Husband wouldn’t help me on flight with children because he paid for holiday

[Mumof22025]

We have taken our two children away, making the most of travelling outside of school holidays because our eldest starts school in September. Both of them started playing up about halfway into the journey, my husband was sat across the aisle and just kept his headphones in depsite seeing I was struggling. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask for him to help and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that I could deal with it as he paid for the holiday. They were causing a scene and it was embarrassing with a packed plane. Do you think that parenting should still be equal even if one has paid more than the other for something? On a flight last year, he upgraded himself to a seat with extra room and that was a few rows in front of us, luckily the kids behaved.

It doesn't sound like he respects your contribution to the family at all!! His behaviour is disgusting.

My DF was the breadwinner (high flying job, big salary, lots of overseas travel etc) and my DM was an SAHP (from when I was born - I'm number 3 of 4 siblings). My DP were born in the 30's and 40's: Dad still rolled his sleeves up once home and got stuck in with parenting. He also made it very clear to us kids/everyone that he wouldn't be where he was (career wise), if it wasn't for Mum holding the fort at home with us.

I'm the breadwinner and believe me, it would have been absolutely amazing for me to have been able to work without worrying about childcare etc. My career would have progressed a LOT faster. Don't ever doubt your worth, and make sure - when you get home - that you have strong words about him starting to show some damned respect. Also, I hope that when you do go back to work, you ensure that parenting duties are split 50-50.

Tneyes much more to life than a "lovely home and holidays". As your children grow they will see his attitude . And it sounds like you put up with it because you don't want to work

You say you found this embarrassing, but HE should be embarrassed, not you!
Next time, say nice and loudly for everyone around you to hear, "Are you seriously telling me that you consider all childcare my responsibility because you paid for the holiday, with money I have enabled you to earn and save by carrying, birthing and taking care of our children and taking care of the household for you? Are you a husband and a father or do you consider yourself to have contracted out of those responsibilities?" Bonus point if someone whose opinion matters to him (boss, his mum) is in earshot.

I guarantee he'll think twice about his selfish attitude when it's shouted from the rooftops.

How dare you! She's raising young children, that IS work.

It's not her fault her husband is an arrogant asshole.

have it..... leave the bastard

if your a SAHM - you need to get a job asap and divorce the prick

LTB - seriously.
Do not enable this appalling, arrogant, selfish, entitled, misogynist behaviour.

Let’s set the bar a bit higher, come on.

Are you married or people who just hang out together? In a marriage it shouldn’t be he pays/she pays, everything should be shared, including childcare.

Ewww. He sounds delightful. If he enjoys feeling smug about spending his money on you he’s going to positively ejaculate during the divorce.

How do you not seem to realise that this isn’t normal or acceptable? What was your upbringing like? Do you have any friends who can tell you that he is awful?

I’d be launching them where the doesn’t shine I’d be so fuming

Up his "aisle" would be more appropriate!

This one. It's a sadly illuminating thread.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5332005-to-think-most-women-are-still-doing-the-majority-of-parenting

Do you feel ‘lucky’ because nothing about your opening post makes me think you’re lucky. It makes me think you’re a victim.

its a horrifying example you’re children must be seeing. Are you happy to raise your kids thinking that’s normal or do you want better for them?

Define happy!

What a dick. Parenting responsibility is shared

well yes, and if she is also a breadwinner his argument falls.

TBH my one and only answer to this is: get a job and LTB. But i wanted to put it more gently since we LTB brigade usually get it in the neck for saying that.

and what happens when you go out to work-will he say i earn more im not doing anything?

disgusting pig

I wouldn’t be having anymore children with him either, because he’s the kind of man that makes my vagina clamp shut. Permanently.

He’s absolutely disgusting. It doesn’t matter who paid for the holiday, they’re his children too.

I'd be bringing my return flight forward and leaving him on holiday with the kids. Lovely time to chill out at home.

also he shouldnt be giving money to you like a child you should have your own access

Doing volence to the headphones would be a waste of a good piece of kit. I don't recommend it.

Defenestrating the husband at 35,000 feet, on the other hand, would arguably be a gift to humanity.

<CABIN ANNOUNCEMENT>

Good afternoon, passengers. This is your Captain speaking. Cabin crew, arm the doors. We need to lose some weight before landing and there is at least 12 stone of useless man baby sitting in Row 22E that will do the job nicely.

When I read threads like this, I assume it’s true, and I make sure to reiterate once again to my daughters to only become a sahp if their spouse respects the role as equal to their breadwinning role, equal access to all funds including pensions which should all be joint, and 50/50 parenting when they’re home.

It's not her fault he's an arsehole but it is a choice to accept his behaviour because she wants to stay at home with her DC.

Fuck me I've read some awful stuff on here but this is truly shocking.