Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

[horchatatresleches]

We were at a small cafe we hadn’t visited before – just me, DH, and our baby DS. When DS needed changing, DH went to check the facilities but came back quickly saying the baby change was in the ladies so I changed him but it got me wondering about what is the etiquette.

The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. So it’s not like he’d be walking into a room with other women inside and making anyone uncomfortable. I’ve been to similar cafes where both loos are labelled gender-neutral, which seems simpler. Personally, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw a dad coming out of that kind of loo with a baby, but DH felt uncomfortable using the ladies even though there was no one else around. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if I hadn’t been there to help.

Is there an etiquette about dads using the ladies in this kind of setup if that’s where the baby change is?
YANBU - he’s fine to use the baby change
YABU - he shouldn’t go in the ladies there

It isn’t the “women’s toilets “ it’s a single occupancy space if you read the ops post so can you specify what the issue is exactly with a man going in to change a baby ?

Oh fgs. Have you even read the thread? He needs to change the child. The changing table is in that cubicle. No women would have been harmed in the changing of that child. What a waste of energy to have a problem with that.

No. It's ok for the adult with a baby to use the only available baby change facility. In the same way they do when the changing facility is put into the disabled toilet even though the parent is not disabled.

of course it's bizarre.

But unless men step up and do the work, how will cafés know they want the facilities? it is making a point.

Honestly can't believe some of the replies on here. What's he supposed to do? Change a baby in the men's (in the urinal? On the pissy floor?), or maybe on the table in the middle of the cafe where people are eating? Or maybe he's supposed to trog the poor baby all across town until he finds a cafe with a changing table in the men's? Is that before or after he stands arguing with the cafe owner 'demanding' and threatening to sue? Clearly it's not going to be an issue he's changing his baby on the only baby changing table in the place. Seriously, people need to get a grip.

OK, so every establishment, even tiny cafes should have....

A loo for the ladies with baby changing
A loo for men with baby changing
A disabled loo for women
A disabled loo for men
A disabled loo for women with baby changing
A disabled loo for men with baby changing
Maybe a loo with no baby changing at all for the fiercely childfree folks.
And lets not get into adults that need changing too.

So a small cafe will end up being a toilet facility with a tiny little counter to pick up a cup or tea from.

He is supposed to do what women did years ago: ask the café why they have the baby change in the ladies only.

TBH there is an easy solution here. 2 completely enclosed toilets with sink? then the café uses their little grey cells, labels them as unisex toilets, one of which has the baby changing facilities.

Years ago i was at the London Museum of Water and Steam (brilliant) and i noticed that the men's, as well as the ladies', toilets had a baby change sign. I took a photo. A woman working there saw me and said "i made sure there was one in the men's" and she was so happy that someone appreciated that.

For a single occupancy room? I have no issue, I don't really think it makes a lot of sense to have them differentiated by sex anyway. I was in a cafe and some poor bloke waited for over 20 minutes for a fellow in the men's, who seemed to be having some issues. All the time the one labeled "ladies" which was identical was open.

No - I said that once the toilet is unisex, it is open to all men, not just those with babies. That would be direct sex discrimination - to keep out any man who didn’t have a baby. Apologies if that wasn’t clear.

It sounds like they are completely enclosed toilets with sinks. The kind that usually don't have designations by sex.

A) I posted before the OP said the men’s was very small.

B) I was asking what her DH would do going forward.

They will always find somewhere

The baby got changed no one got hurt and they all got on with their day the end.

Well - that is was the OP proposed. But yes, most are saying for both to be unisex, both with sanitary bins, one with the baby change (as one is bigger than the other) and clearly labelled as unisex and unisex + baby change.

Oh look, another fool.

It really isn't rocket science, is it? 2 single loos = two single loos open to those who need them, with one having space for a baby changing table. Sorted.

Because if he's Al me he's Go next choice but to use ladies. If his wife is there he's choosing to go into a ladies toilet for no good reason.

No. He's choosing to go into an enclosed space with a baby changing unit, for the reason that his child needs changing and it's his turn. Reason - right there.

I think the mum wanting to sit and enjoy her coffee, and leave the dad to change his own baby's nappy, is enough reason for him to go onto a self contained ladies loo.
It is self contained.... who is he harming by using it?

There isn’t one. The bloody obsession with toilets is madness.

No, it isn’t. But it does require the clear signage and bins as I said. Otherwise you’ll end up with two spaces for men to use and only one for women - because many people do abide by the signs. Including most men, I would posit.

There are only two spaces. Easy to stick bins in both.

It doesn’t need to be unisex, it can be ladies. But a man with a young daughter should be able to enter a ladies’ toilet. A young girl’s right not to watch grown men urinate trumps the right of a grown woman to adjust her headscarf and similar rights mentioned here.

What does "gender neutral" mean?

Unisex