Baby at fertility show?

[Butterbly]

I'm not sure if I'm just in the haze of ivf treatments

Today I went to a fertility/ family building event. It was some stands but mostly talks by a fertility clinic on treatment options for example an hour talk of iui medications and procedures etc and an hour on implications of ivf in a packed conference room (100+ people)

I've been sent a link to give some feedback.

I was surprised that a couple bought their baby along in a pram

The baby was fairly vocal (crying and chatting) which didn't feel right for any kind of indepth talk in that way so I would have taken it outside at that point. In breaks in the event, it was being walked along in the aisles, they were loudly playing with it

I think it's probably fair to feedback that I struggled to hear at points because of background noise, but is it also fair to say that it didn't feel like the right audience for a baby?

It’s a little insensitive I think.

That baby might have been an ivf baby, and those parents might have gone through their own years of struggle to have the baby and be attending with a view for a future baby.

I think it's understandable that you would feel it's inappropriate and not like seeing a baby at that kind of event, but I think that's a you problem to deal with those feelings rather than police babies at an event like that

You've changed your tune slightly to your OP ...

I lost a baby in the second trimester and often babies and young children will be with their parents at her shared graveside. It doesn't get much more intense than that and I still don't have a problem with it. I see babies everywhere I go including on the ward where I lost mine.

Sorry if i'm being insensitive but I don't get it.

Some people will pick at anything 🤣 I’m not talking about the baby but the wider audience.

And some replies are unnecessarily twatty.

you can say you think someone is BU without being personal.

I think it’s tone deaf as well as practically inappropriate.

I was in the packed waiting room on a fertility clinic (we’re talking 20 women) and a couple brought in their toddler…dad could have just gone to a coffee shop round the corner, but nooooooo. We had loud performance parenting and this kid watching cartoons, no headphones, off the dad’s phone.

FFS. Read the room.

That must have been horrific and I take a different stance to you. The NHS being crass and insensitive doesn’t give carte Blanche to anyone to do the same.

I was barking mad when I had IVF though, so the OP seems mild to me.

There is so much wrong with your behavior here...it's difficult to know where to start.

I went through IVF - I know what you mean. For me though, at some point I needed to realise that being in the vicinity of babies is fine.

I hope your treatment is going ok. It may well be the IVF and hormones and injections etc talking.

So only people who have never had a baby before should be allowed to attend?

To say you think the actual act of having to look at a healthy looking stranger's baby during the event was triggering/upsetting seems a bit much. But if that's how you feel then I guess say so.

I'd say it would be more off brand for them to ban new parents from the event, personally.

Babies should be taken outside if they cry during any kind of seminar and people Cant hear or are distracted.

It might have been better if the parent hadn’t brought the baby due to the nature of the event, it would have been more thoughtful not to bring a child, but if a sitter fell through what can you do.

It is totally in appropriate. I understand that secondary infertility is a thing but being faced with never having a child is next level.
I wonder if those who disagree with the OP have ever faced that prospect?

I completely get it. Worst I've seen was babies and young kids in an abortion clinic. There were alot of shocked and upset faces. Some places are just not meant for a baby/child to be

We attended an information evening, which was a series of lectures, on infertility with a toddler. There was another one too. We had asked and they said no problem. We had no childcare and both wanted to get all the information because we were changing fertility clinic. We would have taken him outside if he was disruptive.

Some people have secondary fertility issues, some people with a baby might be going with a friend to support them.

op, you should maybe move this to the infertility page. You are going to get responses from people on AIBU who cannot understand your pain

I’ve had an abortion and if I’d seen a woman with a child there, I’d feel so sorry for her that she has so little support that even for this she can’t get childcare. (I am surprised the clinic allowed it though)
If you’re talking about a situation where two parents have brought a child to the clinic, I agree with you. The father should have stayed with the child elsewhere.

YANBU. Only a complete jerk would take a baby to an event for people struggling with fertility..

When I had IVF I saw more than one couple at my clinic with an older child with them. I didn't like it but even then I could appreciate that just because someone has a baby doesn't mean their struggles with infertility are over.

I completely agree with you @Butterbly. It was insensitive but typical of some people's entitlement these days.

Both of those actually but the clinic didn't bat an eye. It's just tone deaf to take children into certain spaces

Being around babies will help getting pregnant? If you're looking at IVF, you most probably have a diagnosed issue or condition. I don't think being around babies is going to help.

And yes, the provider should have made it absolutely clear that parents needed to be sensitive.

This is an incredibly insensitive comment that adds nothing to the discussion.

@Butterbly I'm sorry you're facing fertility treatment. It can be such a long and lonely experience. Having been through it myself (and out the other side) I would have felt the same in this situation. If DH and I decided to go back into the IVF world (which we won't), we absolutely would not even dream of taking our small child with us. To me that would be so insensitive. If we really needed this information I would have gone on my own / found another way.
Wishing you all the best 💐

I can totally understand where you are coming from… but the pain of the 5 miscarriages I had at 10-12 weeks and the struggle to finally maintain a pregnancy beyond that 12week mark was no less horrific for already having a child. I know that if you haven’t had that first child, it may seem insensitive to see other people with children claiming distress but I used to leave many a mum n baby group and sob all the way home with my first born in her buggy whenever anyone announced a pregnancy.

I truly understand that from your position it may be hard to appreciate that the pain of loss when you already have a child might be comparable. But it really is.

I know what you mean. It took years to have my child after an unplanned pregnancy resulted in miscarriage, and it seemed like pregnancy (let alone a successful one) would never happen. I always found it so painful seeing babies and toddlers and young children in general. I think seeing them in an environment like that would have been extra difficult.

Saying it now it sounds so illogical, and I can’t actually even remember why I felt like that. I think it was just the desire for something that might never be. I can’t remember or understand the exact thought process, and I do think it’s something difficult to make sense of unless you have felt it yourself.