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Original poster

My 84yr old Mum asked if she should be addressed as a Woman

323 replies

Horrace · 12/05/2025 13:19

Yesterday my 84yr old Mum had to be interviewed by the police after witnessing a sudden death of a close friend. The death was traumatic in itself and happened abroad.
The first question the officer asked my mum was " would you like to be addressed as a woman?"
My mother was furious at this but also so upset and tired that she burst into tears.
I am so cross. I don't understand why they would ask her this. Would they ask a man similar.

OP posts:
StMarie4me · 13/05/2025 20:42

Yellowbluemonday · 12/05/2025 17:47

When asked these questions. I just answer with my first name ….

Your pronouns …. I just say “Name”

Your name is a proper noun, not a pronoun, so you are making yourself appear uneducated.

Annascaul · 13/05/2025 20:45

StMarie4me · 13/05/2025 20:42

Your name is a proper noun, not a pronoun, so you are making yourself appear uneducated.

Show quote history

I’m sure that’s the main consideration here 😁

Original poster
Horrace · 13/05/2025 21:02

@BundleBoogie
Thank-you.
So well said

OP posts:
BundleBoogie · 13/05/2025 23:08

Horseebooks · 12/05/2025 20:29

I’ve been mistaken for a trans woman (tall, big shoulders, massive hands). Before you lot all decided you could always tell it was only a couple of times (or it was probably loads of times but nobody cared). Looking forward to loads of fun in bathrooms going forward.

Show quote history

Blame the men invading women’s spaces for making women a bit more concerned about who is around them then.

When you say ‘you lot’ are you not including yourself in the female category? Are you actually a transwoman? My tall butch friends haven’t had any issues recently.

HollieHock · 13/05/2025 23:11

BallerinaRadio · 12/05/2025 17:24

I would imagine it's standard procedure and they would ask a man this. Unless she was confused and they asked would you like to be referred to as Mrs Surname maybe

How TF is this "standard procedure"? This is an abomination.

Millyjanice · 13/05/2025 23:19

I thought they’re stopping this nonsense ?!
The NHS forms I fill out have 2 options: male or female.

CustardySergeant · 13/05/2025 23:24

Birdsongsinging · 12/05/2025 18:49

My 85 year old mother was asked if she was pregnant. They had her medical notes in front of her so it was pretty obvious!

Ludicrous.

Fruitbat99 · 13/05/2025 23:30

Shes witnessed someone snuff it and this is what you're posting about? Is it really that much of an issue?

CrookedNeighbours · 13/05/2025 23:37

Horrace · 13/05/2025 06:46

@wlv12 if a patient refuses to answer, do you refuse to treat because you can't move on to the next step in your process or do you do what your eyes and brain tell you

I’d love to know the answer to this too @wlv12

because I certainly wouldn’t entertain such stupid and insulting questions.

RedToothBrush · 13/05/2025 23:40

YellowDuster12 · 12/05/2025 17:56

In the NHS the service I'm familiar with asks patients what their preferred pronouns are at the first contact, and what their gender identity is. Makes it easier to monitor accessibility, whether the service is reaching people and whom it works for/doesn't work for, prevents causing offence by misgendering, and shows patients that the clinician assessing them cares about their identity and getting it right/being respectful.

I did notice our midwives (we had a few different ones) asked us our pronouns and gender identity, including when receiving breastfeeding support (whether I was comfortable with the term breastfeeding or preferred another term). I think it's brilliant and shows that services are at least making an effort to treat patients as individuals and be respectful from the get go.

Show quote history

I think it is massively disrespectful to women to do this.

The idea that sexist stereotypes should define you and that sex can be changed is utter nonsense.

InPraiseOfIdleness · 14/05/2025 00:03

wlv12 · 12/05/2025 17:24

I’m a midwife and have to ask patients at their initial booking appointment if they identify as female and ditto to their partner, male or female so yes, they could very well ask males if they would like to be addressed as a male.

It’s literally a question we have to answer on our computer system before I can move on with other questions. I dont know if it’s the same in the police. I hope your mum is ok.

If they’ve got a need to see a midwife then it’s pretty obvious which sex they are surely?

CrookedNeighbours · 14/05/2025 01:00

HollieHock · 13/05/2025 23:11

How TF is this "standard procedure"? This is an abomination.

