn't worth such lack of respect. Not to mention the awful example it sets for the children.

I will never encourage my daughters to rely on a man financially and this is one of the reasons why. If they become shit, the woman is very vulnerable and it can be hard to get out.