Is sending me money a red flag?

[Kenyaparks]

So I’ve been talking to this man for about a month now. We’ve done loads of phone and video calls. He lives out of state but he happens to live in the state that I’m moving to in a couple months. He is also coming out to where I am to visit me before I move out there.

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money? It was all jokes I didn’t think he was going to obviously do it, I definitely appreciate it. I was in the store today and I told him he should by a watch from the store I was at? He asked me if I wanted it and that he would send me the money… I obviously declined the offer.

is it a red flag that he’s sending me money and hasn’t met me yet ?

You can send money via mobile phone on PayPal? I never knew.

OP you need some better more ethical 'jokes'

This.
You have obviously given him your bank details for him to be able to transfer the money………why would you need to do that when you have only been communicating for one month. TBH, you both sound to be very suspicious characters……..even good friends that I have known for decades do not know my bank details!

You can in the US, which I assume is OP’s country from her language. Directly transferring using bank details is unusual.

Pretty sure I’ve done it in UK too, but couldn’t swear to it.

Yeah, that's a big, waving red flag with flashing red lights! Avoid, avoid, avoid. He is/will be weird, suspicious and extremely controlling.

I agree he's being weird about your new apartment as well.

I didn't think the money thing was a big deal on its own. Some men take pride in being generous; hell, it's even a fetish for some of them (look up 'money pig').
BUT, coupled with his rapidly emerging stalkerish, controlling tendencies, it's reasonable to assume he expects to buy you - as in, really buy you and every aspect of your life.

Nope.

Don't know why only two of us have thought of this!

Has it occurred to you that your ‘jokes’ aren’t landing with him and knowing that he takes your ‘jokes’ literally, you still keep making them. You OP are a class act, typical CF move by suggesting that the CF is the victim.

This is a scammer. Delete delete delete.

Also the documentary "Tinder Swindler", appearing generous was a tactic to impress one woman and the money funding this generosity actually came from another woman!

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money

So your OP doesn't make any sense. You'd already received money from him, which by your post should have been the time for you to feel weird and send it back, but you didn't, you made a weird joke and he sent more.

🎼YEAH SHE A TRIFLIN', FRIEND INDEED🎼

You don’t sound very nice OP

This in spades. You’re definitely a red flag. He might be. Might be pity from him to you (I’d hate that but you probably don’t as you “jokingly” ask people you don’t know well for money). Or he might have a saviour complex which isn’t healthy.

You’re not jokingly asking him for money, you are outright asking him for money as you very well know. Stop all the faux naivety, you sound ridiculous.

You guys I sent the money back and he wouldn’t take it….. he sent me the money through cash app

What app are you using that doesn't need you to send any details to him in order for him to send you money, which it seems you weren't asked to accept, but it does ask him to accept when you return it?
What a load of bollocks.

All the other stuff is an obvious red flag. Clearly you don't give your address out to randoms on the internet, or strange men you meet in parks who ask if you want to see some puppies.

He comes across as vulnerable and you come across as a grabby creep.

You clearly aren't joking as he has your details. I'd say you are the one giving red flag vibes

Honestly that…

you can’t be “joking” if he ends up sending you what you were joking about. First time…erm…but three times…

If I were him, I would be wary of you and your jokes. On your side, yeah I suppose if you aren’t looking to be a damoiselle in need to be saved…just go and find someone else…

Maybe he places less value on physical items
need to work out if this ‘gels’ with your own value system
if you have totally different priorities it could make things difficult for any kind of commitment

It sounds like this has scamming connotations at play.

What's 'coffee' money

The moment someone I’ve never met asks me for money, they are getting fucked off out of it.

Sending money is usually the start of a scam. They will bait you with small amounts, then send $1000 ‘by mistake’ and ask for $800 back.
You send the 800, the 1,000 gets reversed and you are 800 out of pocket.
Go to Reddit and peruse r/scams

It's a online money transfer like revolut...you just need email or phone number.

Already controlling how you should communicate with your mum?
Run.

Yes this! They start by sending you money so you think they’re rich then something happens that means they need you to send them money… and the requests for money never end. Red flag!

You're a red flag with these "jokes" you're saying to him.

Gold digging behaviour! "Joking" my arse!
Well it seems you've opened a can of worms, you're asking him for money, he's already controlling you and you haven't even physically met! Sounds like you deserve each other to be fair!
I think you're too young to have a serious relationship, work on your self respect first!