Things that don’t bother you that seem a big deal to other people

[Yesttte]

Lighthearted really but I honestly can’t understand why anyone would feel precious about a friend forgetting their birthday. My very best friend has forgot a couple of times and it’s more funny than anything else. But other people seem up in arms about things like this.

Weddings… I couldn’t give a shit if someone couldn’t make my wedding or posted a photo too soon or whatever else. I’m amazed people care about this stuff.

Obviously there’s plenty I’m highly strung about though! 😅

Do you have kids though? Presumably you’re teaching them/have taught them table manners if so?

We sometimes plan in a weekend that's just for family time. But it's usually because we've gone weeks (or know we're going to go weeks) where one or other of us is working overtime or has plans outside of the family. So we do it to make sure we get it, because we all enjoy it.

But then I suppose we're lucky enough that both DH and I would take a family day at home over most other things, whereas I do have friends whose partners have to be made stay home or have a family day out, or they'd never see their kids.

I think you're missing the point.

It's in response to the OPs on MN who complain about their DP or other family members wanting to do something and the OP complaining that 'AIBU to think this should be family time?' so ring-fencing time without anything in particular planned as sacrosanct and nothing else can be suggested.

"DP wants to go on a bike-ride with his friends for a few hours this weekend. AIBU to think this should be family time?"

"DP wants to go out for a drink after work on Friday, after a busy week AIBU to think this should be family time?"

"MIL wants us to come over for Sunday lunch, we're so busy in the week with work and the childrens activities and house chores on Saturday so I say no as Sunday is 'family time' and DP is now annoyed"

What other people use to protect their feet from broken glass and dog shit. Why get all wound up about someone wearing crocs?

When someone decides to join a cafe or pub table uninvited and after a short polite chat I say sorry I need to go. I've been told on a few occasions that I can't just leave people on their own-apparently it's rude. It first happened abroad and I thought it might have been a cultural difference but the same thing has been said to me in the UK.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

I can completely relate to that, I love a quiet weekend.

What I meant is those families who regard social contact with inherent suspicion as though wanting to spend time with people other than your spouse and children was a subversive and improper activity.

Tberes a surprising amount of it on here. I remember one thread once where a poster was really affronted about being asked to lunch at her boss’s house, as if it were a gross invasion of privacy.

Yeah they're extreme.

Weekends do tend to be "family time" for us cos of work, but that doesn't mean we can't do anything else.

And if I don't wanna spend time with someone else, I just tell DH that (reference to the MIL one).

I do wonder though if when many of those women say "this should be family time" when what they mean is "DH should be here so I'm not the only one parenting for a bit".

Making packed lunches for my kids. Takes 10 minutes max.

Taking in packages for neighbours. No bother at all.

Getting thank you cards for wedding gifts. Not arsed. Similarly, being asked for cash for a wedding gift. Awesome - much easier for me!

Loads to do with babies. I may be remembering wrong as mine are teens now and obviously we all want what’s best for our children but lots of my friends seems so uptight and precious about everything to do with raising children now. I feel like they are terrified of being judged if they don’t do everything Instagram perfectly.

Wedding Anniversaries. I can't be bothered with my own, let alone anyone else's. I've been married to my DH for a very long time and with him for even longer and my lack of enthusiasm for anniversaries has only grown in that time. Fortunately, it's matched by his. I think a lot of it is about the nature of being married/in a civil partnership. It's a private state, and so are the reasons we got married. It wasn't so that we could celebrate a particular (and very privileged) lifestyle choice. I'll send a card for a landmark anniversary, but otherwise no and I'm more than happy if people don't reciprocate. On the other hand, I don't mind if other people see it differently; it's just that anniversaries don't mean anything to me.

When it comes to birthdays, however, I love them, mine and other people's. Birthdays are about you as an individual and how lucky the world is to have you as part of it. That's definitely something to celebrate. 🎂🍾🎊

Taking in parcels for neighbours.
What's the problem FGS?
We're the local collection point for our entire cul-de-sac as everyone knows we work from home/are on-call 24/7 and there's always someone here.

There's 57 houses on my street, should I take in parcels for them all because I WFH?

With how often I see our Evri van, I'd not actually get any work done.

If they know you’re usually home you end up being up and down like a yo-yo some days, though. Quite disruptive if you’re trying to wfh.

Mobile phones in school. Kids should learn how to use them appropriately.

Mums of small children being on their phone instead of interacting with their kids 24/7. Let them have a break fgs.

Teenagers mucking about and being using their voice inappropriately. You’re only young once and the teenage years are great for pushing boundaries so you know where they are as an adult.

