to think brides need to issue rules about what people are allowed to wear?

[SnoozingFox]

No white
Nothing with even a HINT of white/cream
No pale colours which in a certain light might look white
No lace
No red
No black

etc etc etc. Is this the new normal as it certainly wasn't when I got married, none of the weddings I have been to were we ever asked to run outfits past the bride before the event.

Madness.

My mum always said red hat no knickers!

Black?! No. I just associate that with funerals, but if that's what the bride wanted...

Damn! That's my outfit plans ruined.

Just checking my ‘give a fuck o’ meter’…
Nope, not bothered. Wishing you a wonderful (and no doubt tasteless) day.

As long as they don't turn up in a wedding dress I don't think it matters what guests wear, I don't think I paid attention at all to what guests were wearing at my wedding

I thought the general rules were; don't wear white (privilege of the bride) and don't wear black (it's a colour of mourning, save it for funerals).
Other than that, most couples are just inviting you to share a happy day and I'm sure aren't really bothered.

Really? I've never heard that. Mind you, it's a rarity I've seen someone in a red hat.

Tasteless now?

Because wearing “blue” would make me tasteful, dictating to my guests (some of which would felt obliged to come to your wedding, including aunts who didn’t want to upset your mother) what colour they wore, because of my “job” and how the photos look, would make me tasteful 😀.

I wish you a wonderful marriage, hopefully with not many blue days!

I wore a black jacket to my own wedding. 1983, register office. Happily I have never looked at a wedding planning magazine in my life. It was a lovely day.

I agree these rules are absolute nonsense, and weird, very controlling. I wasn't aware of any such rules in the past, you just wore whatever nice outfit you wanted, of any colour!! I have a feeling that this is something else that has crept over from America. As long as you don't turn up in an actual wedfing dress and try to gatecrash the wedding party photos, what does it matter?

It's not just "can't afford to buy a green/silver/red/orange" outfit or whatever. It's so wasteful to expect people to buy something they may only wear once, whatever their budget.

I don't live in the UK and I've yet to hear of a wedding with a dress code. It's pathetic that a bride thinks she is so special that she can dictate what guests wear to the wedding - which after all is supposed to be a time when family and friends come together to celebrate the event, not an Instagrammable moment where everything has to be "perfect".

This ⬆️

Well said. So many people (let's face it, women) have completely lost the idea of what a wedding is supposed to be.

I don't care what others wear to weddings, or funerals, it's just nice to see them attend.

Blimey. I’m now divorced but I can safely say that I don’t remember what anyone wore at my wedding apart from me and my now-exh! It was quite a fancy do and everyone looked amazing but do I remember if someone wore red/white/lace? No I do not.

I’m not sure it’s American or just a social media v reality thing, but you may be right.

100%

I always thought the no white or cream “rule” was fairly universal and I’m always surprised when posters on here say they’ve never heard of it/wouldn’t be bothered by it. However, I’d always assumed it applied to plain/pure white outfits, not anything with a hint of white in the pattern, so am equally surprised when people on here seem horrified at the very hint of white. I once posted a wedding guest dress in Style and Beauty that had a very bold all-over pink and green print on a cream background. One poster was aghast, saying “That dress is white! White!!” Apart from the fact that the background was actually cream, you could barely even see it!

I grew up in the 80s and black would have been a no-no then, but I think that began to die out in the 90s and 00s. You started to see people using black as a base for prints, or a black dress with a coloured wrap or jacket. I don’t think the majority of people would take issue with black now.

I’ve heard of green being bad luck, but only if the bride wears it, not a guest. A distant family member was determined to wear green on her wedding day, to the horror of many. Eventually she gave in and wore white… and then coloured in her wedding photo with a green pencil 😄😄

Yeah I’m sensing some of the more faux outraged respondents don’t get out much. And if they do they aren’t invited to nice parties. Or at least not ones with dress codes.

What a ridiculous thing to say. Sounds like you're trying to justify your choices tbh.

I've been to all kinds of weddings from registry office and working men's clubs to castles, 5* hotels and stately homes.
I attend all kinds of exclusive events through work and I've even been fortunate enough to go to a garden party at Buckingham palace.
Not once has the invite dictated what colour i had to wear.

I went to two weddings last year where the dress code was black only.

I agree…I suspect the pp is unaware of / inexperienced in what happens at civilised gatherings. Dress codes, to the extent they are used, are only to indicate the level of formality required - morning dress, black tie, lounge suits, business casual (yuck), smart casual (double yuck). They are not a prescriptive description of what must be worn. Convention also says that white / ivory / back are not worn at weddings, but also leaves it to the guests to determine how that’s interpreted. To take a prescriptive approach displays a lack of understanding of etiquette on the part of the hosts, and, though it’s not classy to say so, a lack of class. It also implies that the guests don’t understand etiquette, which is in itself rude.

I wore red to my own wedding. I can’t remember what colours everyone else wore but I thought they all looked very nice.

Of course it’s unreasonable. But I do know weddings where it’s happened. I think it goes without saying you do not wear white (or anything that can be mistaken for white in certain lighting/photos) to a wedding. But that’s an unspoken rule and not one I’d go out my way to tell people. I had one guest contact me about her outfit ahead of my wedding, because she knew it matched colour scheme and was a maxi length dress so she was worried she may look like one of the bridesmaids! She’s someone who is very body conscious and I’ve seen her wear this dress to functions before so it’s something she must like and feel comfortable in, which was important to me. It was nothing like my bridesmaids dresses so I told her to go ahead and wear what she felt good in! A few of my family members, my mum, grandma, stepmum etc asked me my colour scheme beforehand as they wanted their outfits to fit in, mainly for family photos. That was their choice, I didn’t mind what they wore. DH family went the complete polar opposite- my colour scheme was pale blues and they turned up coordinated in fuschia and pale pink, and we’d had general conversations about the wedding colour scheme. They’d just chosen outfits they liked. Absolutely didn’t bother me at all as they all looked lovely. Can’t remember what other guests wore. I’d never dream of dictating what colours people should wear, I’ve been to enough weddings where I’ve forked out enough for travel and accommodation, and our wedding involved travel and hotel costs for most guests, I wouldn’t want the added pressure of a potential new outfit.

Totally agree.

But does white make sense? The groomsmen, the dads and often the guests wear very similar suits, shirts and ties. Nobody panics in case they can't tell which man's getting married!