Is it normal for a masseur to offer "extras"?

[OrangeChips1]

My DH has a job which takes it's toll on his back so he gets occasional massages to try and straighten the knots out. I do give it a go but I can't get deep enough.

More often than not, it gets to the end of the massage and he's offered "extras" which really freaks him out. These are legit places in spas or gyms or on the high street with staff wearing uniforms etc.
We've noticed that when I've booked them on his behalf (as a gift or whatever) this doesn't happen.

Is it just the done thing and we're both naive about this? I never get offered any extras so I was always of the belief that a massage was a massage unless you go to a certain type of place 🤷🙈

YABU = you're naive
YANBU = that sounds like unusually bad luck

Unless they are saying would you like a hand job for £20 extra, I would ask him to just ask what are the extras. They could be totally innocent such as an extra 10 mins on left shoulder, 5 mins on calf etc

Why is he still going in high street places ad hoc if being offered extras is very distressing for him?

It doesn't ring true that a man who is so upset by the possibility of being offered a happy ending would take that risk. He'd be looking into qualified massage therapists, finding one he can trust and sticking with them. You just wouldn't put yourself in that position with an unknown.

This is the thing they could be totally innocent, by extras they could mean would you like extra 5 mins on your right shoulder etc. Unless they are specifically saying £20 for a handy then I think he needs to ask what extras are and not assume

The thing is, this is a forum with a bunch of women saying, no, absolutely not, this does not happen! Do we actually know this does not happen?

I can’t ask dh because he would rather go get a tooth extracted than get a massage. But I did have a male friend tell me once he got offered a hand job at the end of a massage. I cannot vouch for the sort of establishment it was. And my female friend got offered extras at the end of a massage with a male massage therapist once - freaked her right out!

I used to see a massage therapist monthly for chronic pain issues. She was a proper one, working out of a physiotherapist/wellness centre sort of office. She was also about 50 and quite a masc lesbian. Not exactly the sort you’d expect most men to go to for sexual favours. 😂 She had to put it in her terms and conditions that she did not offer any sexual services and said she had to verbally confirm it with any new male clients. This was like 20 years ago. I don’t think it’s beyond the realm of possibility that this happens more than women think it does.

There’s a massage parlour near where I live in Buckinghamshire which blatantly advertises on the website 😅 perfectly reputable sports massage/gym type thing, but disguises all the naughty things under fancy massages

He wouldn't necessarily be lying OP, but as you have posted on a forum in which there's also bitter, men hating women it's an answer that you should have expected to receive in answer to your question.

Also does your partner know they are offering “extras” or is he assuming that?

Yikes - the misogyny.

So he's going to dodgy massage parlours then.

Yep

Absolutely this. The op just seems ridiculously naive - is her partner 14 that being propositioned would cause him “distress”. And it’s not like there’s a shortage of legitimate places to go. My immediate response to this is that often, with gyms, physios etc you can choose the sex of the therapist/physio.

Fair enough if this had happened a couple of times but literally EVERY massage? What’s the odds on that??

Either he’s a fantasist or, as others have suggested, or it’s designed to have her believing that he can get sex elsewhere, very easily.

Either way, this is creepy.

The male masseurs have offered to do extras?

Echoing what others have said - these are shifty places.

I've only ever had a happy ending at a place in Thailand because of a slight misunderstanding!

No not normal - he is getting massages from sex workers.

You can usually tell the difference between a beauty salon and a brothel. If it is massage only I would read that as a brothel. Beaut icians offer a range of services.

Beauty salons do nails waxing spray tanning etc also.

Well I suppose so, but not knowingly! There is nothing in the Google reviews or on the website to suggest that

Nobody who works in a legitimate massage establishment would say "extras" meaning things like that because the term is universally understood to mean sexual favours. It's impossible that anyone working in such an environment wouldn't know that.

That said I have to feel he's making this up, for some unfathomable reason. It's usually pretty easy to tell the difference between legitimate and non legitmate "massage parlours" - it's in everyone's interest that nobody gets confused.

I think it goes on more than people realise, I was shocked to find out ( through my previous job) that 2 seemingly upmarket massage establishments in a naice area offered extras.

Thanks, this is the kind of unspoken thing I wouldn't have known. I'd have thought a massage place would be better at massages as specialised rather than read further into it. 🙈

Did you mean to say "only been offered a happy ending."...because I can't see how you could have gone through with one "due to a misunderstanding".

See I think we'd miss the "blatant" ness between us 🙈

Is DH trying to wind you up?! Did he elaborate on what the ‘extras’ actually were? Swiss reflex therapy or a handjob?

I find it hard to believe that he’s going to appropriately and fully trained therapists in multiple salons and been asked this repeatedly 🧐.

Now a massage parlour on the other hand can be quite different!

Apologies for edits

Yeh this is what I'm thinking. I need an anonymous forum full of men 🤣

It could be a dodgy place but one that looks more decent. The one near me that reviews suggested offers extras…looks officially but not fully. Hard to explain but if you saw it you would know what I mean.

It’s likely he is either misinterpreting what is being said, or going to dodgy venues. It’s unlikely that every masseuse he sees is offering extras.

It was a YOLO situation, late at night in a nice hotel, I was asked if I wanted "everything", I'd had a few cocktails that evening... obviously a name change because I am a happily married middle-aged woman now.