Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

[Weddingspeechsad]

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

I had to re-read the OP a couple of times as I thought I’d missed what was supposed to be so upsetting. I’m still none the wiser.

@Weddingspeechsad My son came to live with me at 16 I am a bit confused here! where did he live before???

His Dad kept the house when we divorced

Would obviously never say anything to her.

Well…good! There is literally nothing you could say to her about this. If she wants to gush over her own mum in her own speech, then she bloody well can.

You’re annoyed with the wrong person. You’re jealous because she gushed over her mum on and on and on, but your son didn’t do this for you. You’re sad with your son because he didn’t give you equal air time, but hey, it’s easier to blame her right?

I then had to get used to all of these new rules in place and being told how I could and couldn’t act around him,

that sounds odd. Like what?

Nothing too out there. Just stuff like telling me not to ring after a certain time, don’t ask them to come over for dinner if I ring and they say they aren’t busy as apparently it stresses them out and puts pressure on them, don’t message DIL Mum on Facebook.

sometimes it does feel like they forget I’m a person who just misses her son and like I’m being cut out. But this thread isn’t about that. I’m working on not reacting or causing any animosity.

You might have been a lot more full-on and over-bearing that you realised. Who knows, we were not there.

Is it possible that when they declined an invitation, you were a bit dramatic about it?

Setting strong boundaries with your MIL is not bad advice. It's natural to miss your son, but in your own interest, you need to build a busy life for yourself.

@Weddingspeechsad when ds and dil were getting serious dil's mum sent me a Facebook request. That crossed a boundary for me and I asked ds.to let her know that my Facebook really is only about 14 people strong, some of whom I went to school with. I sent a LinkdIn request instead.

I honestly don't think it's appropriate to be that chummy with your child's in-laws. Similarly if I ring DS/DIL I'd ask them.to let me know when they were around for dinner not ask them to come over.

What time have you been ringing. I wouldn’t call after 8.30/9 unless there was an emergency. In fact I never call; we text and/or WhatsApp.

Our DC have to be allowed to spread their wings.

I sent a LinkdIn request instead.

what 😂😂

I actually agree with your DIL. Mums are not given anywhere near enough praise or public acknowledgement of the work they do in helping their DC prepare for weddings. The father of the bride walks the bride down the aisle and has a first dance.

She did a lovely thing for her mum. There's also a trend of giving the MOB the bride's bouquet.

But this doesn't mean the MOG should be forgotten. Or the FOG. But that is up to the groom to organise.

What a lovely thing for the bride to do / say.

usually there is no role for the bride's mother, it's the bride's father that traditionally gives her away.

her mother carried her for 9 months then gave birth to her.

did you think by contributing £1000 towards the wedding entitled you to some sort of special treatment...

It’s not about you. Seems to be a pattern with quite a lot of mother in laws, they want centre of attention all the time

Of course not! It’s her mother! She is talking about her whole life, not just the wedding preparations. Really you are being very unreasonable!

Are you jealous because you wanted your son to say similar things about you and you want yo be closer to them as a couple? It’s so lovely that she spoke about her mum like that, they are clearly very close. The speech wasn’t a slur on you,

It's down to your Son to extend any gushy thanks to you. They both extended thanks to each others parents.
The bride is obviously going to have an extra special relationship with her Mum, and on her wedding day it's to be expected that she would speak highly of her Mum.

Just as your Son had the opportunity to do for you.

YABU! Both her and your son acknowledged you in their speeches. Off course she'd speak differently about her mother. Don't be that MIL.

Wouldn’t bother me but if you wanted the big speech about you it should have come in your son’s section not hers so I don’t understand why if there’s any annoyance or hurt (which I don’t think there should be) it’s directed at the bride.

It's probably only as an adult that your dil has realised how tough it was for her mother as a single parent and she wanted to acknowledge all that she has done. That's rather lovely. It really was for your son to single you out for praise but you clearly blame your dil for some reason. You need to ask yourself why you can't bring yourself to criticise him.

Not in the slightest. I have no doubt her mum gave her an abundance of support for the wedding.

I would be happy that DIL had a lovely relationship with her DM.

In a nice way. It has nothing to do with you, don't feel it is a slight in anyway, it is a bit paranoid.

That made me chuckle too 😂😂

I’d try really hard to move on from the boundaries they put in place, because I’m 100% sure your son was on board and in agreement that you were unintentionally overstepping. They won’t want to come for dinner just because they’re at home. People like to just be able to chill at home and if you’re inviting them round enough for them to feel uncomfortable having to keep saying no. It then becomes a chore talking to you. I know it’s harsh and you’re probably feeling lonely so want to see them regularly. But this isn’t your DIL, this is your son. He’s making his own decisions. People are so quick to blame the DIL/SIL but it’s a natural progression in you DSs life. It’s his job to maintain his relationship with you. Not hers. It’s also 100% unreasonable to expect your DIL to do a special mention like she did for her mum. You’re happy with your DS speech so that’s the end of it.

It’s concerning it’s crossed your mind

Your sons wedding is about him and his new wife
I get the ‘thanks for everything to all the parents’

I don’t understand dwelling on one individual parent because It’s not about them.

At ours my dh thanked everyone for coming. I read out telegrams (yes very trad ) commiserated on those who couldn’t make it and those we wish had been around to see us tie the night. Then announced the games.

Nice and quick, no individual left out or treated more favourably and on to the fun stuff

Your son is responsible for what was and was not said about you.

His wife is not.

Direct your disappointment to the appropriate person.

As the mother of the groom 2 years ago, the bride did absolutely nothing wrong. She was just thanking her own Mum and that's lovely!

As for the not accepting a FB request and wanting a LinkedIn. That's fucking weird!!!