Is it normal for a masseur to offer "extras"?

[OrangeChips1]

My DH has a job which takes it's toll on his back so he gets occasional massages to try and straighten the knots out. I do give it a go but I can't get deep enough.

More often than not, it gets to the end of the massage and he's offered "extras" which really freaks him out. These are legit places in spas or gyms or on the high street with staff wearing uniforms etc.
We've noticed that when I've booked them on his behalf (as a gift or whatever) this doesn't happen.

Is it just the done thing and we're both naive about this? I never get offered any extras so I was always of the belief that a massage was a massage unless you go to a certain type of place 🤷🙈

YABU = you're naive
YANBU = that sounds like unusually bad luck

I just thought noone would want to out themselves in a public review

Some weird ego boost? Or he's misunderstood a form question about being finished at the end of the massage as being invited to "finish". I have no idea, but there's no way all these therapists are offering him a happy ending.

This is how many, many sex workers operate in the UK. They run a “massage parlour” and offer extras at the end. So sex workers working as masseuses is nothing new. It’s just the fact that OP thought her husband was using reputable ones rather than the ones that are a front for a sex workers.

We had a massage together in India once, as in one after another. Nothing dodgy happened (I guess I was right there in the next room!) but she had an autobiography which I read, and in it she said so many people asked for extras that in the end she started to say yes because it was easy extra money. So I think I've just assumed it's "normal" but unspoken.

😂😂😂😂😂

I've not read the full thread - however, my DH has regular massages, all over London and then when we travel, business or pleasure. The only place he's been offered a 'hand' was on a stag in Thailand and he was 20. He's almost 50 now.
Outside of that, he's never been 'offered extras. Those men that are offered more, usually make it clear they're looking for more.

I too have regular massages, from male and female professionals. Its bever been a thing bar one time last year when a male masseuse commented that I didn't look like I'd had children. I stopped the massage instantly and then made a complaint.

Your husband is setting you up for an 'accident' - I didn't ask for it sweetheart, you know what keeps happening when I go to these places.......

Sorry, your husband either a joker or needs a hearing test.

Not in my experience. The issue is with men being creepy. For example I go to a Thai massage place and there are signs up in reception and every room saying that they are professional masseuses and to not demand sexual favours. Also a masseuse who comes into work says she is purely trying to do massage but she has to take all these precautions (e.g her wife will wait for her outside in the car if she visits new clients) in case they are creeps which they often are and it ruins her job a bit.

What do they actually say to him?

I have never heard of this happening in more legitimate massage places but then there was a legitimate place near me where the reviews make clear if you are willing to pay some of the masseuses are happy to offer a Happy Ending.

But then other places I have been to expressly have signs telling creepy men that sexual services are NOT on offer.

If he is, he's playing a very very long game where he could just say "yes please" hand over the £20 or whatever and get on with life.
As it happens, he says no, gets out of there, complains about it, doesn't have another massage for months/years and tries stretching etc instead, etc

Sometimes it's more suggestive, eg they'll "accidentally" brush up against him etc, other times they reel out a price list!!!

Then he needs to go to a sports therapy/physio clinic and have a proper treatment. They have those on most high streets too. Usually attached to a chiropractor’s or most gyms have sports physios too now.

Complains about it to who?

Yeah i was really shocked.

I think maybe a lot of men "expect it" so some women (who need money) get pressured into it and then over time it becomes normalised ?

Sad and seedy 😩

Oh it's surprising that there are open signs up!

I’ve no doubt there are dodgy places - usually called massage parlours - where happy endings are available, they are just not in gyms. My late DM, many years ago, fancied a massage and looked up the number of a place she’d driven past on her way home from work. The woman who answered the phone said “I only do gentlemen”.

I used to work in this industry and it is definitely not a thing. Do you really think this could go on in gyms and spas and word not get out?
The high street places I worked at wouldn’t even allow unknown men to book in for massages to protect the staff from this kind of thing.

Okay we'll try this, like a physiotherapy massage?

There used to be a Thai masseuse locally run abd and all above board by a British man and his Thai wife. The husband had to place his reception area in the window so he was visible and ward iff creeps. He said that men phoned and called in asking for dodgy server. I had massages there and in many other places and never was anything untoward going on.

Yeh this is what happened to the masseuse in India. I guess it gets to the point where it's normalised

The 'brushing up' sounds like your dh's imagination... my ex used to do that... oh the hairdresser fancies me she brushed against me with her boob!

Oh that's interesting. This High street place just let him walk in on his way past. I just thought if the recipients we're enjoying it they wouldn't report it or let it get out or whatever as it's not in their best interests to
a) make it totally open what goes on or
b) get the place shut down

It ALL sounds like her DH's imagination.

Your dh is a fantasist. He drifts off half asleep during the massage and is fantasising.

It could be. Maybe he was offered extras once or twice and now any "brushing up" he's hyper sensitive to