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Original poster

Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

994 replies

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:06

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

My setup works quite well thanks. Many people in the south live with their parents whilst they save for a house deposit.

Some people are being quite rude

OP posts:
babasaclover · 10/05/2025 06:29

Little darlings who are never told no become awful adults

what you did was absolutely fine. Much better than the dog snapping which he would probably do if repeated. A nearly 3 year old shouldn’t be hitting a dog. BIL - dick move

Eenameenadeeka · 10/05/2025 06:29

KurtansCurtain · 10/05/2025 06:23

A sleeping dog should be left alone, whether the kid has “gentle hands” or not

Show quote history

Cool. You can still say "Please leave Lucky, he's asleep right now." rather than what she said.

3ormorecharacters · 10/05/2025 06:30

You seem to have already decided you were in the right, it's very hard for anyone else to know having only one version of events to go off. I'd just try and move on - tell your sister that you apologise if you overreacted, you just aren't used to being around young children, were hungover and worried for the dog. Tell her that in the future you'll leave the parenting to her and BIL (hint) but would appreciate it of they'd keep an extra close eye on the toddlers behaviour around the dog. Then move on.

MinPinSins · 10/05/2025 06:30

You threatened to hit her 2 year old (2 years 8 months is not 'almost 3') in the face. Of course she's pissed off. I don't know why you continued after you'd said 'we do not throw things at lucky' and removed the coaster, which would have been perfectly reasonable.

Her partner absolutely should have been supervising better, and that's on them, but I do sympathise with them, as it's not like they can choose to avoid visiting the dog unless they also avoid seeing the grandparents too.

FWIW, I have both an elderly dog and a toddler myself, so I know what it's like.

babasaclover · 10/05/2025 06:30

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:29

My setup works quite well thanks. Many people in the south live with their parents whilst they save for a house deposit.

Some people are being quite rude

Show quote history

@BlondiePortz she is saving to move out.

the sister being independent??? What by combining two salaries and being able to move out? Get real 😂

AliBaliBee1234 · 10/05/2025 06:31

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:19

I was hungover on the sofa and had not been told to watch my nephew. His actual parent was in the room. Not my job. But obviously I keep an eye out for my nephew if he is near me. I have no problem looking after him when asked but his father should be the one parenting. Just cause I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’m the default .

Show quote history

Please stop rambling on about the Dad to excuse what you did. All parents miss things.

You were mean to a 2 year old who didn't mean any harm and wouldn't understand your reaction.

I would never leave my son with you if I was your sister. Your responses are defensive and show lack of understanding towards children.

SendBooksAndTea · 10/05/2025 06:32

MinPinSins · 10/05/2025 06:30

You threatened to hit her 2 year old (2 years 8 months is not 'almost 3') in the face. Of course she's pissed off. I don't know why you continued after you'd said 'we do not throw things at lucky' and removed the coaster, which would have been perfectly reasonable.

Her partner absolutely should have been supervising better, and that's on them, but I do sympathise with them, as it's not like they can choose to avoid visiting the dog unless they also avoid seeing the grandparents too.

FWIW, I have both an elderly dog and a toddler myself, so I know what it's like.

Asking what how he would like it is not a threat, it's making him aware that others, including dogs, have feelings. Basic parenting should definitely teach this.

Pippa12 · 10/05/2025 06:32

Nobody needs telling the dog needs to be left alone, nor that the dad should of intervened.
2 year old do daft things, they are babies. Thats why you don’t leave them unsupervised.

However, your replies are aggressive and defensive. Makes me think your actions were likely aggressive and over the top too.

ShroudedOrchard · 10/05/2025 06:33

Your reaction was a bit OTT
Sister definitely over reacting by refusing to visit
Your mum shouldn’t be picking sides
The only one not over reacting is the dog!

LandSharksAnonymous · 10/05/2025 06:33

@AliBaliBee1234 failing to parent your child around big dog is not ‘missing something’ - it’s bloody shit parenting.

AliBaliBee1234 · 10/05/2025 06:34

Never2many · 10/05/2025 06:28

To all the precious parents who don’t think their little darlings should be spoken to harshly, if the dog had retaliated and snapped at the child you would no doubt be calling for it to be destroyed because it was “dangerous” and “bit a child.”

And this is the thing. The majority of dogs who end up biting children do so because they’ve been provoked. Because so many children don’t treat animals properly and the majority of those children’s parents fail to supervise them properly, or think that it’s cute that the child crawls all over the dog or pulls its ears or tail, and then it’s the dog which pays the price for the parents’ stupidity.

Children need to be brought up to treat animals with respect from day1, and it needs to be done. Harshly if necessary because it only takes one wrong move for everything to go wrong.

These are animals, not toys, and the possibility for retaliation is real.

Better that the OP tell the child off than the dog turn and bite him.

Except ... this is not how children that age learn. He is 2!

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:34

Unrelated38 · 10/05/2025 06:16

So 2. The number before 3 is 2. You threatened a 2 year old. 🤣

For future reference, you take the coaster away nicely and say "no that's not kind, it hurts, we don't hurt animals."

