Baby at fertility show?

[Butterbly]

I'm not sure if I'm just in the haze of ivf treatments

Today I went to a fertility/ family building event. It was some stands but mostly talks by a fertility clinic on treatment options for example an hour talk of iui medications and procedures etc and an hour on implications of ivf in a packed conference room (100+ people)

I've been sent a link to give some feedback.

I was surprised that a couple bought their baby along in a pram

The baby was fairly vocal (crying and chatting) which didn't feel right for any kind of indepth talk in that way so I would have taken it outside at that point. In breaks in the event, it was being walked along in the aisles, they were loudly playing with it

I think it's probably fair to feedback that I struggled to hear at points because of background noise, but is it also fair to say that it didn't feel like the right audience for a baby?

Pork is allowed in general society too. Shall I rock up to a Muslim gathering with a hog roast?

Can you not recognise that church is not an infertility talk?

This isn't OP saying people with babies should avoid her. She just wants to not hear a giggling baby while hearing about the painful 15k procedure with a 33% chance of success.

Lots of people who go through infertility treatment will spend thousands and not get a baby. It's OK to want a safe space in this one context.

I don’t think it would be appropriate to have a baby in any lecture type environment, if you haven’t got a village then surely only one of you goes? If you’ve paid money to hear something you should be able to hear it without a child making noise over it. Realistically if you went to any other lecture style conference would you expect to have a child making noise in the corner?

I think it is also insensitive because of the context.

She isn’t talking about church. She’s talking about a paid event where she has gone to learn about something specific. I went to similar about developments in teaching, doesn’t mean I expect my class of year 10s to accompany me.

I am surprised at how mixed the responses are! I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I struggled so badly with my infertility (not saying you are, you sound way more reasonable than me!) - I would not have coped well at all with a baby not only being there at a lecture like that during such a heart breaking time but also with my attention being drawn to it. And yes, I do/did struggle with seeing happily pregnant women and young babies. I think it’s okay to admit that - no one but me knew how heart-wrenching it was. I wanted l/want one more than I wanted to breathe and someone else said, I wouldn’t have expected to see one at that kind of talk! Hope you’re okay xx

*no one but me knew how heart wrenching it was in the sense that I would never let anyone else know I was struggling like that - not that others don’t understand infertility!

My reproductive endocrinologist did not allow children to be visible in the office.

That was completely insensitive of the parents - at such a difficult event for a lot of women, it’s awful that they had to put up with a loud baby.

Babies are welcome everywhere else - nobody is suggesting they need to be hidden - but not at a conference on infertility.

I can see why it would upset people who are struggling with fertility.

My baby was born via IUI (no fertility issues, same sex couple) and the clinic we went to encouraged people who’d had successful treatment to visit with their newborn.

We never did as I had no desire to make some poor woman in the waiting room feel like shit while the staff enjoyed the company of a baby.

This.

YANBU. I would feed back to the organiser that you found it difficult that a baby was present - up to them what they do with that information but absolutely is worth raising.

Posters saying they can't see anything wrong are just being facetious. It is incredibly insensitive to bring a baby to a fertility event.

No, because there are infertile people with babies too.

In the nicest way possible OP, you are being extremely self-centred. You will be seeing babies for the rest of your life, what difference does it make if you see one at a fertility conference?

This isn’t the nicest possible way. HTH

This. The coldness and lack of empathy on this thread is breathtaking.

Oh yes, church, that place that's exactly the same as a meeting for people struggling to conceive a child

Good to know that babies are allowed to be loud in your church though

Yes, I agree. There are plenty of events comprising lecture style talks that forbid children, its not unreasonable on the disruption front to feedback, nor from a sensitivity point of view. Of course children are most other places in the world, this is probably the one event you'd think people would actually consider other people.

I struggled to conceive for three years. I would have been disgusted.

I can't believe there are people in this thread who can't see how totally insensitive this was of those parents.
Babies are lovely to see everywhere and I was always happy to see them, but some situations are just not appropriate. Feed back, you definitely won't be the only ones.
Reminds me of waiting for an internal scan during NHS infertility investigations, not knowing whether I would ever be able to have children, and sitting next to a young girl crying in the waiting room as she was deciding whether she would have an abortion. I felt so sorry for the poor girl but went home and absolutely cried my eyes out, no way I should have had to have been in that situation.

I can't believe there are people in this thread who can't see how totally insensitive this was of those parents.

Lots of parents are selfish and self centred so not too surprised!

Sometimes having babies from successful treatments there gives people hope.

What if that baby was IVF and the couple went there because it was important for them?
YABU for me.

Normally I’m fully on the side of being sensitive to the feelings of people struggling with infertility and not rubbing scans/ pregnancy/ babies in their faces etc.

But in this case I think OP is BU. I’m sure the people with the baby weren’t attending the event and bringing their baby for their own entertainment. Presumably they were there for a reason and benefitted from the lecture which was a public event. Presumably they had no childcare. They shouldn’t be excluded from attending because of the baby. Babies are a part of life.

OP I’m so sorry you are having these struggles and I hope you get your baby soon xx

Why are they more important than everyone else there?

Even if there was a sign in the baby saying “I’m an IVF Baby!”, it’s still a heck of a punt