Next door neighbour asking daily for my parking space

[Chocolatecoffeecream]

NDN has a child with disability, so do I. Our road is near a school and always busy. A few weeks ago she called me to say her dd was unwell and she couldn’t park near the house would I mind moving my car so she could have the space outside my house, I said yes of course and moved my car to the next road as there were not any nearer spaces but it wasn’t an issue for what I thought was a one off emergency.

Since then she is asking all the time , daily, if she can’t get a space and sees my car nearer the houses she calls and calls or parks elsewhere then knocks to say can I move as she needs the space as her dd is disabled. When I say no sorry I need the space she is getting really irritated. I said she should perhaps contact the council to see if they can add a disabled parking space ?
She knocked at 11pm one night last week to ask me to move as it would make it easier im the morning for her, I lied and said I’d had too much wine and she said ‘well give me the keys I’ll get dp to move yours ‘!

AIBU to put a note through her door to request that she stops doing this as it’s getting to the point where I feel harassed ?

you didn't miss it, the other poster made it up!
OP says 'if she sees my car nearer the houses' which implies OP's car isn't always in the same place (i.e. not in a designated parking place right outside) - she just sometimes (including the 1st time CF asked) manages to get one closer than the neighbour.

OP you're fine to just tell her not to ask anymore but it would be better to do it face to face if possible - a note can come off unnecessarily passive aggressive. Just say as others have suggested 'Please stop asking, I did it once as a favour, but it's not practical for me to move my car so you can be closer. I also have a disabled child so I appreciate how hard it can be, but I would never ask you to move your car. If you need a designated space apply to the council.'

This.

She’s a CF, knocking at 11 would make me furious!

She's a bully and you are too soft op. You should respond with a flat "no" every time.
Do not apologize or try to justify yourself, doing so opens the door for her to push you into doing what works for her.

Yabu to post a note but you should definitely tell her to stop asking.

Definitely put a polite note through her door and state please stop knocking my door to move my car I won’t be moving it again for you

Don’t write a note. That shows weakness. Tell her to her face.

Diane, I moved my car because it was an emergency when your daughter was ill.

Now you are asking me all the time and it’s simply not on! I need to park as near to my home as possible, do not ask me again to move my car.

Time to toughen up op!! If the space is definitely yours only, you need to say no and for her to stop asking, tell her your child is disabled too and you’ve recently had to carry him from the car, and that u need that space it’s legally yours. Tell her she must contact the council. Be firm and it’s a no every time

I would make it clear that the only conversation about this you are prepared to have is to check any application for a disabled parking space before it is sent.

This is going to come down to how comfortable you are with being direct and managing conflict.

The best way is to tell her directly that while you were happy to accommodate her for what you believed was an emergency, it causes you considerable inconvenience and therefore can’t continue for what is not an emergency situation but an ongoing matter of convenience for her. While you appreciate the difficulties she has with a disabled child, the solution for making her life easier should not involve making yours harder. The better solution would be a designated disabled parking bay outside her house and you wish her the best in contacting the council to arrange that.

Far better to do that in person as it shows a firmness that discourages protest, although you have to be prepared not to get drawn into discussion if she tries to argue the case. If she does you have to say phrases like “and I really sympathise but you need to find your own solution to this instead of me having to move my car all the time. That’s unreasonable and won’t help you in the long run. A parking bay would be much better for you and doesn’t inconvenience me either.”

If you can’t handle a direct conversation, a note is better than nothing/hiding every time she comes
round, but care needs to be taken about what you say - less is more - and notes can easily escalate bad feeling among neighbours as it just feels very passive aggressive.

I think the OP is just parking on the road outside her own house, and doesn't have any legal entitlement to it - but neither does the neighbour!

I think I'd just say next time she knocks that you were happy to help when you thought it was a one-off emergency but you prefer to park as close to your own house as possible, just like she does - so she should speak to the council about a disabled bay.