That’s bizarre! Of course it’s not rude.

Totally agree on the wedding anniversaries!

I am, however, fussed about birthdays in the opposite way from many MN-ers. I can't BEAR to have my birthday acknowledged, and find it very hurtful and disrespectful if people disregard my wishes on the matter. To me, a birthday isn't about celebrating a person's existence, but about making a big deal of the fact that they're officially a year older.

Party bags for kids (don't bother no one needs and a waste of resources)
Making home made cakes for kids birthdays (just buy one unless you love making cakes)
Big fuss on adult birthdays (who cares, really?)

I see a birthday theme here 😂

Posh/expensive buggies or any kids stuff - the kids don't care. Who are you trying to impress?

I agree with most of it. Except the fuss on adult birthdays.

But! That's only from my DH. I expect him to make a fuss of me. Because he knows I enjoy my birthday. And it's not about presents or expensive meals out or whatever. Just a lie in (these things don't happen often for either of us), make me a coffee, either cook my favourite thing / what I really fancy (last one he made his legendary home made double stacked burgers and they were amazing and hit a proper spot), get me a cake, make sure DD has written (drawn in) a card.

You know, remind me I'm special. He's pretty good at making sure everything doesn't fall to me, but it's a good excuse for him to remember he's lucky (joking!!).

I’m not bothered by:

• Social media posts, likes etc
• Other people’s lifestyle choices, unless they badly affect me
• Mushrooms
• Not hearing from a friend for a while, unless I’m worried about them
• Spiders
• Religion, though I’m an atheist, unless it’s forced on people

I am bothered by:

• Men leaving up the toilet seat/lid
• Nose-picking in my presence
• Cars
• Discrimination
• Labyrinthine phone triage services, that (after pressing 2, 4, 3, 1, 4) bring me to a recorded message with info I should/could get online
• Climate change and all it’s shitty causes

@ToWhitToWhoo Now knowing that, I'd back right off. It's no treat for you if you aren't comfortable with it and those persisting are indulging themselves - they certainly aren't pleasing you.

Now, you're of course entitled to feel how you feel, but if I was your friend I'd respect your wishes completely, but definitely think you were strange. I've never met anyone who thinks a loving friend is being negative by reminding you that you're older, rather than as Tortie says they are celebrating how wonderful you are. Birthdays are to tell people how much you care for them/ love having them in your life & to spend time together. In fact, I smile as I'm reminded of my lovely friends when I use, or see, something they've bought me for my birthday.

Different strokes, and all that, but to think a birthday is negative is an out-lying point of view surely?

Oh yes the illusive family time never must plans that do not include all three of us happen on a weekend because FAMILY TIME.
Nope!
Don't get me wrong, not out constantly but if a friend wants to go for a coffee or I want to go to the supermarket we don't all need to go for the event.

See also family shopping tripsd
Don't get me wrong sometimes it is genuinely a family outting - all need new specs, all need whatever they might need but if I just need to pop to Primark my toddler doesn't need to be dragged along for the journey!
I know for some if they can't drive etc it's a unavoidable but I know people who literally drags everyone just for the wonder round town.
No.
And no I will not pander to my toddler with what shape do you want your sandwich it comes in sandwich shape.
And no I will not be making shapes from any vegetables.

I'd have to wear chain mail if I did that-all my pegs are stainless steel!

Driving. Don't care for it. Have never wanted to learn.
Babies crying on planes, just doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I am completely unbothered by:

Whether people who serve me in shops are smiley or not.

Whether my doctor / gynaecologist / nurse / radiographer is a man or a woman.

How other people choose to take their tea, pronounce the word ‘scone’, hang their toilet rolls etc.

Anything that other consenting adults do / enjoy in bed.

What other people wear. This includes people wearing thong bikinis or scrunch bum shorts in leisure centres, which really seems to upset a lot of people on Mumsnet.

My partner watching porn (I don’t know if he does or not, but I don’t care).

People posting loved up stuff, holiday photos, kids etc on social media.

Influencers. They’re just doing a job and nobody has to follow them.

People having preferred pronouns.

Rats. Provided they’re not inside my house, they’re not bothering me.

Wasps. See above.

Marriage.

Ultra processed food. I mostly cook from scratch because I enjoy it, but also don’t think I’d die if I ate a packet of Monster Munch and a Twix every day.

Dark humour.

How someone living on benefits chooses to spend their money.

Gaming. Not a gamer myself but it seems like as a valid a hobby as any to me.

My partner’s time consuming hobby.