My son is changing.

[BarbBarb]

Hi everyone. my son is 22 and I have been noticing a lot of changes in his interests. my and DH were hoping he would go down the dependable sensible type. But he seems to be keen on the arts. He's been talking about starting a podcast with his friends and he's stopped cutting his hair and is getting a ridiculous mullet to go alongside a wispy mustache which looks so untidy. The other day he tried to show me a video of Ed Sheeran where Ed Sheeran was showing off all his tattoos. I am just worried that the artistic life is a struggle and certainly don't want him getting a Tattoo he used to be such a sensible boy. Am I over reacting?

Mine went to giant cockroach

🤣

It’s always humorous to read what parents have to say about their children on here, as if strangers had raised them.
lol

Is he listening to rock and/or roll music?

Unless your Chris Williamson who is brilliant.

This x100, there are far worse things he could be doing 👍

Well yeah, he's an adult so his personal style is none of your business.

Is he living independently or is he financially reliant on you? If the latter then I'd insist he is taking steps to become financially independent and that includes getting a decent qualification - he can do this while exploring artistic avenues.

Is this satire? Can't imagine being worried because a child of mine had a... checks notes... moustache I didn't like.

You made me realise that I had forgotten about my Dad!

My Dad was a full time author and we were poor as piss. He did ok for a while but as more authors entered his genre and the genre changed, he found it harder to get published. We relied on Mum's factory line work (pre-minimum wage) and benefits to support us.

Lol I work at a uni, you can’t shake a stick round my neck of the woods without hitting a 20 something with a mullet and a dodgy ‘tache. I think a podcast is relatively benign interest for a 22 year old man, just chill out and practice saying “that’s nice dear” one repeat.

Stupid hair cut and wanky moustache at 22? Seems like he's a late bloomer. My cousins kids are all like that and in their teens lol.

My son did an arts degree and has tattoos. He grew his hair at one point, all straggly and hippy like, a big change from his short haired, private school persona. He’s absolutely fine. He has a job, friends, girlfriend and back to shorter hair. Nowt to see here.

How is it narrow minded? All I am doing is relating the experiences of the only real life people I know working in the arts. Including, in a later post, my own Father.

Have you always been sensible, dependable and never tried to discover who you are outside of your parents wishes?

The only thing that parents need to push hard their children at is to be happy, spread their wings and follow their dreams and aspirations.

He’s 22. An adult.

You may not like his choices but they are his choices. All you can do is be honest about your opinion of he asks for it.

“mum should I get this tattoo”

”I’m not a fan of tattoos and remember they are permanent. But ultimately it’s your decision”.

What? He likes a popular artist and popular styles for his age range (mullet, stache and tattoos are practically the Gen Z uniform for straight men at this point) and he wants to do something that millions of others are (podcast)?

He sounds incredibly normal. You should be glad he likes the arts its a sign of someone who takes interest in the world around and outside of them.

The majority?

I can’t believe he’s got to the age of 22 without showing some kind of rebellion to be honest. Isn’t that what teenage years are for ?!

YOU find them ridiculous.
Others like them. Mullets are quite trendy at the moment. But trendy or not, it’s non of your business which hairstyle he has. He’s an adult.

oh no... long hair and facial hair, those things that most men have had for all of history until recently, how ever will he get by.

Apart from the Ed Sheeran part I don’t see the problem tbh.

He’s an adult and doesn’t need helicopter parenting.

You’re not unreasonable for feeling this way, but your son is 22, his life does not revolve around what you want or like. If you don’t like tattoos and a mullet, don’t get them. If you are projecting these feelings onto him, you’re being unreasonable.

For context I have a son who is 19 and shaves his head with a mac 3 razor as he hates his curly hair. I hate it but it’s his head. My attitude is very much “you do you dude, I love you regardless”

Christ on a bike, get a fkn grip!! He's 22 not 12. There's probably a lot about you he is not keen on either.

I hope you aren’t making fun of his hair or desire to explore options for himself.You may find that damages your relationship long term. Try to be non judgmental and supportive

So I am an artist, went to art school did a BA, then went to London and did an MA at the RCA on a full scholarship. To work in a creative field is super hard and their is very little money in it unless you get very lucky. There is also a huge social aspect to the art world which hugely favours extroverts and those who love to party. Its about getting out their week in week out to opening and events getting your face known by the people who can help make your career gallerists, curators and by quite frankly ingratiating yourself to them. That isn't me and nor could I afford to stay in London for long after graduation.

I think most people in creative fields need to have multiple income streams or careers to make it work and that requires a lot of energy and a certain ability to hustle. Many teach, or do community arts work but even these jobs are thin on the ground. I also think that not every creative is blessed with that king of energy or attitude. I am not especially. In my case I was from a poor back ground but married a man with money (I didn't marry him for money) who supported me until I got my career going, well he still supports me but I make decent money now. It would surprise you how many female artists, actresses, dancers and so on marry men with money, very few marry fellow artists. For a guy the chances of finding a provider are less likely so he will need to hustle.

It isn't an easy life but it can be rewarding even if not financially. However I think it is much harder now to make it work, changes to benefits and tax over the past few years make it harder as well as the ever rising costs of living, lack of affordable homes. Many artists have family money so can rely on hand outs from time to time as well as inheritances and family connections that will save them from destitution in old age, those from modest backgrounds don't have that luxury and will need to face reality sooner or later.