Is there a disabled ( as it marked with the blue badge logo ) outside your house ?
Or just the spot you park your car on ?
I'm a blue badge holder and as long as a permit is displayed , anyone with a blue badge can park there .
Also no-one actually owns the space outside your house including you , but I 100% agree with you she is a cf expecting you to move your car . Stop being so accommodating and just say not convenient .

You did a kind deed, and now she's using you and your car as a place marking service for her car! What a loon.

I don't think it matters if you write a note, send a text, or tell her to her face. Just tell the woman somehow, soon.

People always want others to go-the-courageous-route and tell them to their face in these awful situations - but if you found that sort of thing easy, you would have probably told her to shove her parking 'problem' a few demands ago.

When she calls - press the red button. When she texts - ignore it. If she knocks the door, pick up your phone pretend to be on a call. She’ll say ‘Can you move your car? Whisper ‘On the phone to hospital, sorry, bye’. Shut the door. Keep ignoring her. If she corners you say ‘Oh Sally, I wanted to help that first day as I knew Emily was unwell, but you have to stop asking me to move the car, it’s daily. I’m not doing that.’

Yanbu to tell her to stop asking but I wouldn't do it with a note.

Practice saying it out loud : the first time you asked I thought it was an emergency, but now you are asking every day it has become harassment. Please do not ask me again. All car parking spaces on the road are first-come-first-served, and I will not move for you again

It's difficult if you don't like confrontation but you need to tell her "no, sorry, I can't keep moving the car". If she persists then it's "sorry, I don't want to keep discussing this, I won't keep moving the car".

Knocking on someones door at §11pm at night is totally unacceptable unless its a true emergency. What was she thinking?

This gives you and in to write a note

Dear PITA

I appreciate life can be difficult with a child who has disabilities, I have my own struggles.
After the other night calling on the house at 11pm I am going to have to put a stop to this car shuffling. If it was a one off in an emergency I would do it but you are constantly requesting I move my car. I will not be moving my car again. I have suggested you call the council and get a disability box put in for you to use.
Hopefully you can get something sorted to make your life easier.

I agree with what everyone has said. I would also add that you should stop making excuses...as you have experienced, she'll just wiggle her way around them. Just be honest with her and say that your family needs for a parking space close to your house, too, and that you won't be moving your car to accommodate her. First come, first served, unfortunately.

@Chocolatecoffeecream YANBU OP and I don't see any problem with you writing a note either as it will give you time to craft it assertively and politely. In fact, I would have written such a note after she knocked on my door at 11pm - that is so ill-mannered! You could reiterate your suggestion that she ask the LA for a dedicated disabled parking space in it.

Why is she asking you rather than the other neighbours? Say a firm no. The message above is a good one. Or just block her number. She will soon get the message.

I wouldn't bother with the note, just tell her straight.

"Sorry, you might have got the wrong idea when I did you a favour a few weeks ago. I was just trying to be neighbourly. I'm entitled to use that space and unfortunately, as there's only one disabled space, it's first come first serve. I didn't mind being flexible as a one off emergency but I'm not willing to do it regularly."

The OP has implied that she does NOT have an official disabled spot outside her house. Just parking on the public road like everyone else. Not said in so many words, but from what she HAS said, it appears to be public road parking only.

It isn't a disabled space. It's just on-road parking outside people's houses and OP has been lucky enough to often get the space outside her own house whereas her NDN hasn't and thinks OP should keep moving her car for her needs, putting OP in the position of having to remind her NDN that the on-road parking is "first come, first served".

road parking is first come first served. If that doesn’t work for her then she either needs to apply for a disability bay (as advised by many on this thread), the whole street applies for permit parking - or she puts up with it. Or if none of that is feasible for her then perhaps she needs to look to move. Her parking isn’t your responsibility OP (although understand why you moved in the emergency situation!).

Quite. It's because OP was considerate enough to move in an emergency so her NDN now thinks she's a soft touch and/or can be manipulated into agreeing to her NDN's demands.

As we say on here
If you were a man would she be so persistent in asking?