Is it normal for a masseur to offer "extras"?

[OrangeChips1]

My DH has a job which takes it's toll on his back so he gets occasional massages to try and straighten the knots out. I do give it a go but I can't get deep enough.

More often than not, it gets to the end of the massage and he's offered "extras" which really freaks him out. These are legit places in spas or gyms or on the high street with staff wearing uniforms etc.
We've noticed that when I've booked them on his behalf (as a gift or whatever) this doesn't happen.

Is it just the done thing and we're both naive about this? I never get offered any extras so I was always of the belief that a massage was a massage unless you go to a certain type of place 🤷🙈

YABU = you're naive
YANBU = that sounds like unusually bad luck

It happened my dad once. He hurt his shoulder playing golf. Found a massage place in the Golden Pages (yes, it was a few years ago) and was horrified to be offered extras at the end. He didn't think things like that happened in small country towns in Ireland!

I know a female massage therapist who won't take male clients due to pressure from them for more, which isn't part of her services.

I have only gone to very professional massage therapists myself and never had an issue.

I've had a lot of massages and there was only one person who offered me something I consider crossing a line, but I'm not sure if that's part of the regular service or if it was dodgy. Writing that, I do think it was dodgy actually, and she came right out and asked me. I emphatically said no!

This , exactly and it’s been the same for many years .

He's got quite an imagination to imagine them reeling off a price list !

OP this isn't a thing and if your husband says he's being offered 'extras' then either he's bullshitting, or he's frequenting brothels.

Why would he tell his wife? If he was doing anything to encourage this or take up on the offer of extras I’m certain he wouldn’t come home to tell his wife they keep offering him extras

Yes - if you’d have a Nuffield Gym, they will do them but the local leisure centre seems to have a sports physio too?

If he is getting recurrent back issues, he really could do with seeing a physio as they can prescribe/teach strengthening and posture exercises. They may suggest OT assessment at his desk at his company, too, to be sure his set up is ergonomically correct for him - they look at design of his chair, desk height, position of the screen vis a vis his seated position and its impact on his neck/back posture. Most medium to large companies offer this free of charge to all employees.

Have you actually witnessed this or are you just going by what your husband tells you? He sounds like a fantasist to be honest, unless he's going to some very dodgy places. My DH has sports massages at various places in our town and has never once be offered this. A reputable massage therapist would not do it and there are plenty of professional places to go to.

Is he attractive or outwardly wealthy? Could be the man or woman trying their luck

Or he could be telling you he was horrified and turned them down so he shoots up in your estimation. He may not have turned them down, or it may be a complete fabrication to win some ‘loyal OH points’

I'm another one who doesn't believe this is real. Why not tell him you've done some research and this shouldn't be happening, so you're going to make complaints on his behalf to the various places this has 'happened'. See if he says yes dear, great idea, or if he panics 😂

Because he thinks it’s funny. Because he likes your reaction and it gives him an ego boost. To hide the fact he’s actually up to something dodgy so when he gets caught he can bring up that he told you about this.

I’m not saying these places don’t exist (they definitely do, I almost booked myself into the local Thai massage place before I read the google reviews!) but not at every reputable spa gym! They would take that extremely seriously because if caught, they would be found guilty of running a brothel which is illegal. Do you know how much it costs to set up a spa? Why would the risk being shut down over the bit of extra money they’d gain from offering a happy ending? It doesn’t make sense.

If he’s being genuinely serious and not making it up or over reading things I would be ringing up and complaining every single time. And watching his reaction when I do. I think it’s very telling “this doesn’t happen” when you are in the next room.

Exactly.

So they are actually saying what the extras are and he’s not interpreting it wrong because of the word extras?

Yeah, I get that. But I trained as a massage therapist and the two 'professions' are not really connected. He must be choosing to use the prossie ones? There's plenty of legit ones around!

Actually seeing a physio is a good idea.

Are you sure he's not trying to make you think he's all that and keep you on your toes?

Maybe he's getting off on making up fantasies and telling his wife about them?

Honestly I think we both thought it was normal but unspoken about. He hasn't had one for years. I'll mention this for the latest one he had

I think so! But I'll double check.

And preparing the ground for "oops, I finally couldn't resist all these people pressuring me into having extras."

I have a sports massage every month with a fantastic 30 year old sportsperson who is fully qualified and really knows his stuff. He fastens up my bra every week too. That said, he has never ever and never ever would suggest anything like this. It's a professional appointment, not a knocking shop. Your OH is being weird.

That's my take on it too. This just doesn't happen unless he's constantly frequenting a certain type of massage parlour.

This isn’t normal. Sounds like these women are either trying to exploit men to get some extra tax free cash or your husband is particularly attractive and they are chancing their luck.

He or you should be reporting to the owner, manager or the police.

So Google reviews would make it explicit? I just assumed they wouldn't because wouldn't the place be shut down in an instant if that was the case? Even if it was by angry locals who didn't want that happening on their high street?