Next door neighbour asking daily for my parking space

[Chocolatecoffeecream]

NDN has a child with disability, so do I. Our road is near a school and always busy. A few weeks ago she called me to say her dd was unwell and she couldn’t park near the house would I mind moving my car so she could have the space outside my house, I said yes of course and moved my car to the next road as there were not any nearer spaces but it wasn’t an issue for what I thought was a one off emergency.

Since then she is asking all the time , daily, if she can’t get a space and sees my car nearer the houses she calls and calls or parks elsewhere then knocks to say can I move as she needs the space as her dd is disabled. When I say no sorry I need the space she is getting really irritated. I said she should perhaps contact the council to see if they can add a disabled parking space ?
She knocked at 11pm one night last week to ask me to move as it would make it easier im the morning for her, I lied and said I’d had too much wine and she said ‘well give me the keys I’ll get dp to move yours ‘!

AIBU to put a note through her door to request that she stops doing this as it’s getting to the point where I feel harassed ?

Just tell her your child also has a disability so no sorry you can’t move your car any more.

as to the disabled space you do know that it’s won’t be just hers, anyone with a blue badge can park in it

You did the right thing helping her at first - most people wouldn’t have responded the way she has by taking advantage. Now she has you just need to make it clear you won’t be helping because she’s been so unreasonable.

Dear neighbour,
Please stop asking to use my car park. I understand how difficult life is with a disabled child. You are going to have to go through the right channels to organise a space of your own.
x

This. Hard as it will be, you need to be firm.
And if she knocks at 11pm again (or any time after about 8.30 in fact) I'd give her VERY short shrift.

You can request a disabled space outside your house. If the disability is severe enough it will be numbered to the corresponding badge. If not it can be used by any blue badge holder. I have just done this prior to the holiday season when we get cars parked for two weeks!

Just say no, politely but firmly, followed by "and please don't ask again". Don't engage, explain or apologise any more. If you feel you must do something, print out the details from the council explaining how to apply for a space, and give her that.

It's clear from you post that this is making you very anxious.. especially after the 11 pm calls, and the thought that she could pop up at any moment when you set foot outside.
It's also daunting to think of having to say No to such a persistent person, because I'm sure she's the type that simply doesn't take no for an answer, however firmly you word your opening sentence.
As a pp suggested, write a script. Pare it down, shave off any "because" or other excuses..or polite apologies. and make the instruction as clear as possible. Being clear and simple as possible is not rude, its effective communication.

Pick a time that suits and say your piece... I promise you that it will probably be MUCH easier than you anticipate and you will feel like a mill stone has been lifted from your neck. I had to do similar. They expected me to check my emails at 11.30 pm at night and always started them with a "Quite by chance I need you to do xyz tomorrow morning, See you at 8 am." it was the same thing. I agreed to helping in emergency and then every time from then on they pretended it was an emergency for guilt tripping purposes- which is why they would email at the last minute, quite by chance.

You clearly want to be a helpful person, but your NDN is taking advantage to the point that you feel harassed and can't park near your own front door without her popping out. This is too much. Saying no to her doesn't make you a bad person.
What's the worst that can happen?

1. She takes offence and won't talk to you? - Problem solved or 2) She tells other neighbours that you are unkind and unreasonable not to give up your parking space whenever she needs it - Then she will start asking them instead and they will completely understand why you said no. (and anyway SO WHAT? if she says anything)

If It helps.. I'd look up the Council parking space department's contact details.. Print it out and have it handy to recommend again that she needs to apply to solve her problem. This could also put her off finding solutions to any excuses you may have given her and it is actually the most helpful thing to do.
You have nothing to lose- and peace of mind to gain. Good luck!!

She needs to place with allocated disabled parking or a private drive wau

Be straight with her. It's your parking space, you chose a house with a convenient space because you wanted to make things easier for yourself. You should not have to give up YOUR space. It's up to her to sort things out for herself.

Knocking at 11pm?
I would be very firm in my NO.

No is a complete sentence.

I’d not have been best pleased to have Simeon knocking at my door at 11pm to move my car. I think I might have just told her to fuck right off

Haha, she’s a chancer!

Should show this thread to the people on MN who act like every parent of any child with any degree of disability is a saint who only does their best. Chancers in every walk of life, and this woman is indeed, a chancer.

Shut her down or you’ll never get rid.

Put your big girl pants on and tell her you won't be moving your car for her again. It's up to her to speak to the council about a disabled space if she wants one.

Yes a note is a good call.

Hi NDN, I moved my car once during an emergency which I was happy to do. Since then you've been repeatedly asking and it is making me uncomfortable having to repeatedly say no. Please stop asking. My child also has additional needs and I need the spot. I've already advised you to contact the council.

Is the space outside your house a marked "Disabled" bay? Do either of you have a Blue Badge for your child?

To be honest, I'd be wondering now whether the original 'emergency' was actually genuinely so - or if it was just her testing the CF water.

you need to do this face to face and use both the broken record technique and the "no is a complete sentance " technique.

next time she knocks " Sorry NDN, but no I will not be moving my car today or at any point in the future" and if she carries on "...well yes I understand that but no I will not be moving my car today or at any point in the future" "...i understand you are upset/annoyed but no I will not be moving my car today or at any point in the future"

this is her problem not yours. and you need to be firm and look her in the eye whilst repeating the broken record technique mantra. works every time. you just have to stick to it.

I wouldn’t do the note.
I’d summon up all my courage and say:

You need to stop. You need to go to the council and get a space of your own. My daughter is disabled and I need my spot.
I’ll see you later.

And that’s all you need to say. Then carry on.
Goid luck and I hope that whatever you decide to do puts a stop to her incessant badgering.

I think the answer is dependant on whether is really is your designated spot or whether you just happen to get there first. But I never understand the note thing. She needs looking in the eye and telling firmly.Other posters have given really good suggestions but you need to say it, not hide behind a note.

I presume its street parking. Which is a free for all. She sounds nuts.

she said ‘well give me the keys I’ll get dp to move yours ‘!

You have to check your insurance if someone moves your car, because you might not be fully comprehensively insured. If the car is stolen after the neighbour parks it, you might not get the value of the car back. Often the insurance policy will say anyone not on the policy is only insured for third party and nothing else. This is why I insist on garages and valet parking have their own insurance.

You mention the neighbour has a DP. Does the DP have their own car too?

I second the suggestions by PPs that she should at the very least ask each neighbour in turn - not just you!

Just don't answer her calls anymore she's really taking the pi$$

Even with a "disabled space" outside your home, it isn't yours. Any blue badge holder can use it, first come first served. And in all honesty CF's generally ignore them anyway, and it can be impossible to get them enforced.

I'd maybe offer to help her with the council process - you've obviously organised it for yourself, and she clearly doesn't seem able to. I think I'd say directly "I really need the space for my disabled child, I totally understand you need a space so why don't we sit down together and help you speak to the council, because fork this point onwards you really can't just borrow my space, I really need it, which is why I applied for it in the first place"