Baby at fertility show?

[Butterbly]

I'm not sure if I'm just in the haze of ivf treatments

Today I went to a fertility/ family building event. It was some stands but mostly talks by a fertility clinic on treatment options for example an hour talk of iui medications and procedures etc and an hour on implications of ivf in a packed conference room (100+ people)

I've been sent a link to give some feedback.

I was surprised that a couple bought their baby along in a pram

The baby was fairly vocal (crying and chatting) which didn't feel right for any kind of indepth talk in that way so I would have taken it outside at that point. In breaks in the event, it was being walked along in the aisles, they were loudly playing with it

I think it's probably fair to feedback that I struggled to hear at points because of background noise, but is it also fair to say that it didn't feel like the right audience for a baby?

YANBU, and I wish you every success with your treatment.

I had a large bleed in the early hours of the morning when 13 weeks pregnant, so went to the EPU to get scanned. As it was only 7am, DH and DD1 (who was 14 months old) came with me, but I asked them to wait in the car. As much as I wanted my DH there for support, I knew there would be several other women waiting to find out if they had lost their pregnancies too, and it would be utterly tone deaf to sit in that waiting room with my young child.

Completely insensitive of them. Read the fucking room.

Sorry you are going through this OP, I hope it works out for you.

yep people should keep their babies inside at all times to save your feelings. the world revolves around you

Exactly. Anyone wanting children who can't cope with a child making a bit of noise in a public place is in a for a big shock.

My friend was horrified to learn that other friends expecting or wirh kids were “avoiding” her in case their pregnancy & kids made her upset.
She was happy for everyone else. It took her 10 yrs to get her baby, and we were with her the whole way, with our kids.

I've no issues with the kids i saw today playing noisily on the train, or the toddler who who was engaging us in peekaboo type play at our lunch table. In fact the toddler near us at lunch was completely soul warming (and i told her mum that!)
I don't mind babies in public im not sure why people have assumed i cant deal with kids in normal places
I love children (hence sinking life savings into having one!). I'm well aware children exist

Its specifically in a series of lectures aimed at people with infertility, and a baby being noisy.

YANBU. That was very insensitive of them.

I doubt OP’s reaction is a choice. Also, criticising someone who is struggling with infertility for not struggling ‘correctly’ (according to you) … does not make you come across well. That is the politest way I can put it.

It never ceases to amaze me how dumb people are.

It’s not “oh, so we all have to keep our children locked up at home!”

It’s the ever (please note the dripping sarcasm) so slightly nuance: “just don’t bring a baby to an infertility event. Pizza Hut? Fine? Church? Fine? Supermarket? Fine. Pub? Fine. Café? Fine? Museum? Fine. Stripclub? Fine.”

Just not a fucking infertility context.

No offense taken, imo, OP is being very self centered and giving off vibe having a baby and seeking IVF with your baby is offensive. She can’t control other people, or attendees. She can certainly choose to reframe her reactions & feelings, she does have control.

I've gone through secondary infertility and IVF.

I didn't take my son to the clinic, or early pregnancy unit, because I'm not a dick. It's well known in infertility circles you keep babies away from these spaces. This will be why there was just the one baby in a room with a likely sizeable proportion of women with secondary infertility.

Most women will be processing a recent realisation that they are not going to get pregnant naturally, they don't need to hear a giggling baby while they are hearing about IVF FFS.

For maternity scans you almost always can't bring a child in with you, you need to sort childcare. It's the same here, except they didn't really need to go at all. There are other ways to find out the information.

I apologise if it was offensive. I just don't think it's fair to exclude new parents from an event relating to babies.
I said that she should complain and share her views with the organisers if she feels strongly about it.
I wasn't trying to be horrible though so sorry if it seemed like that x

New parents aren’t being excluded.

Even if secondary infertility might be an issue, taking a baby to an event like this is so horribly, horribly tone deaf. Sorry this happened, @Butterbly, and sending hugs xxx

No one's suggesting that although it does beg the question of why someone with a young baby would be attending an infertility event unless maybe they have adopted a new born

Can you not appreciate that there's a difference between events relating to babies and infertility conferences?

Maybe babies could attend abortion clinics and miscarriage wards in hospitals too

Nobody is saying that. But this was a fertility show. If you can’t be safe from other people”s babies at a place like that where can you be? Do people struggling with infertility not deserve safe spaces?

I get it now, thank you. I suppose I was imagining the person with the baby couldn't get childcare but still has the right to be there? But yeah it clearly is rather inappropriate.

You can’t control her either, so maybe stop trying?

Maybe their baby is adopted and they were deciding if IVF was for them?

I think it’s insensitive of them to bring their baby to an event about infertility. Their child is still a baby and most wouldn’t think of a second at that point. The dad should’ve stayed home with the baby. Mum should’ve gone to the event alone or with a friend, family member.

@Butterblycompletely agree with you, and this.

The stuff you were hearing about is an incredibly emotive and difficult situation, not the place for a baby. Honestly MN is barshit a lot of the time these days.

Sending you all the love and luck for it to all work out.

(Had a long infertility journey, IVF, TFMR. Now have a baby and wouldn’t be taking it to this sort of event even with secondary infertility!)

Babies are aloud at my church, no one bats an eyelid when they’re making a noise
why are you miffed about a baby going to an IVF conference, when the whole point of IVF is to create babies? Seems fitting a baby would be aloud to go

I think you need to feed it back to them and let them decide a policy for future events.

You honestly, HONESTLY, can’t see the difference?

If someone was widowed and went to a group therapy session about family/spousal bereavement and someone showed up with their very much alive spouse, do you see how that’s upsetting? Showing up with your spouse at church, not triggering because CONTEXT.

I once went to a quiet retreat day at a convent run by some nuns and someone brought a baby. The baby was not quiet. I fed back that I thought it was inappropriate. I think you would be reasonable to do the same.