Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

I'm not sure what you advocating - are you saying small children shouldn't ever be allowed in the living room if a family has dogs?

I don’t think it’s vigorous debate at all.

I’m just sick of seeing AIBU threads where the OP is unwavering in their belief that they are not the unreasonable one and won’t take any criticism or feedback. What is the point of seeking different views if they’re clearly not wanted?

They aren’t necessarily “seeking different opinions.” The aibu part is rhetorical; it’s just a rant.

No, not sure how you came to that conclusion. Im just saying, in this case, as its only a visit, and if the op wants dog to be kept safe, and toddler needs to be kept safe, what is wrong with closing a door for a short while during visit? Or at least untill mum or dad can be 100 % present. So if my brother visits with his dog, and im busy making dinner, i ask him can you take the dog to another room as im busy right now? And i would not depend on or expect him to supervise the kids with his dog, and he does. When im 100% present again dog comes out kids play etc

What’s so hard about the child’s actual parent watching over them??

We all know it is impossible to do so 100% of the time, no matter how careful you are as a parent.

I came to that conclusion by reading your post, and I am sure if you reread it you will see why it can be read that way. Who has suggested that separating the kid from the dog for a short time isn't something that can be included in the wide variety of things that make up "supervising your children around dogs"? Nobody could possibly be against this as an occasional thing.
The way you are saying it makes it sound like you think the kids and dogs should always be kept apart, and that's why it has been questioned.

No not at all and of course if you live with dogs thats completely unreasonable. We have about 15 dogs in this family between everyone, so common sense and some structure is essential.not all in the house obviously but still, if you are ever in a position where you know you cannot 100 % supervise, just put things in place to make sure everyone is happy and safe.

You were unreasonable. Not for saying something to your nephew but for what you said. Yes he needs to know not to do it but that’s not the way to teach him, I wouldn’t even say that to my almost 5 year old. Even children that are old enough to know don’t always do the right thing, their brains aren’t fully developed for a long time yet and they often make silly choices.
You asked whether what you said was unreasonable, a lot of people have said it was and all you’ve done it argue with them. That shows you weren’t really asking for opinions, you were asking for people to back you up and are angry that some people’s opinions are different to yours.
Yes the father should have been watching but that doesn’t justify what you said to the child. He also probably didn’t say anything to you at the time because he was afraid of causing issues with you when you’re not his family so told your sister instead so she could decide whether to raise it with you. Judging by your reactions here, he was justified in that. YTA.

And sitting on your arse ignoring the child hitting a dog waiting for the dog to bite back isn't giving even 10% 🙄

I think you should grow up a bit and not be so overly aggressive towards a child. You can say no and remove him from the pet but you sound overall very childish.

Whos to say the Father wasnt just about to open his mouth or sweep in to do/say something if his SIL had not jumped in and handled the situation in a ver y heavy handed manner.

He needs to be a bit quicker if an animal is involved! No doubt if the poor dog had bitten the kid he’d have been quick to speak up and blame the dog.

Give me a break!

No but really who is to say, the only person who could know that is the BIL, and it probably explains why he and his wife are so annoyed at. OP.

O cer i grafu y coc oen, na ffafr a dy hunan wir.

I'm with you OP, he needs to know you don't go round hitting animals. That would have made me really cross as well and in the moment i might well have done similar. I can't stand anyone being mean to animals.

It's funny but people are really against gentle parenting on here, but then where someone clearly tell a child that what they're doing is not ok they don't like that either.

Could have been kinder? I’m a mum of 10 and either the OP suitably chastises the brat, or the dog would, which would you prefer??

He didn't exactly rush in did he if the aunt had time to cross the room remove the coaster and tell the child off

Ultimately he was THE parent in the room minimum he should have been doing is talking over the aunt and be a step behind not sitting on his behind then blaming her for not parenting HIS child appropriately

Great response! It’s your nephew…. Family…. I’d have done the same. Although non of my family would ever of done this, they’ve been taught from a young age to respect dogs.

( in fact I probably would of hit the kid over the head with the coaster ) 😂😂😂 ( going to get so much abuse for this but IDGAF)

People wonder why kids get bitten and all sorts…. Poor dog. EDUCATION!!!!!

Wrong thread sorry

I'm with you on this OP, yeh you could have been kinder but the dog could also have torn his face off so you know, he's probably better off being told off by you rather than the dog. I'm always mega strict about the kids being rough with our dog. She loves them and is very protective of them but dogs can be unpredictable and kids need to learn that quickly ,even if it does seem harsh to tell them off sometimes

Then perhaps you, personally, should parent your children rather than leaving it up to others to keep them safe. Soon they’ll be old enough for you to get mad at strangers for telling them not to throw food in a restaurant. And then you’ll graduate to telling their teachers that your child would never, ever do what everyone saw them do, and the real problem was the teacher’s tone.

People are very much against gentle parenting on here, but very much in favor of bullying anyone who shows a degree of vulnerability, so the two cancel out.

Well apparently the child wasn't unsupervised as his father was present, doing nothing