Page 11 | to think brides need to issue rules about what people are allowed to wear?

SnoozingFox · 2025-05-11T14:36:17+00:00

No white Nothing with even a HINT of white/cream No pale colours which in a certain light might look white No lace No red No black etc etc etc. Is this the new normal as it certainly wasn't when I got married, none of the weddings I have been to were we ever asked to run outfits past the bride before the event. Madness.

Kipperandarthur · 12/05/2025 10:18

NattyTurtle59 · 12/05/2025 09:02

Well said. So many people (let's face it, women) have completely lost the idea of what a wedding is supposed to be.

I don't care what others wear to weddings, or funerals, it's just nice to see them attend.

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It's sad that so many people now care far more about how the photos are going to look on social media. They care more about this than issuing polite invitations.

It really is the height of bad manners to instruct what colours should be worn to a wedding.

sashh · 12/05/2025 10:38

NattyTurtle59 · 12/05/2025 08:56

I don't live in the UK and I've yet to hear of a wedding with a dress code. It's pathetic that a bride thinks she is so special that she can dictate what guests wear to the wedding - which after all is supposed to be a time when family and friends come together to celebrate the event, not an Instagrammable moment where everything has to be "perfect".

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I think a lot depends on the wedding.

As I said above I'd not been in a Gurdwara before so I was grateful for the advice about what to wear.

Another friend had a reception in a barn with people sitting on hay bales and made sure people knew that fancy dresses could get ruined and recommended jeans and boots.

I think it is also a good idea that if wedding guests are travelling a long distance to give some advice about what the weather might be like.

thatsgotit · 12/05/2025 13:19

Tryingtokeepgoing · 12/05/2025 09:21

I agree…I suspect the pp is unaware of / inexperienced in what happens at civilised gatherings. Dress codes, to the extent they are used, are only to indicate the level of formality required - morning dress, black tie, lounge suits, business casual (yuck), smart casual (double yuck). They are not a prescriptive description of what must be worn. Convention also says that white / ivory / back are not worn at weddings, but also leaves it to the guests to determine how that’s interpreted. To take a prescriptive approach displays a lack of understanding of etiquette on the part of the hosts, and, though it’s not classy to say so, a lack of class. It also implies that the guests don’t understand etiquette, which is in itself rude.

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Deleted my post as I addressed it to the wrong person, sorry! 😄

godmum56 · 12/05/2025 13:26

Tryingtokeepgoing · 12/05/2025 09:21

I agree…I suspect the pp is unaware of / inexperienced in what happens at civilised gatherings. Dress codes, to the extent they are used, are only to indicate the level of formality required - morning dress, black tie, lounge suits, business casual (yuck), smart casual (double yuck). They are not a prescriptive description of what must be worn. Convention also says that white / ivory / back are not worn at weddings, but also leaves it to the guests to determine how that’s interpreted. To take a prescriptive approach displays a lack of understanding of etiquette on the part of the hosts, and, though it’s not classy to say so, a lack of class. It also implies that the guests don’t understand etiquette, which is in itself rude.

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this.

godmum56 · 12/05/2025 13:28

sashh · 12/05/2025 10:38

I think a lot depends on the wedding.

As I said above I'd not been in a Gurdwara before so I was grateful for the advice about what to wear.

Another friend had a reception in a barn with people sitting on hay bales and made sure people knew that fancy dresses could get ruined and recommended jeans and boots.

I think it is also a good idea that if wedding guests are travelling a long distance to give some advice about what the weather might be like.

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but that's advice and not a requirement.

LlynTegid · 12/05/2025 13:31

SnoozingFox · 12/05/2025 08:54

It's not just "can't afford to buy a green/silver/red/orange" outfit or whatever. It's so wasteful to expect people to buy something they may only wear once, whatever their budget.

Single or low use clothing is one of the larger contributors to climate change given its manufacture. Never mind personal finance and many who find it difficult to make ends meet.

Not sure how you reverse the trend you refer to OP. Wedding venues need the business so could not say we don't want such nonsense, for example.

ilovesooty · 12/05/2025 13:33

Kipperandarthur · 12/05/2025 10:18

It's sad that so many people now care far more about how the photos are going to look on social media. They care more about this than issuing polite invitations.

