Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

And I was put in that shit situation due to BIL focusing on his magazine rather than his child. I stepped in because I didn’t want nephew to get a second whack in.

I would much rather have carried on sitting on my arse. I got no pleasure from having to tell off my nephew (and that having caused an issue)

Ideally, not at all, when the parents are there, but if they don't, then "Aunty " may have to, and "Aunty" may do it wrong. Rule for parents, act on your kids behaviour when in other people's houses based on the rules of that house, not your own.

If you didn't yank his arm why do you use the word "snitched" in your initial post? That word alone implies you thought your behaviour was a tad out of order in the first place. And 4 months from 3 is not nearly 3 - a month is a very long time for development at that age.

BIL should have been supervising.

You were overly aggressive with a small child.

SIL is not at fault, she wasn't even in the room.

You do need to take some responsibility for supervising your dog while the child is staying with your parents, even though it's not your child. The child is their grandchild and entitled to visit. It's annoying for you, but you're benefitting from living with them.

I have relatives with a dog and a young child and I dislike staying with them as, every time I need to shower, go to the loo or even pop out of the room, I need to work out where the dog is, work out where the child is and specifically ask someone to supervise them closely. I am made to feel annoying and like I'm making a fuss, but I do it to avoid incidents like this. If I were your sister, I would be thinking twice about staying in future, since essentially it means I have to be within arms-reach of my child for the whole visit since you're all a bit useless (including BIL).

It's not her house. It's their parents house, which the sisters child has as much right to be in as the op clearly when their mother is telling the op to apologise.

Don't be so disingenuous. "How would you like it if I hit you" is in no possible universe a threat.

This. You do seem quite angry.

Ask your sister why, if her son was treated so brutally, his other parent didn't step in or say a word to cruel auntie?

It sounds as though your response was possibly slightly robust, but I don't really blame you. You were looking after your baby. Your brother-in-law wasn't looking after his.

I don’t think you did anything wrong
kid shouldn’t have hit the dog

I would probably make a sarcastic apology that Im sooooo sorry BIL couldn’t be bothered to parent his own kid and leave it at that

your dog is old and was sleeping the kids lucky dear dog didn’t nip him

he is still 2

I think the more of your responses I read, the more I agree with your sister about not wanting you around her child. You seem determined not to listen to the other point of view and I would be worried about how much more shouting and grabbing you were going to carry out. You should be modelling good behaviour to the 2 year old - sounds like you behaved worse than him - and you should definitely know better.

The dog was lying on the sofa not moving - how is supervision of the dog an issue here?

I agree.

I’ve been characterised as an abuser and having threatened my very young nephew.

Yes, my back is up.

I’’m sure noons on here has lost their cool with their child.

This was not even my child. Their parent who was “on duty” did nothing then moaned about me behind my back.

I ran up to the dog/toddler cause I didn’t want a second whack to happen.

So because your BIL behaved badly, it’s ok that you did too?

Yanking a babies arm? Getting ‘cross’ by your own admission.

I think you need to reflect on the situation properly. Even your replies scream you were over the top and it’s everybody else fault.

Starling a sleeping dog could have ended in disaster, no matter the age/breed, the child needs to learn to stay away from the dog if he is sleeping. I’d rather you’d had sharp words with my child than he’s been bitten.

His dad should have been paying attention.

You sound a bit stroppy, are you still hungover?

It’s not 2yo fault and he shouldn’t have had his arm yanked. Parents should have been watching

I’m sick of people saying I yanked his arm. I held it to prevent him hitting the dog in the face a second time.

@Never2many I must help rehome around 10 Goldies a year (I’m very involved in my local breed rescue) and almost all are rehomed because of a ‘bite’ on a young child. Usually code for ‘child tormented, poked or otherwise acted inappropriately around the dog and the dog got fed up.’

You’re 100% spot on. It’s awful how many parents fail to parent their children around dogs and then the dog suffers as a result.

He might know he's supposed to be gentle, but that doesn't mean he's always capable of impulse control all of the time. He's 2. That's the exact reason my 2 year old has never been alone with my lovely dog.

Yes, his dad should have been watching. But it sounds like you reacted angrily or even aggressively to a very small child. That's completely inappropriate.

If you choose to benefit from living at home to save up for a house, you need to treat your parents guests with respect. It doesn't matter if you like kids or want them, you need to either remove yourself from the room when children are visiting, or treat them nicely (even if they do something wrong).

With a two year old you calmly explain and show him how to stroke Lucky with his gentle hands. Your expectation that he knows better is not developmentally appropriate - particularly if he’s not used to pets. Saying that, it’s not like you went ballistic and his dad was in the room and he could have done some parenting.

Was the nephew upset and is that why the dad has said what happened? If the child was upset I would sympathise especially if the way you spoke to him is harsher than the way his mum would be if he’s stepped out of line.

Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?

Yes, your BIL should clearly have been supervising your nephew but at the risk of stating the blindingly obvious, you also had a separate and stand-alone responsibility to supervise any possible interactions between a child and your dog. It’s your dog. You don’t just get to have a dog and expect other people to supervise all the potential interactions between the dog and children, without any involvement from you. Whether it’s in his own house with your nephew or in the park with children you’ve never met before, it is absolutely your responsibility to risk assess and make sure that there are no interactions that could lead him to snap at a child, especially bearing in mind that that child is 2 (not almost 3 at all) and will almost definitely behave unpredictably. It’s really quite something that you were laying hungover on the sofa not paying any attention to the potential interaction and then blamed a 2 year old for it?! Along with the tone of your responses on this thread, it’s not a huge surprise that your family are exasperated.

You sound really mean tbh. Even from your own description, you were horrible to a 2 year old (2 and 2/3 isn't as close to 3 as you seem to think). He's a tiny child. If I was your sis I'd stay away too and also be really sad about your obvious dislike of your nephew.