Things that don’t bother you that seem a big deal to other people

[Yesttte]

Lighthearted really but I honestly can’t understand why anyone would feel precious about a friend forgetting their birthday. My very best friend has forgot a couple of times and it’s more funny than anything else. But other people seem up in arms about things like this.

Weddings… I couldn’t give a shit if someone couldn’t make my wedding or posted a photo too soon or whatever else. I’m amazed people care about this stuff.

Obviously there’s plenty I’m highly strung about though! 😅

I'm not bothered about what the people I don't know sitting on another table are wearing, either. I don't even notice. Ditto food shopping. I couldn't care less if somebody's in Tesco's in their PJs, I am in there to get my shopping.

Skid marks. Obviously not if it's huge volumes of sticky poo that didn't flush, but a couple of small brown marks that reveal that this toilet has been used for shitting in within the last 24 hours, meh. It gets cleaned often enough, and unlike many people I actually unclip the seat and clean that from time to time too, along with its attachment points.

No, you haven't

No, you haven’t.

I mean… sometimes friends do need more attention than your partner if they’re having a tough time or you and the friend are trying to plan a holiday or something. Both my partner and I sometimes ignore each other to stare at our phones and message other people! He doesn’t need my full undivided attention 100% of the time.

I’ve also got no idea who he’s messaging or what sex they are or what plans he’s making (and the same in reverse). If either of us arrange something with a friend we let the other know once the plans are made. “By the way, I’m having dinner with Susan on Tuesday”. But as for the amount of conversation with Susan that preceded the plan, I’ve no idea. He doesn’t know how much or little I might be messaging friends either because our private conversations with other people aren’t each other’s business.

So when people on this thread say they’re not bothered about emotional affairs I think this is what we mean - stuff we consider normal friend interaction that others on MN don’t.

This. A partner watering the plant of the “friendship” when completely ignoring the need to water the plant with their spouse.

I agree with your list, OP, and with other pps.

Am totally baffled by the modern obsession with making a massive, Hollywood-style fuss over every rite of passage. Hen dos in particular seem to the the work of the devil, from what I read on MN! But then I hate being the centre of attention, so I would think that.

Although I'm a SPAG fusspot I never mind split infinitives. I just don't get what the problem is (I have a degree in English). To boldly go etc is fine by me.

I hardly ever take photos. OK - I'm lazy and I may regret this but I think so many people nowadays fail to live in the moment. The minute their child appears on the school stage, or they arrive at a holiday destination - out comes the phone and they're taking shots and videos. Put it away and experience life at first hand!

And this one will not make me any friends (sorry). Travel. I can take or leave travel, which is tantamount to heresy in the 21st century. And I don't want to hear about other people's travels, thank you. If you've tramped through the virgin rainforest or walked to the South Pole - maybe. But I've suffered so many people's holiday photos and had to sit through so many dinner party conversations about holidays, deals on airline tickets, hotels, excursions.....aaaarrrhhhgggg! I don't talk about my own travels - if someone asks, I'll answer briefly, but fail to understand how anyone else can give a hoot.

Toilet seat down
using a towel more than once

Ive also seen it said on here that if two people of the opposite sex go for dinner together everyone will look at them and think they’re dating and it’s therefore inappropriate for partners to go for dinner with opposite sex friends because it’s a “date”. I can’t say I’ve ever speculated about what kind of relationship fellow diners might have (unless it’s one of those really mismatched pairs that could be father and daughter or woman and sugar daddy. But that’s just idle nosiness!)

No, that's you talking about friendships.

My DH can talk to who he wants about what he wants and see whichever friends he wants, whenever suits

But if he starts planning things with another woman and not telling me that's where he's going or who he is seeing, there's a reason for that. There's a reason those ones are hidden.

Emotional affairs are affairs without the physical side of it. And so they're hidden. Friendships are not hidden.

Also, you’re supposed to merge in turn at the point where the lane ends, not miles back, so the people “pushing in” are actually the ones doing it right!

