to think brides need to issue rules about what people are allowed to wear?

[SnoozingFox]

No white
Nothing with even a HINT of white/cream
No pale colours which in a certain light might look white
No lace
No red
No black

etc etc etc. Is this the new normal as it certainly wasn't when I got married, none of the weddings I have been to were we ever asked to run outfits past the bride before the event.

Madness.

*without

Yep. This thread is giving major ‘not that important Aunty vibes’ - isn’t it?

I didn't issue any rules (35yrs ago). My MIL was the only person who made a faux pas, as she wore a floaty dress and hat in the palest ivory you could imagine. That summed up the type of person she was though.

I think it’s giving peoples feelings about another person dictating dress colours etc. it’s just not acceptable and it’s very controlling and “bridezilla”, it’s a step too far.

If your aunty is not important to you, don’t invite them? I’ve no nieces and nephews that would ever consider telling me or anyone else what to wear, for the gram. Neice got married last year, fabulous day, no dictating or attire etc.

BTW the “cohort” you’re agreeing with their, is someone on the other thread that has proved she’s really batshit crazy and unpleasant. It shows the type of person she is, rude, demeaning, accusing the OP of telling lies (very bizarre), all in all very odd behaviour. Is it a case of birds of a feather? I certainly wouldn’t want my views to be akin to hers. But maybe you do?

I helped in church at a wedding this weekend where the bridesmaid wore black. It looked very strange, as it seems to be quite a traditional and not colour-coded wedding in all other respects.

Did it look like a wedding dress.
Was it the same as yours.

As long as its not a wedding dress I don't see anything wrong with wearing any colour.

Listen, there’s a massive difference between a hog roast in the middle of a field and a 5 star London hotel. The former usually doesn’t have a dress code and children and adults of all ages are invited, to dress as they please. The latter not so much. As a guest, your choice is to attend or not, that’s how invites work. Your Big Aunty Energy is noted. 🙌

Actually, it’s called an invitation… ;)

As is your defensiveness and trying to justify your poor choice noted….

You and @alwaysamused do seem to have the same personality traits “shudders”.

I”m sure your all blue wedding was just super! I’m sure not one person laughed or eye rolled at all, no aunts, uncles, cousins, friends or anyone…… much!

It only happens on MN because everyone hates a wedding and they love the attention /. fuss of everyone agreeing with them. In real life very few brides make demands.

This is my experience to be honest! Never known anything like it in “real life”.

Every wedding I've been to has had a dress code of some sort.

I've never been to a wedding that had a dress code and I've been to a lot of weddings in the UK and abroad.

I've also broken a number of those 'rules' 🤷🏼‍♀️

Agreed. I'm surprised brides like that have any friends at all.

But a dress code is : smart casual, black tie, business casual, morning dress, cocktail attire. Or specifying a theme like "dress to impress" or "boho chic" or "fancy dress".

None of these themes/codes are specifying exactly what you should wear, as a woman at least. It gives you flexibility and choice about whether you have something suitable in your wardrobe already, or need to buy something new. A very restrictive requirement such as "wear a green dress with a floral pattern" or "shiny gold/silver metallics" is giving no flexibility at all and means a lot of your guests are going to have to go out and buy something for the event, which they probably won't wear again. Just so it looks good in the photos?

Yes it's a wedding but the couple are also HOSTS and should be making sure their guests have a great time at the event they are hosting.

No, it wasn't the same as mine, but it was long and floaty and if I wasn't alongside her, she could easily have been taken for an older person getting married. She did it deliberately as she hated that I was "taking her precious son away from her". I just laughed as everyone, even her own friends, were giving her the side eye and whispering about her.

The only wedding I’ve ever been to which had a dress code was a winter black tie wedding. As it was in a church in December I wore a long black dress, black velvet Nehru collared jacket and gold sparkly scarf for extra warmth. I’ve also worn a black and cream combination on a couple of occasions.

I’ve never heard of red or green not being acceptable - I love red!

Probably best to not wear your own old wedding dress, especially if you were married to the current groom. Otherwise wear what you like.

I must have completely missed all these memos.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of headspace and handwringing which wedding trivia seems to engender in people.

How do people get their lives done with this brain achingly tedious and arbitrary rules to worry about? And who actually cares?

I’ve met some really obnoxious people on MN, but you are really a prize winner of rudeness. The blue theme links to my profession, which many guests understood, if they did object they were too polite to turn down the invite and soldiered through it (at vast expense to us). In London, dress codes at weddings aren’t unique, as I say, you really do need to get out more. Maybe even buy yourself a new dress…

I had 3 people who I didn’t really know that well (all were plus ones of other guests) wear floor length white. 2 floor length white dresses and one jumpsuit.

I thought it was really bizarre but didn’t really bother me that much. This was 10 years ago

I’ve turned down many invitations, based on not wanting to attend, location, dress code, not fancying the crowd etc. A wedding invitation can be declined very easily, as these events are usually prohibitively expensive, whatever the budget and whoever is paying. If the occasion is disagreeable to you, I find a ‘We aren’t able to join you, wishing you a wonderful special day.’ Usually works a treat.

I’m rude?

I think you’ll find that lots of people think you’re rude! But hey I suppose I’m giving the “aunt” vibes again?

Yes, your guests may have been polite, good for them. But please don’t think they weren’t thinking how ridiculous your theme because of your job was. I think that is actually so twee, surely you could’ve just had bridesmaids, grooms men’s ties in that colour?

I live in London, been to lots of weddings and receptions including the Savoy, no such nonsense as the bride choosing the colour of dress I wear.

As I said, had I been invited, I too would’ve politely declined, chucked the invite in the bin. I will not be told by anyone what colour I can wear. It’s a step too far……

Hasn’t anyone ever told you we are each responsible for our own happiness? If your boundaries are being crossed, only you can draw the line. As you should do. If that means turning down an invitation (not a summons), then so be it. I wish you happiness @SnoozingFox .

Maybe even buy yourself a new dress…

Not everyone can afford to buy a new dress. That's the point.

If what colour people are wearing is more important than having them present at your wedding then that's a real shame.