You don't grab at children, or shout a them. Or threaten to hit them.

Personally I wouldn't be leaving my child unsupervised around you.

Edited
Show quote history

I'm sure she'll be very glad if from now on they supervise their child around her. And when she isn't around.

If you don't want people who don't have kids to speak more angrily to your children than you would like, monitor them yourself and step in before they fel they have to. Always a good idea.

hockityponktas · 10/05/2025 06:35

Your words weren’t ideal but probably you said them in shock/fear that dog would react/upset that your dog had been hurt. I’ve said (and I’m sure many others have) similar in tense situations.

He shouldn’t have been near sleeping dog in the first place so BIL should have told him to come away before he managed to hit him. “Don’t go near the dog, he’s asleep” should’ve been said long before he got the chance to hit him.

“come away, we do not hit dogs, it’s not kind” would have been enough. His parents would’ve been even more unhappy if the dog reacted.

Mothership4two · 10/05/2025 06:35

It sounds like you were a bit heavy handed OP, which is not OK (especially with a two year old) and your BIL not parenting (also not OK) doesn't make your behaviour acceptable. Sounds like you are making excuses.

For your parent's sake (who are doing you a favour) I'd just apologise.

If you are just going to be defensive on here then I am not sure what the point of this thread was.

I am a animal loving dog owner

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:35

AliBaliBee1234 · 10/05/2025 06:34

Except ... this is not how children that age learn. He is 2!

Show quote history

Good. People who don't have kids may not know that. The father should have acted before someone who didn't understand how 2 year olds learn felt they had to.

Pippa12 · 10/05/2025 06:36

This isn’t about the shit parenting tho, that’s a given.

It’s about how an Aunty ‘disciplines’ their 2 year old nephew.

curtaintwitcher78 · 10/05/2025 06:36

Yeah according to half of MN you should have said "Darling I know you're having a lot of feelings right now, but we don't use coasters for hitting, I'm sure Rover didn't appreciate that." Kid's still none the wiser.
Word soup doesn't always work. Kid would have just kept hitting the dog on the head for a reaction. You did him a favour. They should be keeping an eye on him anyway. People with violent tendencies towards animals from a young age and all that..

Tiredmomma86 · 10/05/2025 06:37

Never2many · 10/05/2025 06:28

To all the precious parents who don’t think their little darlings should be spoken to harshly, if the dog had retaliated and snapped at the child you would no doubt be calling for it to be destroyed because it was “dangerous” and “bit a child.”

And this is the thing. The majority of dogs who end up biting children do so because they’ve been provoked. Because so many children don’t treat animals properly and the majority of those children’s parents fail to supervise them properly, or think that it’s cute that the child crawls all over the dog or pulls its ears or tail, and then it’s the dog which pays the price for the parents’ stupidity.

Children need to be brought up to treat animals with respect from day1, and it needs to be done. Harshly if necessary because it only takes one wrong move for everything to go wrong.

These are animals, not toys, and the possibility for retaliation is real.

Better that the OP tell the child off than the dog turn and bite him.

This basically. If it was my child personally I’d be happy that the OP had intervened before anything nasty had happened which would have been far more traumatic for the child and dog. (Shocking thing to say I know but most dogs who bite don’t want to, they end up doing it out of necessity as they can’t say no don’t hit me, I don’t like that)!

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:37

Mothership4two · 10/05/2025 06:35

It sounds like you were a bit heavy handed OP, which is not OK (especially with a two year old) and your BIL not parenting (also not OK) doesn't make your behaviour acceptable. Sounds like you are making excuses.

For your parent's sake (who are doing you a favour) I'd just apologise.

If you are just going to be defensive on here then I am not sure what the point of this thread was.

I am a animal loving dog owner

Edited

Why should the OP know how to deal with a two year old? The father's inaction caused her to act. You say it "doesn't make it ok" but her action was entirely consequential on the inaction.

Hercisback1 · 10/05/2025 06:37

For the sake of family peace I'd probably give an apology that isn't an apology. Eg "I'm sorry if you feel that I upset nephew".

tuesday2am · 10/05/2025 06:37

The dad should have been paying more attention and parenting his child, but you were definitely OTT. Communicating like that with a 2 year old is pointless.

He’s also not “nearly 3”. He’s 2.

AliBaliBee1234 · 10/05/2025 06:38

LandSharksAnonymous · 10/05/2025 06:33

@AliBaliBee1234 failing to parent your child around big dog is not ‘missing something’ - it’s bloody shit parenting.

Your only hearing her one, defensive side of the story ...

Rabidbunnyrabbit · 10/05/2025 06:38

You've got an arsey sounded answer for everything which makes me think you were much more aggressive than you claim

Is the mother pissed because the BABY has a bruised arm, I wonder.

Ignore or deny, your choice.

ABrandNewFamily · 10/05/2025 06:38

Better a slightly OTT reaction than a dog bite