Is it normal for a masseur to offer "extras"?

[OrangeChips1]

My DH has a job which takes it's toll on his back so he gets occasional massages to try and straighten the knots out. I do give it a go but I can't get deep enough.

More often than not, it gets to the end of the massage and he's offered "extras" which really freaks him out. These are legit places in spas or gyms or on the high street with staff wearing uniforms etc.
We've noticed that when I've booked them on his behalf (as a gift or whatever) this doesn't happen.

Is it just the done thing and we're both naive about this? I never get offered any extras so I was always of the belief that a massage was a massage unless you go to a certain type of place 🤷🙈

YABU = you're naive
YANBU = that sounds like unusually bad luck

Agree. I suspect that most of the places that offer 'extras' are not advertising upfront, probably even have a sign up saying 'no extras' and then make very different offers once the door is closed. They are also less likely to offer 'extras' to women (you only have to read a few relationships threads to know a casual fiddle off a stranger isn't going to work for many women), so it doesn't surprise me in the least bit that a female dominated forum don't think this happens.

And the type of beauty salons where women are going for their hot stone massages, facials etc from beauty therapists are not the same type of place at all.

I doubt a proper spa is offering it to random customers, maybe regulars. If this is only happening when he is going to massage parlours it’s the ones he’s going to 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d imagine any shop on a high street that says it a massage parlour is a knocking shop.

You and DH need to check out credentials better.
Use physios and Myotherapists who are recommended by your medical practice or doctor or who work in the hospital out patients. Ask about their training and qualifications.
Choosing a male might also lesson the unwanted eliciting ..

@AthWat @OrangeChips1 https://stopthetraffik.org/announcing-new-massage-parlour-specific-spotthesigns-resource/

Duplicate post hence deleted

I believe you/your DH!! Just aim for places that offer physio/sports massages. They are GREAT for doing really deep tissue/big knots AND I think the whole Pilates studio/old people doing rehab next door vibe puts off the actual punters 😉

I’d imagine any shop on a high street that says it a massage parlour is a knocking shop.

I wouldn't have known this before! I will would have assumed it would be more well hidden

Thank you!

Since a nasty skiing accident over 15 years ago, I have had physio massages at least monthly
In all that time, just one physio/masseuse has a) been somewhat closer to my privates than before, but as the injury is to my upper inner thigh, not alarmingly so ... but then b) she asked if I wanted a 'special' massage
I demurred, told her boss (who I'd known for years) and the masseuse wasn't working there any more when I booked my next session
I can't believe I was the only one offered, but maybe I was the only one who reported it?

Other then that offer she was an excellent masseuse

So maybe he should report the therapist to their boss?
Or, if otherwise they are a giving a good service, he can decline firmly, and say please do not offer this again

I don’t think anyone is doubting it happens, but what OP is saying is that it happens to her husband in absolutely every single establishment he visits unless the booking is made by her. That sounds like a husband problem. For one, the massage therapist won’t necessarily know who made the booking with a gym receptionist. Only her husband actually knows that key difference, but seems to be the only time he isn’t offered.

Secondly, having been so repeatedly and consistently upset by these unrelenting offers of sexual satisfaction this man does not then get himself an NHS uniform wearing physiotherapist? Not even once..? He still, when the mood for massage takes him, walks into an establishment he spots on the high street.

The man protests too much.

Thanks, very helpful and eye opening

Search for "sports massage" or "physiotherapy massage"
There are reliable, reputable, trustworthy chains all over the country (Scorpio in the South East are one of those with signs that say should customers ask for 'more than a massage' the police will be called)

You think it's unlikely that a man would feel uncomfortable when offered unwanted sexual services by someone he doesn't know? When he just wants a professional massage? I think that's doing men a disservice personally, yes a lot of men are perverts but not all of them are. I genuinely think my partner would be quite shocked and uncomfortable if this happened to him.

Maybe he actually hates having massages and hopes that if he says this you'll stop booking them for him? Although why he wouldn't just say 'I hate having massages' is anyone's guess...

Sorry you are saying that a chartered physiotherapist offered you a hand job! Hahaha…if this was the case you should have reported them to the health professions council. Otherwise please don’t say physio massages unless they were carried out by an actual physio, it’s a legally protected title. If looking for a qualified massage therapist make sure they are a member of one of the following professional organisations ,( all of which you can report inappropriate behaviour to ) Council for Soft Tissue Therapies (GCMT), the National Association of Massage and Manipulative Therapists (NAMMT), and the Federation of Holistic Therapists (FHT). Sports Massage Association (SMA) and the Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council (CNHC). All professional ,qualified massage therapists should have insurance.

I grew up under a rock the things that Mumsnet is teaching me is mind-blowing. I've had a massage and never once was I offered extras. What kind of places is the ops husband going to.

I don’t know why he would lie but if these are professional gyms and therapist rooms, I would bet the farm he IS lying.

I get a massage at least once a month (female). I’ve never been offered any ‘extras’.

I feel so unspecial now. ☹️ 💔 🎻

It sounds like he’s visiting brothels not spas. No, this is not normal.

I have heard a few men say its common. I find it odd that all the women saying 'of course not, my husband told me it never happens!' are assuming their husbands are 100pc truthful here. Most people who use any form of adult / sex workers are men, a high proportion are married, and the vast majority of these will lie to their wives about it. The OPs husband (and some others on the thread) are honest, and people are saying it must be something about them as their husbands wouldn't ever be offered this. Lots of heads being buried in the sand I think!

No idea if she was chartered, or of her personal qualifications and memberships

The practice was certainly registered with the SMA and I think the NAMMT, which is why I reported it to the owner, her boss (who has a MSc in Physiotherapy, and is personally registered with the HCPC)

As I said, I'd been going there for over ten years before this one incident, and never had another situation like it since I reported it

Tell your husband you are going to phone up the establishment and complain and watch his reaction......

Nope, not a thing

IRL and not some fantasy in the mind of your DH he can try the stretch exercises on the NHS website.

Alternatively book a physio and they can put together a plan of stretch exercises.

They will also probably know massage therapists who can help (if needed).

Nah, you're far too sensible. Keep going like that and you could kill a thread. 😁

This is the thing, everyone on MN assumes we all know what registrations a person should have etc but we ...don't. I've been past a place where it very explicitly, in the window, said they offer intimate massages to the "yoni" and the "lingam" and a quick Google showed that they weren't just using intimate as a mistranslation etc. I think I've always thought, if it's that easy, can just be advertised openly in the window, etc, the ones that don't say that in the window don't.