It really is the height of bad manners to instruct what colours should be worn to a wedding.

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Oh but it's apparently OK to sneer at people and be rude if your wedding involves vast expense. I suppose friends can dump people like that - it's a bit harder if you have the misfortune to be related to them.

Objectionhearsayspeculation · 12/05/2025 13:46

My DM adores my DH she wore black with a red shawl thingy because we are all a family who wear black almost all the time. I wore a black and white dress to my cousins wedding (more black than white) see above reasoning. Actually when I think of it a good friend of ours also wore black to our wedding too and she’s “normal” as opposed to goth inclined. A very non goth friend also wore a black dress with coloured flowers recently so I think it might be more a Mumsnet thing than a real life thing.

CarpetKnees · 12/05/2025 16:32

80smonster · 12/05/2025 06:23

Tell me you don’t get out much, without telling me you don’t get out much.

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That's hilarious.

As it happens, I was at a wedding just over two weeks ago.
It was a lovely day, with no demands put on the guests other than to get to the venue (local to where the couple live) and share in their happy day.

I've been to dozens upon dozens upon dozens of weddings and enjoyed nearly all of them, but the only time anyone else had a say in what I wore, was when I was a bridesmaid.

Yeah I’m sensing some of the more faux outraged respondents don’t get out much. And if they do they aren’t invited to nice parties. Or at least not ones with dress codes.

The fact is, the parties I get to go to are nice because no-one is trying to control people there, or set up some sort of background for their photo shoot. I am lucky enough to be invited to parties (including weddings) by people who want everyone to enjoy themselves, and feel comfortable to wear what they choose to wear.

CarpetKnees · 12/05/2025 16:44

SnoozingFox · 12/05/2025 07:52

But a dress code is : smart casual, black tie, business casual, morning dress, cocktail attire. Or specifying a theme like "dress to impress" or "boho chic" or "fancy dress".

None of these themes/codes are specifying exactly what you should wear, as a woman at least. It gives you flexibility and choice about whether you have something suitable in your wardrobe already, or need to buy something new. A very restrictive requirement such as "wear a green dress with a floral pattern" or "shiny gold/silver metallics" is giving no flexibility at all and means a lot of your guests are going to have to go out and buy something for the event, which they probably won't wear again. Just so it looks good in the photos?

Yes it's a wedding but the couple are also HOSTS and should be making sure their guests have a great time at the event they are hosting.

This, exactly

C8H10N4O2 · 12/05/2025 17:00

80smonster · 12/05/2025 08:39

Just checking my ‘give a fuck o’ meter’…
Nope, not bothered. Wishing you a wonderful (and no doubt tasteless) day.

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You care so little for the other opinions that you posted approx 17 times to say “my way or the highway”.

Luckily in normal world dress codes mean morning suit/black tie/lounge and not “buy an new outfit in colour which you will never wear again or fuck off”. The only time I’ve ever had any other info (note info, not instructions) with a wedding invitation was guidance on common customs in a religious building for guests who were not of the same faith.

Weddings are not just about the couple they are also about two families and friends coming together to witness solemn vows (be it civil or religious) and show their support for the marriage. That is the bit which actually matters, not the fripperies.

The notion that the colour coding of the insta pictures is more important than having the actual people at the wedding has to be the living definition of shallow, even by MN standards.

Kipperandarthur · 12/05/2025 18:36

C8H10N4O2 · 12/05/2025 17:00

You care so little for the other opinions that you posted approx 17 times to say “my way or the highway”.

Luckily in normal world dress codes mean morning suit/black tie/lounge and not “buy an new outfit in colour which you will never wear again or fuck off”. The only time I’ve ever had any other info (note info, not instructions) with a wedding invitation was guidance on common customs in a religious building for guests who were not of the same faith.

Weddings are not just about the couple they are also about two families and friends coming together to witness solemn vows (be it civil or religious) and show their support for the marriage. That is the bit which actually matters, not the fripperies.

