Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

You were totally in the right. Your sister can get over herself.

If you spoke to my 2 year old like that you’d be getting more than a coaster in the face. How inappropriate, with arm grabbing too.

You clearly don’t like children, or understand them. At his age he doesn’t have impulse control or full understanding. Yes to stepping in and stopping him, no to threatening him (you behaved like a petulant teenager).

No, look after your own child instead of leaving it with random childless people who probably won't do things the way you would like. Good plan.

Safety has to come first and you did the right thing stepping in and stopping the behaviour. Some parents are into that never shouting and constantly talking about feelings approach but they can't guarantee that other adults around their children will follow the same philosophy. If they are that concerned about other adults reacting differently to their child's behaviour then they need to supervise more.

My son is this age and would not understand the 'how would you like it if I hit you' concept. I think he would just hear and understand 'i hit you'.
If it were my child I would absolutely grab his arm and be cross with him, to cement in his mind that he mustn't hit the dog. That's how children get bitten. I would talk to your sister and explain you love your nephew and want him to be safe. It doesn't need to be an argument.

It's more shocking that people seem to think its fine to hit a dog in the face with a coaster. OP isn't a parent and doesn't work around children by the sound of it, how the fuck would she know the perfect way to deal with it? Her priority was rightly protecting her elderly dog, the other parent was in the room also and should have stepped in but couldn't be bothered. I love the posts about OP shouldn't be left alone in the future with him, I'm sure she's gutted 😂

Yanked the kid detail is in the title OP

I fear for the pets of the world.

This is how kids end up being bitten by dogs. They’d have had something to say if the dog had snapped (which he was entitled to do if he was sleeping and suddenly someone hits him over the head!)

The parents should be parenting, and, if not, they must accept that other people might have to do it for the safety of their child.

You reacted and dealt with the situation absolutely fine. His dad should have sorted it if he didn’t want you too. Don’t apologise.

I'm sure your 2 year old would learn a great lesson from seeing his mother physically assault anyone that tried to stop him hitting an animal. That would be a child I'd love to know as an adult.

He is a 2 year old baby. He is not nearly 3, 4 months is huge development wise at that age. He would have struggled to understand why you where telling at him. At 3 my kids would have understood more, at 2 and a half much less. He dropped a coaster, he is a baby, have a word with yourself

Do you know what the use of inverted commas mean?

young and stroppy? Give over!

The thing is if the dog had retaliated they’d be hell to pay.
so gentle parent won’t work in this situation.

Can you highlight one post where someone has said its fine to hit a dog in the face with a coaster?

What's the harm then if he didn't understand?

I think it is fine. Of course OP was cross, the child was hitting her dog. Children need to learn that hitting living things will spark an angry reaction. They do need to be a bit frightened. If he hits another dog, it might bite him. If he hits another child, they might wallop him back a lot harder.

All that ‘take the coaster away and say something nicely’ stuff, is confusing. It just tells them hitting is fine and the equivalent of not putting their shoes on when asked. It isn’t fair on the child.

Well done you! So many times children get bitten or growled at by Dogs.My lovely dog is gentle but gets nervous if DC comes up. They ask to stroke her which is fine.your sister is being precious here.BIL sounds a sop he needs to step up as well.

This is a good example of why dogs and very young children don't really mix imo.

Very few people are prepared to step up and provide the level of supervision required. Which imo means being physically between the dog and the child at all times. People say "they're never alone together" or "they're always supervised" but it's rarely enough.

OP has repeatedly said she didn't yank, she held the child's arm while speaking to stop them doing it again. People also calling a 2.5 year old a baby. Come on people are using both termss to emotionally manipulate the response to the situation.

I don't think there was much wrong with your intervention OP. You really just went into too much detail. It's also not mean because a child of that age doesn't really have the intention.
You should've just said no we mustn't hurt lucky, aunty OP is taking that coaster. Tbh I've said to ds before how would you like it if it someone xyz, you're starting to try and teach perspective taking.

I have said to ds in the past how would you like it if someone much bigger than you suddenly ran at you? Would you want to stay and play or would you be scared? (Cat) Your nephew however is probably a little young for this reasoning.

I think you should apologise on this occasion mainly because your parents are letting you live with them and it’s making it difficult for them to see their grandchild.

It’s difficult to tell but it also doesn’t sound that bad- and he is 2. Imagine if the dog had done something like lick the child, or jump up but not cause any harm, and your sister had grabbed the dog and shouted?

And yes best to avoid any physical contact with kids when you’re angry.

Do you understand the use of inverted commas? No? I’ll explain.

the sister accused the OP of yanking her sons arm, but she did not.

There's plenty throughout the thread explaining it away as being fine because of his age, others claiming a reaction was wrong which indicates they don't see it as a problem.

Maybe if more people told their toddler off when they did something bad, instead of ineffective “we use gentle hands” shite, then we wouldn’t be seeing the behaviour problems in kids and young people that are rife today!