to think brides need to issue rules about what people are allowed to wear?

[SnoozingFox]

No white
Nothing with even a HINT of white/cream
No pale colours which in a certain light might look white
No lace
No red
No black

etc etc etc. Is this the new normal as it certainly wasn't when I got married, none of the weddings I have been to were we ever asked to run outfits past the bride before the event.

Madness.

Its very old etiquette to not wear white, black or red to a wedding. White is for obvious reasons, black because its linked to funerals and disapproval of the wedding and red because its resembles blood and bandages alongside the white of the wedding dress ( an old tradition in wartime i believe). I have never heard of not being able to wear lace though.

Just reflecting on how times have changed - in my youth, admittedly a long time ago, people wore whatever they had that was smart (ish) to a wedding. It might well be their only smart outfit, and almost certainly wouldn't be new, unless it was something like a new top to go with their nice skirt. Buying a new outfit for every event just wasn't expected.
Same for funerals, but with the added proviso that it should be plain and dark, maybe with a white shirt.
If people had started dictating colours for weddings, no one would have gone!
I think people have way more clothes now, and a bigger disposable income.

And if you’re the sort of guest who can’t be trusted to choose something appropriate to wear to a wedding, you should ask if your outfit is OK. The bridal party shouldn’t have to tell people.

I’m very laid back. I had three flower girls (because they wanted to be in the wedding, I didn’t care) and they just wore their favourite party dress, any colour and style they liked. But people come to weddings in all manner of inappropriate clothing and should know better (but clearly don’t).

But only weird brides would be reading all the books and wedding planning magazines. Certainly not the guests.

And if you’re the sort of guest who can’t be trusted to choose something appropriate to wear to a wedding, you should ask if your outfit is OK. The bridal party shouldn’t have to tell people.

And again, we have several people on this thread disagreeing whether black/red is appropriate. They might think their black dress is perfect, turn up on the day and have the bride shooting daggers at them. Or being told their red dress reminds people of blood and bandages (wtf?) How do you know in advance what the bride thinks is appropriate or inappropriate?

Think there may be an American influence going on here. Been to loads of weddings, women just wore something nice. I wore a cream suit to a friend's wedding, no-one thought I was the bride. Sister got married in green ages ago-she didn't believe in unlucky colours. She's been married nearly 50 years.

People seem to worry so much about perfection in photos- that after a while will live in a box and not see the light of day. Bonkers.

My only rule might have been don't dress as if you were a bride. Other than that, people could wear whatever they liked. Even then I don't think I'd bother making it an actual rule, as the vast majority of people wouldn't do it anyway.

DH's sister wore red at our wedding. Exactly how worried do I need to be? 😳

Depends. Is her name Cersei?

Christ on a bike. If I received a wedding invitation like this I just wouldn't go. Surely anyone with half a brain knows they just need to look nice and be comfortable (or be comfortable and look nice, or even just be comfortable and be there). I changed out of my fancy gear for the evening do at my friends wedding a few years ago (after the very lovely day service/meal etc) just chucked jeans and a t-shirt on and danced the night away, that's what it's all about, surely? Having a laugh with your mates and grooving on down to The Time Warp (if you have to!)

Better than being told to wear a particular colour

Apparently the other explanation is that her dress was supposed to represent blood next to the white bandages of your dress. Totally unhinged.

Chinese brides wear red for a wedding.

That's today's useless piece of information 🙂

I think wedding guest dress etiquette is well known but actually most people are not that bothered. Apart from close family (and the bride) I don't remember what most guests wore to any wedding I have attended. Either they all followed the rules or it wasn't as shocking or memorable on the day?

Red is considered totally fine these days, and in any case it is traditionally worn by brides in China, where the colour red is considered lucky.

It also makes sense for those guests who are of bridesmaid age to avoid the colour being worn by the actual bridesmaids, otherwise it looks as though they were miffed they weren't asked, and have chosen that colour to make a point.

I‘m in my 60s and the only colours I would expect to avoid are white and black. I think black has become much more common these days as people are more likely to dress in evening clothes than in smart daywear.

Green used to be considered unlucky but only, as far as I know, if it was the bride who was wearing it.

Fortunately I have never been to a wedding with a dress code!

I definitely do not like specific dress codes for weddings or colour themes - this seems to be an Americanism that’s gaining traction in the UK. In the UK you can infer the dress code from “wedding” 😂 and potentially the venue.

I don’t think it’s unusual to expect guests not to wear white or ivory, surely that’s the bare minimum!? It’s not a social media thing either. I’ve never asked what colour the bridesmaids will be in but some of my friends have done, again perfectly fine to do.

I’ve attended few weddings, with awkward wide feet, ( and insoles )shoes would be the issue not the outfit

Something to do with scorned past lovers if I remember correctly.

No white
Nothing with even a HINT of white/cream that's not strictly true, is it.
No pale colours which in a certain light might look white

that's basic manners.

The main rule is not to UPSTAGE (or try) to upstage the bride. Even if she herself could not care less - often the case- it's very rude and rather sad to wear something to try to bring attention to yourself, you are just a guest, leave someone have a special day for once.

Brides don't need to issue rules when existing etiquette is plenty?
YABU

If in doubt, ask. It’s not rocket science. I’ve worn black. I asked.

Oops I just wore black (patterned but still basically black, with black shoes) to a wedding. It was fine. It’s completely normal particularly in the US to have all the bridesmaids in black.

I don't think any guest is going to "upstage" the bride, whatever that means, unless they are wearing a floor length white gown with a train and veil. And even then, it's blindingly obvious that the bride is the one at the front, saying I do. A pale pink dress with white pattern, or dove grey dress is not going to confuse people and make them think you're the one getting married.

My SIL, in her 50s, told all the family that they had to wear blue and white, or gold and white to her wedding. My MIL had already bought a different colour dress and SIL took her to a shop to buy one that met her criteria. Of course, DIL wasn’t the one paying for the second dress. The whole event was just completely OTT. Marriage didn’t last, not surprisingly.

To be fair about upstaging, I am entirely average looking, I have an extremely beautiful friend (model) and I asked her to do a reading instead of being a bridesmaid 😅