Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To respond more harshly next time my MIL tries to guess if I’m pregnant? How?

137 replies

annabelfr · 10/05/2025 14:56

We’ve been trying for a baby for years, and now I’m finally pregnant. My MIL has developed a habit recently of making pointed comments — for example, she once called me over and said loudly, “LOOK! You’ll want to see this,” then pointed to a sign that said something like “Not recommended for pregnant women due to high temperatures” (it was outside a sauna). At the time I wasn’t pregnant, and I just awkwardly said something like, “Yep, I see it.” Another time she said, “Hmm, not interested in the feta salad, are you?” in that same smug, baiting tone.

We’re going away for a short trip with her next weekend, and this time I am pregnant — but still in the first trimester and not ready to tell anyone yet, especially as we’ve previously experienced a miscarriage. I also don’t want to flat-out deny it when she guesses, because I don’t want to jinx it by saying “no” when it’s actually true. What I’m looking for is a way to respond that firmly shuts her down without being outright rude — not a “shut up” or “that’s inappropriate,” (I wish, but my husband would flip at that being too rude for his mummy - ironic) just something that holds my boundary while keeping the peace.

OP posts:
anon12345anon · 10/05/2025 15:00

Not helpful (sorry) but I wouldn't be spending time with her....
Let your "d"h spend his free time with her.

Congratulations - hope everything goes well x

annabelfr · 10/05/2025 15:05

anon12345anon · 10/05/2025 15:00

Not helpful (sorry) but I wouldn't be spending time with her....
Let your "d"h spend his free time with her.

Congratulations - hope everything goes well x

I’d love to not spend time with them but they want to spend time with our child (toddler age). I wouldn’t want my child unsupervised with them (they’re not dangerous… just that I don’t like them and don’t agree with them on many things so would like to supervise contact) so I have to be around when they’re together

OP posts:
dudsville · 10/05/2025 15:08

Can you pull out last minute with some illness?

ZippyPeer · 10/05/2025 15:09

'im not discussing what is or isnt happening in my body with you MIL, now where shall we for lunch [insert other subject change here]'

Something like that?

DumDeeDoh · 10/05/2025 15:10

Say you are having sex as much as humanly possible, thanks for asking

mnahmnah · 10/05/2025 15:10

I would just deflect, deflect, deflect. Things like ‘haha! Ooh look at what dc is doing’. Or yawn and say you need to go and get a drink.

toomuchfaff · 10/05/2025 15:11

Not sure how long ago your miscarriage was, or if you told them, but id be saying something to embarrass her to stunning her into silence and usually its something along the lines of "just received the news i'm infertile so thanks for that, now I'm crying"

But obviously as your pregnant that won't work..

Maybe just go with the simple

"Are you ok?, you seem to always make references to pregnancy, you know that it's not appropriate conversation"

But you were right, you have a dh problem. He should be managing his mother.

Nameftgigb · 10/05/2025 15:11

annabelfr · 10/05/2025 15:05

I’d love to not spend time with them but they want to spend time with our child (toddler age). I wouldn’t want my child unsupervised with them (they’re not dangerous… just that I don’t like them and don’t agree with them on many things so would like to supervise contact) so I have to be around when they’re together

You’re having another child with your dh when you don’t trust him alone with the one you’ve got?

BethDuttonYeHaw · 10/05/2025 15:12

What does your DH think about you not letting them spend time with your toddler?

are they really that bad? Seems extreme.

Tandora · 10/05/2025 15:13

Tell her she’s looking quite pregnant herself

MayaPinion · 10/05/2025 15:14

‘Do you want to know if Roger and I are having sex, Sandra? Great, bawdy, randy, sex all over the house? Is that what you really want to know? That’s a bit weird and it makes me feel very uncomfortable that you’re so interested in my sex life with your son.’ That should shut her up for a bit.

SamDeanCas · 10/05/2025 15:15

I’d just pretend not to ‘get it’

‘oh look at this sign’ oh yes MIL, it says not suitable for pregnant women. Have you seen the news about Prince Harry

‘are you having the feta salad’ - no I was thinking of having a jacket potato with beans

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/05/2025 15:16

Urgh I would avoid her until you are ready. I loathe people like that.

Are you actually prepared to have her involved in your family life? I would limit my time with her as much as possible.

TryingToStayAwake88 · 10/05/2025 15:17

You could turn it back on her and say, that's interesting it can't be done while pregnant. Are you going to avoid it? Or something which sounds sort of innocent but implies she is pregnant!

Sera1989 · 10/05/2025 15:19

I don't think there is much point coming up with quips as it won't solve the problem, it will just carry on and you'll get annoyed. Why not say something like "look, it seems like you're very interested in trying to guess if I'm pregnant. If I become pregnant I will tell you. Now can we stop this please as it's not funny and it's starting to become a bit rude."

thepariscrimefiles · 10/05/2025 15:19

annabelfr · 10/05/2025 15:05

I’d love to not spend time with them but they want to spend time with our child (toddler age). I wouldn’t want my child unsupervised with them (they’re not dangerous… just that I don’t like them and don’t agree with them on many things so would like to supervise contact) so I have to be around when they’re together

If she says something about you being pregnancy this time, tell her that you find her comments hurtful and inappropriate. Who cares if your DH thinks you are being mean to his mummy. He should worry about her being mean to you.

Does she know that you have had a miscarriage?

Lijay1 · 10/05/2025 15:21

You could use 'what an odd thing to say'
Honestly works for anything really that you don't want to answer/crosses a line

Also congratulations!!

AlertCat · 10/05/2025 15:22

Tell her it’s very personal to ask- it’s basically asking if you and her DS are shagging. Or for updates on your menstrual cycle. Put like that, it might make her back off?

Whistonia · 10/05/2025 15:22

Nameftgigb · 10/05/2025 15:11

You’re having another child with your dh when you don’t trust him alone with the one you’ve got?

Has been trying to get pregnant for years but now has a toddler? 🤷‍♀️

Tarantella6 · 10/05/2025 15:22

MIL you're very quick to notice potential issues for pregnancy. Is there something you want to tell us?

Cognacsoft · 10/05/2025 15:23

You have a dh problem.
He should be closing his dm down with
Stop making my dw feel uncomfortable.

If he won't then ask her why are you pointing that out to me?
Or Why are you interested in my diet?
Or just glare at her and walk off.

If you're brave enough say
Has anyone ever told you your nosey?
Or invent a colleague and tell mil
X asked me personal questions, she's so nosey.

Summergarden · 10/05/2025 15:24

Tell her all about how you went out drinking recently and got very drunk to throw her off scent!

Willowkins · 10/05/2025 15:24

I think you need something that works whatever the situation. Could you practice looking puzzled and then ... Not Answer?

Sgtmajormummy · 10/05/2025 15:27

I’d go for “If you NEED to know something, don’t worry I’ll let you know.”
In other words, keep to the boundaries I give you.

5128gap · 10/05/2025 15:30

If I were you'd I'd either cancel the break, or just tell her. I honestly couldn't be bothered with having to prepare a script in the event she said something. For one thing, whatever you say, the other person never says the lines you want them to, and she will probably just go on commenting and questioning.