My son is changing.

[BarbBarb]

Hi everyone. my son is 22 and I have been noticing a lot of changes in his interests. my and DH were hoping he would go down the dependable sensible type. But he seems to be keen on the arts. He's been talking about starting a podcast with his friends and he's stopped cutting his hair and is getting a ridiculous mullet to go alongside a wispy mustache which looks so untidy. The other day he tried to show me a video of Ed Sheeran where Ed Sheeran was showing off all his tattoos. I am just worried that the artistic life is a struggle and certainly don't want him getting a Tattoo he used to be such a sensible boy. Am I over reacting?

Whatnow?

He is 22. He can style his hair however he likes. He can try his hand at a podcast. He can get a tattoo. He can develop an interest in art or veganism or Morris dancing or train spotting...

Jesus wept, can you not just be proud of him?

🤣🤣🤣

LOL!

Ok.

He sounds great. Exploring his interests and evolving as a man. It’s a positive.
By 30, he may well be completely different again( I have 24,27,31 aged DS’s)

Not just unreasonable. Very unreasonable.

I’m not even going to go there with your comments about style, but at 22 he can do his own thing. As long as he’s a decent human being that’s all that matters. Yes he has to earn a living, but he can do that in addition to hobbies and individual style. Support him in the highs and lows and he’ll be fine.
PS some of the best people I’ve ever known have tattoos, even visible ones

You sound like you're 90 years old.

Well, there is nothing wrong with being 90.

But his back tattoos are all colourful square frames and it looked like a quilt.

That’s what I thought. The guys an adult!!

I know exactly what you mean. You want your kids to get good solid well paid careers that mean they won't struggle in later life.
Most people here are telling you to leave him be but of course a parent wants their child to be in a stable career rather than notoriously difficult careers like the arts and acting. Yet 97% of the votes here say you should let him head into a difficult career rather than a more stable one.
I also agree with you re tattoos. The people I know who have done best in life have none; those that complain about having no money all have tattoos... make of that what you will. Generally tattoos are chosen by people who make poor life choices in general, complain about no money but happy to spend £100 on tattoos... zero sense.
At the end of the day OP he is old enough now to make his own decisions but expect him to be wanting financial support through life.

At the end of the day OP he is old enough now to make his own decisions but expect him to be wanting financial support through life.

@Zebedee999 Financial support is where the OP can draw a clear boundary though. You can be open to your adult child’s career aspirations while also making it clear that unless they’re in FT education, they’ll need to find a job that actually pays their bills. Her DS can easily work and make podcasts in his spare time. for example.

As I said upthread, the two musicians whom I know also have other jobs. Perhaps one day they’ll be able to entirely devote themselves to music, but they’re not earning enough from it yet.

Yes you make a good point. If they can self fund their dreams then fair enough. Well argued.

Of course he would need to self fund his dreams with working in the side. it would be unfathomable for a parent to entertain this no?
The same as if he wanted to go off travelling - he’d have to graft and save and wait till he had the funds.

I do miss Yahoo Answers R&S.

@Lardychops Well yes, it seems obvious that he’d be self-funding but I’ve learnt from other parents that you need to make your financial boundaries really clear to young adults.

i can think of three sets of parents whom I know with 24/25-year-olds who are pursuing dreams but seem to think that doing an “ordinary” job to find themselves in the meantime is beneath them.

Of course, it’s fine for their parents to do ordinary jobs to pay all the bills. 😂

Agreed boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!

Who are these crazy mad parents lol !!Our boundaries were set at 14 with the expectation of a part time job !

And then on leaving FT education it’s work and start paying your pay. And if you hate that job find another before you leave !

Following your ‘dreams’ can fit in around work - (unless you are of course a 19th C French bohemian in a Garet living on art, fresh air, and passion alone….)
xx

Reading this makes me very glad that my parents only expectation of me was to live the kind of life that makes me happy. They never pressured me down a particular path. Oh, and I have tattoos but I’m a higher rate taxpayer. Go figure.

Awesome! I had a fiance who had tattoos, sleeves in fact. He was a chartered surveyor. Wonderful, charismatic, loved by everyone. He just kept his sleeves down, ooh and don’t get me started on my brothers dreadlocks. He’s also doing very well for himself. Nice home, wife and two kids.

@Ratisshortforratthew and @SparklesGlitter Zebedee999 is giving terrible (and very old fashioned) advice! Maybe they and the OP should watch The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin? 😀

I have a friend who came from an academic family (parents high earners) who decided to go to circus school rather than uni. Their parents were completely supportive. They had a wonderful career, were pretty much continually employed, travelled the World, met some interesting and some famous people and appeared in a few pop videos and short films. Met and married someone in the same industry. After 25+ years they trained in another creative but lucrative area and now have a lovely life - I'm quite envious!

On the flip side, DS is training to be an accountant - I imagine what the OP would consider a nice stable career. TBH we weren't thrilled initially - mainly ignorance on our part not really knowing what it entails and partly us thinking that it's a job we would find boring (which is true). We'd never tell him any of that though and are 100% behind him. A couple of years into it, he enjoys it, finds it interesting and has made lots of friends - and doesn't regret not having the millstone of student debt around his neck. Fortunately no mullet 😂

He likes different things to you and has other interests. Going into the arts is awesome and one of my daughters has followed this route
yabu he’s living his life. Not one that meets your ideas and dreams

If he's raving about Ed Sheeran, he's pretty dependable and sensible I'd have thought.

See, what you got there is a Creative. I'm so, so sorry.

People don't understand what it's like, how awful it is. I've got two of them in their twenties. It's dreadful. They appear to be perfectly happy wearing secondhand bustiers and eating a lot of home-made paella. I mean, they do have jobs - working in trendy bars, for Pete's sake - but even that's part-time and they only put real ambition and effort into making music and films and clothes. It's pretty bad. They have a website shop and everything. One of them's in a relationship with a guitarist, if you please. And she dropped out of university. Of course, they say they're happy - but what do they know?

All I can say to cheer you up is that my eldest child looked likely to go the same way, but got over it and now has a very stable and well-paid job, and a mortgage, and a child. So for a few lucky ones, it's not a life-altering condition.

Sadly though, many Creatives stay that way for life. Yes, it's hard on the parents, but - and I mean this - we manage to love the Creatives almost as much as we love the sensible one. I won't say it's easy, and of course they don't know the heartache they put you through, but once they've come out as Creative, you can come to terms with it, in time and with a lot of therapy.

Now that it's been mentioned, it occurs to me that MN ought to have a dedicated forum for the support of those of us who, tragically, have given birth to musicians, artists, writers, designers and, yes, even bloggers. I'll send something to MNHQ.

In the meantime, just remember that this is not your fault. You may have unwittingly passed on some sort of gene for imagination and creativity - I know I did, because I do have secret longings to make music and write poems - but they have chosen to indulge this unnatural propensity, despite everything you've done to discourage it by talking them into getting a degree in Economics.

Tell you what though - this wouldn't be happening if we still had National Service. A couple of years in uniform, being shouted at and painting coal - that'd soon knock this nonsense on the head.

Again, so sorry. I wouldn't wish Creative children on my worst enemy.

Where are they getting tattoos for £100? Asking for a friend.