to think brides need to issue rules about what people are allowed to wear?

[SnoozingFox]

No white
Nothing with even a HINT of white/cream
No pale colours which in a certain light might look white
No lace
No red
No black

etc etc etc. Is this the new normal as it certainly wasn't when I got married, none of the weddings I have been to were we ever asked to run outfits past the bride before the event.

Madness.

Yes it was on the invitations, we had a pretty small wedding and didn’t want a specific bridal party or anything so this way everyone was special and included. I have no regrets but I hope nobody felt it was controlling of us.

I find that pretty strange too, I only saw a couple of the outfits people wore beforehand because they wanted my opinion- I would never have said anything was unsuitable unless someone was planning on wearing an actual wedding dress or nothing!

When im a guest I always go off what would compliment their colours but not make me look like part of the bridal party but I do avoid black, white and bright colours to avoid standing out.

It's not just the bride.

Often the bride actually won't even notice, but the guests will. Why would you want for people to think you are desperate for attention, and everyone to either laugh at you or pity you? Bit weird.

According to dd (18) red means you are an ex of the groom ..
it’s totally nuts.
No all white dresses (bride) no all black (funeral). Nothing incredibly short and low cut, or very bare in church. That’s been the etiquette for many decades. Anything else is ridiculously controlling. Who are these people who demand to know what their MIls will wear, or veto a guest’s outfit . It’s crazy.

Your list is really standard examples of what not to wear as a wedding guest, I certainly wouldn’t wear any of those. I’d add trainers to that list as well.

I can only think that the bride has seen more wedding guests dressed inappropriately at weddings, so is taking no chances!

It’s the same as having to explicitly state ‘no siblings’ on birthday party invitations for kids- it should be obvious, but disrespectful behaviour means common-sense boundaries need to be explicitly stated 👌🏻

Think I may have voted wrong🤣 I confused myself!!
but I agree, at our wedding plenty of the women worn light dresses, some patterned some textured, & in the photos it is perfectly obvious that I was the bride🤣
There is so much pressure now to be picture perfect that for some brides they get overwhelmed by “the rules” that ridiculousness takes over.

Remember Liz Hurley with a red dress and leopard print underwear showing in the split? She was trying really hard to upstage the bride.

Why, just why.

My bridesmaid wore green

Weddings are out of control these days.

I couldn’t tell you what anyone else wore on my wedding day except me, my husband and my parents. I can’t recall anyone else’s outfits and I couldn’t give a toss. If someone wore white I didn’t notice and I wouldn’t have cared.

I’ve also worn black and green as a guest. I didn’t know these were a problem. I’d wear them both again, it’s all just daft to me.

I was once invited to a wedding where everyone was asked to wear just red/white/grey. I’m not wild about those kind of rules, but I obliged. Other than that, I’ve only been told to avoid a particular colour if it’s a culture where the bride typically wears something other than white (eg India, China), which I have no problem with. I’d always avoid wearing anything that looked wedding dress-y anyway. I was surprised by how many people asked me (after getting invites) if there were any colour dos/don’ts when I got married, I hadn’t realised it had become such a widespread thing! I was more concerned with having everyone I loved there and that everyone enjoyed the day.

I wouldn't be marrying him at all if he had already cheated before marriage. Marriage isn't going to make a difference. Once a cheat always a cheat.

On the "wear something to complement the bridal party's colours" - my sister went to a wedding recently and asked what colour the bridesmaids would be wearing for this exact reason only to be told it was top secret and a surprise for the event.

OK then....

That’s mad. My bridesmaids wore dark green. Other than avoiding white/cream if the bride is in those colours, I don’t think anything else should be vetoed. Isn’t red for the bride in a particular religion? Blimey, I’m glad nobody of my acquaintance is getting married, we’re all past it!

Bridezilla-hood definitely seems to be getting worse. With some of the demands I've heard of lately, I'd probably just not go and spend the money on myself instead.

Thing being, by the time you wrote this post, I suspect most people who want to vote, have already voted, based on the original question you asked.

So, in reply to your first (title) question, of course YABVVVVVU.
In reply to this post, then more of us would agree.

Other than a hint towards the 'level of smartness', nobody should be dictating what guests at their wedding wear.

I’d just be grateful people travelled/turned up!

I wore black to a wedding once, the marriage last 2 months

I went to a wedding back in 2016, and a couple turned up that I know. He was decked out in a suit, looked really smart. She wore black leggings, tunic style top and black flats... I thought 'Oh perhaps X is just dropping her husband off, and not coming'. Mmm nope, she really turned up as a guest wearing leggings!!! She looked dressed to pop to Tesco to do the grocery shopping!!! Most certainly not wedding attire! She ended up looking very awkward/embarrassed, when she realised how inappropriately casual she looked and said 'There was no dress code on the invitation'!!!! So, no telling guests not to wear black, lace etc is over the top but I do think it's a good idea to suggest 'smart clothing' and 'no denim, trainers' etc is sensible. Most people have common sense, but others truly don't and are clueless.

totally bridezilla behaviour

I don’t mind people having preferences, just state it in your invite. If it doesn’t suit me I can always… decline?

Apart from not wearing white/ivory, which makes sense if that is what the bride is wearing, the choice should be up to the attendee.
A wedding is supposed to be a joyful occasion for all involved. Most people looking at pictures after the fact don’t tend to look at the guests unless they have been one.
It is getting ridiculous and there is so much pressure. And the only people who ever upstage the bride tend to be tiny bridesmaids/page boys who look cute.
There was a problem page in the Sunday Times last week about a wedding with no children allowed but someone thought it was okay to bring their dog? Now therein lies the road to lunacy.

Is the red/mistress thing well known? I’ve never heard it and unknowingly wore red to my ex’s wedding and now I’m wondering what people were saying.

Ridiculous.

Everyone knows to avoid white/cream and anything too bridesmaidy or that could double as mourning. I have seen guests look lovely in black with white polka dots.

When I used to occasionally stand in fir a verger at weddings, the vicar (a wonderful lady) occasionally snorted in the vestry that she would introduce a "flesh tax" so perhaps a little modesty doesn't go amiss.

We had none of this nonsense at ds's wedding.

I suspect is partly because guests behaviour seems to be getting worst.

While people, on the whole, used to be respectful, many are being a lot more attention seeking and trying to turn the whole wedding about themselves.
it's the same with children. It's not a urban legend that parents, on the whole, used to keep their kids under control at weddings. Now we have gentle parents, and a lot more child-free weddings 😂

Well they weren't "basic rules" at my wedding nor at any wedding I have attended.

I am not a fan of weddings and so probably don’t know all the rules and etiquette. I had 12 people at mine and it was a registry office but even I know you don’t wear white/ cream/ ivory/ anything that looks remotely bride like for the wedding. The not wearing white is presumably for the photos to only have one person in that colour. I really don’t see how that could possibly be too much to ask for and it would be really selfish to turn up to someone’s day wearing ivory/ cream/ white or whatever. If I ever got married again (I’m divorced and highly unlikely to ever get married again) if someone turned up in a long white dress I would just find it very odd. I don’t think I would care but most people do care about weddings.
I went to a funeral recently where everyone was asked to wear something blue so I wore a suitable dress and borrowed a blue handbag from my mum. So I don’t see that it’s a massive big deal if someone says as well as the usual don’t wear white please don’t wear green/ red as I’m superstitious. I wouldn’t have a clue that was a thing though having not read it on here.