Is it normal for a masseur to offer "extras"?

[OrangeChips1]

My DH has a job which takes it's toll on his back so he gets occasional massages to try and straighten the knots out. I do give it a go but I can't get deep enough.

More often than not, it gets to the end of the massage and he's offered "extras" which really freaks him out. These are legit places in spas or gyms or on the high street with staff wearing uniforms etc.
We've noticed that when I've booked them on his behalf (as a gift or whatever) this doesn't happen.

Is it just the done thing and we're both naive about this? I never get offered any extras so I was always of the belief that a massage was a massage unless you go to a certain type of place 🤷🙈

YABU = you're naive
YANBU = that sounds like unusually bad luck

What age is your husband? he's a grown man, he knows how to book a professional massage, Just book a massage with male pysio in your area, one who advertisees a sports massage and keep going to same one, job done.

He does do stretches and they really help. But sometimes life gets in the way etc.

I wonder if this happens a lot more than we suspect. In certain locations or circumstances, men get propositioned. Same as women getting kerb-crawled or verbally assaulted.

But he's had a bad experience with that too. I think that's the thing, he needs to find one that he finds good and doesn't cross lines, and then stick with it. Or I said to him, just say no thanks and they won't offer it again, but he feels really awkward about these things

You don’t register a practise as such, it’s about individual membership of the therapists working there.someone might pay for a “ friend of” or similar to allow them to display a logo but anyone wishing to check out an individual’s credentials should search the relevant register.

Yeh I think it does.

My mind boggles as to how you know this, Divebar2021 😯

I mean, I got an Indian head massage as an extra to my back massage 🤷‍♀️

I find it mind boggling that women are using the fact that they haven't been propositioned as proof that men aren't.

I thought it was common knowledge most high street "massage parlours" offer far more than that

I can't believe some people think the OP/OP'S husband is lying because they never get these proposals. It might be because a likely client is often a male. Just saying.

I love how all the "men always lie" posters on here think OPs husband is the one lying. Maybe all their husbands are lying 🤔 because if you accepted the hand job you definitely wouldn't mention it, but you also wouldn't if you were offered and declined?? I think OPs husband is the overthinking, painfully honest one here. If you were actually saying yes to the happy ending you would not tell your wife this story?

God I want a massage now

She said more often than not, not every single
It would be very easy for them to put a marker in their record if an appointment is booked by a woman for a man and decide that this man may not be a good option for offering extras.
Some people do not know the difference between massage and sports physio/massage. Getting physio round here on the NHS would be like finding the good that laid the golden egg.

I know this is MN and therefore all men are inherently awful, but genuinely some men are as naive as some women. And are open and honest with their spouses. I don't know this man, so I have no reason to doubt him telling OP for any reason other than he is being made uncomfortable by these offers happening.

Yes. Thank you for writing something actually sane 😅
He does overthink, a lot!

Thank you! I couldn't quite put this into words 😅

He should go to a properly qualified sports massage therapist, or a physiotherapist, or a massage practitioner at a health centre, not a massage place on the high street!

Look for places where massage therapists are working alongside other physical therapies eg physiotherapists or a natural health centre.

Indeed @AthWat People go to dodgy places and are surprised to find dodgy things happen in them shocker! For what it’s worth the OP’s original post has been popped into my file labelled Things that didn’t happen’. I should imagine they are getting quite titillated by the replies on this thread.

That's why I asked where does he go for extras. I want to feel special to 😭

Is he a bit of a story teller in life generally? For example, have you observed him in company with other people telling stories that are embellished or untrue? If so, that might be what’s happening here.

I used to be in a relationship with a guy like this. He loved to tell a story and never let the truth get in the way of a good story!
People do this for all sorts of reasons, an ego boost, a bit of attention

If he wants a deep massage book him a male sports masseuse.

Also, your DH needs to report the soliciting every single time to the manager & the registration body of the masseur/euse

At a base level yes cynically I do think most men would not be disgusted or offended. Shocked maybe & even disgusted (as what would it make them if they accepted) but I think secretly flattered by /excited by it. Her DP’s protestations smack of the men who claim to their partners they hate porn, think it demeans women & have views about “decency”. Then privately are indulging themselves. It’s an effective method of keeping the partner believing her DP couldn’t possibly do that, that it’s at odds with his morals. Seems similar here. Either way it’s pretty weird that every innocuous massage they receive is sexualised for him in some way - it’s not on OP’s mind but every one is for him. Oh yes because he’s being offered it. Of course.

Yup, and no one’s mind will be on his penis in this scenario. A proper sports massage for a bad back is not exactly terribly pleasant. It’s very different to getting a nice relaxing massage from a pretty lady off the high street 😅

Yes i have had a couple of boyfriends/talked to male friends who liked massages (JUST massages, afaik) and said they were offered a happy ending, then declined. Maybe one or two of them are lying, but statistically, they can't ALL have been.

I also have had about a millions massages over the years (yay shitty chronic pain condition) and have often talked to legit female masseuses who say men have asked if they do it.

So I think it's absolutely rife in the industry, both offering when it's not expected and asking when it's not appropriate...

OP. You need this massage machine ‘ Dr Graeme Professional strength General Purpose Massage machine.’ You can get them from chiropractors or online ; my chiropractor uses the full strength one ( only in clinic) but the amateur one is fantastic, we use it whenever we have been gardening or in my case, washing the floor. Five minutes seems to take out any knots.

They don’t do extra services, though ( too tingly 😏)

I don’t understand why your husband, as it obviously upsets him, doesn’t say when booking ‘I had a bad experience in another massage place and I just want to check that I won’t be offered any ‘extras’ as part of the massage?’