The notion that the colour coding of the insta pictures is more important than having the actual people at the wedding has to be the living definition of shallow, even by MN standards.

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Couldn't agree more.

Christwosheds · 12/05/2025 19:09

Uptightmumma · 11/05/2025 16:46

My bridesmaid wore green

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Mine too. My v happily married friend had a green wedding dress.

EBearhug · 12/05/2025 22:12

Blueuggboots · 12/05/2025 08:33

My mum always said red hat no knickers!

Isn't it red shoes, no knickers?

Do dress hire places still exist?

PopsicleSchtick · 12/05/2025 22:40

EBearhug · 12/05/2025 22:12

Isn't it red shoes, no knickers?

Do dress hire places still exist?

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Definitely red hat!

CarpetKnees · 12/05/2025 22:57

EBearhug · 12/05/2025 22:12

Isn't it red shoes, no knickers?

Do dress hire places still exist?

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Yes, "Red shoes, no knickers" is the only way I've heard that phrase.

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 13/05/2025 00:36

This thread is making me chuckle. How funny that the bridezilla who is belittling posters by implying that they don’t get out much, or invited to the tasteful events doesn’t seem to grasp the difference between a dress code (which, tbf in traditional or more formal events isn’t all that uncommon), and a theme party (just personal preference, but I think the actual wedding should have a different vibe to the Hen Do).

Hey ho, each to their own - as has been said, it’s no skin off anyone’s nose to decline an invitation, and reducing numbers with a budget of $15k could definitely be advantageous, so, win win I suppose!

TubeScreamer · 13/05/2025 06:46

Where I grew up the phrase (much used) was ‘fur coat, no knickers’. 1970s/80s.

SapphireSeptember · 13/05/2025 15:21

SnoozingFox · 11/05/2025 16:42

I don't think any guest is going to "upstage" the bride, whatever that means, unless they are wearing a floor length white gown with a train and veil. And even then, it's blindingly obvious that the bride is the one at the front, saying I do. A pale pink dress with white pattern, or dove grey dress is not going to confuse people and make them think you're the one getting married.

When I got married I wore a bright purple silk dress. Would never have worn white/cream/ivory. Can't remember what other people wore. I think a lot of people turned up in the sort of stuff they wore to church on Sundays (smart-casual.)

JohnAmendAll · 13/05/2025 15:55

The only "rule" I ever heard of was "Only the Bride wears white". Apart from that wear what you like.

pinkballetslippers · 14/05/2025 05:44

You would think people would know not to turn up dressed like a prostitute out on the game, but no...

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 14/05/2025 08:44

pinkballetslippers · 14/05/2025 05:44

You would think people would know not to turn up dressed like a prostitute out on the game, but no...

you just have to see what some people wear at funerals, if they can't show basic respect and common sense there, not a chance in hell at weddings!

CarpetKnees · 14/05/2025 13:25

I think you would generally know your guests, at a wedding though (in terms of whether you need to spell out stuff like "No hoodies / jeans / joggers / leggings" type information. I didn't have to write that down for anyone at my wedding, as they would naturally know that stuff.

Whoarethoseguys · 14/05/2025 13:30

80smonster · 11/05/2025 18:33

Are you the kind of person that wears orange suits to weddings? Any event that costs me 15k means I specify the terms. You don’t have to come, that’s why it’s called an ‘invite’ not a summons.

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I have never worn an orange suit in my life but if someone turned up at my wedding in one I wouldn't complain. Presumably if i invited them I wanted them there because they are important to me. What they wear isn't.
Incidentally my daughter's wedding which we paid for cost more than 15k. everyone who came was very welcome whatever they wore and everyone had a wonderful time because everyone saw the wedding as a celebration not a photo opportunity!

DdraigGoch · 14/05/2025 23:44

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 11/05/2025 16:33

Red is considered totally fine these days, and in any case it is traditionally worn by brides in China, where the colour red is considered lucky.

It also makes sense for those guests who are of bridesmaid age to avoid the colour being worn by the actual bridesmaids, otherwise it looks as though they were miffed they weren't asked, and have chosen that colour to make a point.

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Surely most people won't know what the bridesmaids will be wearing until the day