Yep. Zipper merging. If everyone took turns and just slotted in like the teeth of a zip, we'd have less backed up roads where there's a merge or roadworks.

No clearly not since that poster says they like to have one shower between 10 and 5 meaning 10am and 5pm.

"DH gets really grumpy if he doesn't have his morning shower, I like to have one at any point between 10 and 5 depending on what I'm doing for the day, and I can skip one depending on how I feel/activities/the weather without making a fuss"

Family time.

I see so many women wanting the family to be together on weekends but nobody has plans. It's like the women just want their husbands home twiddling their thumbs.

What plans are you expecting them to have?

We spend a lot of time in our garden as a family. DD loves helping with the gardening, if it's warm enough we'll cook and eat out there. Doesn't involve a lot of plans.

We live next to a nature reserve and have an active dog. Often we'll go for a walk, do a bit of "adventuring" or collect flowers/leaves/pinecones/stones. Do a bit of painting at home. Cook a nice dinner.

Family time doesn't have to mean the zoo or theme park. It's just being together.

Why is that "twiddling their thumbs"? Where would you rather the DH was?

And why is it women specifically you think are he culprits here? Do no men you know like their family?

God yes. And people who use the phrase “we prefer to do things as a family”. Like the people who stop their kids going on school trips because everything has to be done with the family or not at all.

Unbearably stifling. Kids from families like this leave home as soon as they are able to.

Noisy kids playing out in the street and even (gasp!) the odd bash from a football on the wall or fence or having to chuck one back over for them. Doesn't bother me at all.

I'm just glad they're out in the fresh air and they are always lovely when they ask for a ball back.

Yeah that's terrible, everyone should have some independence, kids included.

But spending time as a family at home isn't some big controlling awful thing. It can just be nice.

Travelling solo or going to the theatre/ cinema on your own. I love it.

Me too!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · Today 13:21

ZoggyStirdust · Today 13:20
Also, you’re supposed to merge in turn at the point where the lane ends, not miles back, so the people “pushing in” are actually the ones doing it right!
Show quote history
Yep. Zipper merging. If everyone took turns and just slotted in like the teeth of a zip, we'd have less backed up roads where there's a merge or roadworks.

Confession of a dim driver: it was only a couple of years ago that I understood what 'Merge in turn' meant. I was looking for the turn in the road where we were supposed to merge...I think it should say 'Take turns to merge'.

I did always merge properly, alternately, though, like a zip, But it was like a light-bulb going on when i realised what the instruction actually meant...oh dear. Not proud....

It’s funny when you are out of step with people who are normally likeminded.

A friend arranged a night out then most of the other mums declined because it was the day all our kids (about 9/10) got back from a residential. Honestly did not occur to me that was a reason to stay in! Was I expected to gaze in rapture at Dd from the 4pm pick up all evening because she’d been away for 3 days?! The perfectly capable husbands were in all evening. So that clearly bothered them but not me!

Gosh yes.

I mentioned something similar earlier.

Basically I will never understand people who complain about other people not spending enough time with them. My dad does this about his siblings like there is some unwritten rule that family have to spend time together.

Other peoples time does not belong to you, and time spent with you is a gift exchanged. I choose who I want to spend my time with. And you can be damn certain that the amount of time I gift you is a reflection on whether I determine you to be a good receiver of my time and vice versa!

Yes… our book club does the same. We can’t arrange a meetup for example on the last night of school holidays…. Because …. Why????

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

But spending time as a family at home isn't some big controlling awful thing. It can just be nice.

Of course it is if it’s natural but if it’s forced it’s not and if you prevent your spouse and kids from doing anything else at weekends it’s just going to make them want to escape.

A lot of people on here seem to regard being invited to anything social at the weekends as a rude intrusion into “family time” as if it was dangerous. Hanging out with friends and introducing some variety into your social life is going to improve your family life not harm it.

Exactly! Makes me feel like a mean mum but mentioned it to Dd at the time and she thought it was mad too. Particularly as our family are sociable introverts so we need quiet time after something intensely social like a school trip!