Show quote history

They only way to stop this is for us to stop pandering to it.

ie Don't answer the question
call it out as insulting. If people want to be addressed as something other than their medical notes signify they need to speak out.

OriginalUsername2 · 14/05/2025 01:41

So they’re asking each and every person if they’re one of the 0.5% of people in the UK who identify as Trans? Surely they can just.. mention it themselves?

miraxxx · 14/05/2025 02:59

macaroniandcheeze · 12/05/2025 17:58

It’s just a modern politeness. Making any kind of assumption about a person and how they wish to be addressed or labelled (not just gender but also marital status - Miss/Mrs - and racial terms) is impolite. So it’s best to check.

Edited

It isnt politeness. It is massive stupidity.

Glitchymn1 · 14/05/2025 03:23

TortolaParadise · 12/05/2025 20:53

I wonder how the conversation would progress should a 76 years old say yes I am 6 months pregnant.👀

Show quote history

This^ what then? It’s bloody ridiculous.

Original poster
Horrace · 14/05/2025 06:48

Fruitbat99 · 13/05/2025 23:30

Shes witnessed someone snuff it and this is what you're posting about? Is it really that much of an issue?

She witnessed someone snuff it and this is what they ask her.
The irony

OP posts:
stickygotstuck · 14/05/2025 06:58

OriginalUsername2 · 14/05/2025 01:41

So they’re asking each and every person if they’re one of the 0.5% of people in the UK who identify as Trans? Surely they can just.. mention it themselves?

Edited

Indeed.

That's how the world work's - If you deviate from the norm it's up to you to make it known. AND you'd only bother if it's an issue for you.

Postpartumbloos · 14/05/2025 07:10

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has been identified in real life, so we've agreed to take this down.

RedToothBrush · 14/05/2025 07:16

This reply has been deleted

The OP has been identified in real life, so we've agreed to take this down.

It's not narrow minded. Asking this stuff is regressive. The ideology is sexist and homophobic.

BundleBoogie · 14/05/2025 07:21

Fruitbat99 · 13/05/2025 23:30

Shes witnessed someone snuff it and this is what you're posting about? Is it really that much of an issue?

Imagine my surprise that someone who uses the horrendously disrespectful term of ‘snuffed it’ in relation to a sudden death of a person, also objects to people discussing how it feels when the police turn up and start spouting such ideological nonsense that they will happily believe the impossible - that a man can be a woman (and vice versa) and therefore they are no longer the grown ups in the room (which is essentially what we pay them for).

BundleBoogie · 14/05/2025 07:26

This reply has been deleted

The OP has been identified in real life, so we've agreed to take this down.

Hilarious.

Do you think that was a good use of the nurses time and NHS resources?

Multiply that by millions of patients and just that alone is a huge waste that just means the NHS will struggle even more.

Maybe work on your empathy. It’s an important attribute for mothers.

sandv · 14/05/2025 07:38

I’ve never actually been asked in person how I identify but I’d find it fucking insulting that it wasn’t apparent I was a woman. I’ve decided my answer will be ‘billionaire supermodel’ and see them put that on their form.

matresense · 14/05/2025 07:56

Why don’t people ask “how do you like to be addressed”? Then someone who wants something more formal can say “Mrs X” and someone who loves gender identity stuff will say “Mx X and my pronouns are….” - they will, because they love telling people that. If a female name or Miss Mrs salutation etc is the one used, you will obviously know to use “she” and “her” and you don’t need to imply someone was born a man.

RedToothBrush · 14/05/2025 08:15

matresense · 14/05/2025 07:56

Why don’t people ask “how do you like to be addressed”? Then someone who wants something more formal can say “Mrs X” and someone who loves gender identity stuff will say “Mx X and my pronouns are….” - they will, because they love telling people that. If a female name or Miss Mrs salutation etc is the one used, you will obviously know to use “she” and “her” and you don’t need to imply someone was born a man.

Well that was what they used to do but that doesn't tick enough boxes for EDI.

The fact that gender nonsense is homophobic seems to have escaped far too many people. It needs a loud hailer.

Blueredyellowgreen · 14/05/2025 08:18

Goditsmemargaret · 12/05/2025 17:23

What? I don't understand what the fuck is going on anymore. Why did he ask her that?

Awful isn't it. The captured public services following the trans and non binary or 150 (or is it more) self identification gender bollocks shoving their narrative.

Ridiculous nonsense. She's intelligent enough to call it for what it is.

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