Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Then sis can stay next to her precious toddler next time, eh?

we of the village are tired of the criticism. Watch your own kids, then.

So again, never leave toddlers unsupervised around animals. Ever. Parent them 100 percent of the time around animals - or others will have to parent them for you.

If you abdicate your duty as a parent and sit there like a lump of lard while your child hits a dog YOU, the parent are responsible for the child being bitten, frightened or otherwise harmed.

If you weren't even in the room while your lazy lump of a co parent sat and did nothing and said nothing, you don't get to demand apologies. Sister wasn't there, so she can shut her yap.

The lazy lump father should have said something if he was offended, but he didn't bother, just went slinking to his wife to gossip about a nothing burger.

If another adult intervenes in a way you do not like YOU, the parent, are responsible for them having to do that.

YOU the parent are responsible for the safety of your children.

Fortunately, the toddler in this scenario was absolutely fine because fortunately his aunt was there to intervene when he hit a sleeping dog.

As I said before, the OP is not coming back - and she's definitely not apologising to the batshit sister and lazy lump of a father either 😂

Well said, @alwaysamused

In OP’s shoes I’d print that post, hand it to her parents and tell them that S and BIL owe me an apology.

So when sister visits her parents and sister with her family (could be for a weekend, could be for a full day) is she expected to supervise the dog and toddler 24/7? Can they not keep the dog and toddler seperate? Can they not close the door on the dog so toddler cant get in?

Yep totally

The fact you’re laughing about your sister’s reaction to this, but equally want everyone else to understand your reaction to a toddler hitting your dog, is the biggest indication for me that you are not only being unreasonable but that you wouldn’t be left alone with any child of mine. If I was your sister I wouldn’t be looking for an apology but rather some insight and understanding about children (who thinks a toddler can cognitively process being grabbed by an adult, a demand to consider an abstract concept such as a dog’s feelings, and being told they’re mean).

I have an 11year old lab who is enjoying the last of her days on the sofa. My godson is 3.5 but still gets it wrong on occasion when with her. So I get down to my godson’s level and we practice soft kind hands. I can’t imagine grabbing him, saying what you said, and then laughing about the parent’s reaction.
Just thinking about what I’d have done if it were my child… you are very lucky… as I’d have mimicked your response, physically and verbally but at such a strength you’d experience the power dynamic of an adult behaving like that to a two year old.

You want a two year old to understand how we treat others… you’re a grown woman and you don’t seem to grasp how to treat children!

Plenty of responsible parents manage to supervise their offspring around dogs. My parents had a dog before I was born and, when she died, got another one when I was around 2. The dogs were never shut out and they somehow managed to look after me and the dog.

I’m sure if parents with dogs can manage to look after both then this pair can manage for a visit

I’m not disagreeing with either viewpoint, you don’t need to tell me to STFU.

But the fact is the OP has posted an AIBU and then actively argued with everyone who is saying she is YABU. Waste of time if she clearly is adamant she is in the right.

Oh Christ, my whiny, irrational stalker is back 😂

Well done on learning to use appropriate punctation sweetcheeks 😘

But it was obviously a problem for the OP. Therefore would it not be easier for everyone just to keep them separate ? Im the same we have dogs and young children, farm dogs/house dogs/brothers dogs etc, if I cannot be fully supervising 100% at all times, I do make sure children and dogs are seperate.

Wow. Just wow.what is your problem??

If you don't mind, I'll ignore your advice because I think it's nonsensical. If I disagree with someone I want to tell them why, not just post an emoji. That's why I've replied to this instead of just posted an emoji. That's how conversation works.
When you create and pay for your own forum, you can ban me.

It's by arguing with people who have different views that you get to the truth. If everyone just states their opinion and makes no effort to back it up it gets us nowhere. I understand that plenty of people in the social media age think that 1500 people all stating their opinions in 80 words or less is "a vigorous debate", but it really isn't.

Crist or nef ma ise amynedd job gydar pobol ‘ma…. Dim digon o celloedd yn yr ymenydd i dala sgwrs hyd yn oed 🙈🙈🙈 gwbod bo fin arbennig ond sdim ise ti fod cweit mor wyllt amdanai fyd, fydd pobol yn meddwl fod rhwbeth yn bod a ti cariad

I'm with you OP.
A sleeping dog can be unpredictable and an older one more so. Hence the phrase 'let sleeping dogs lie'.....
I too would have probably reacted this way partly out of fear for both the dog and the toddler.
If the other parent was in the room HE should have stepped in at the time, not 'snitched' to your sister.
Apologise if it's causing a family rift but give your reasons that you didnt/don't want your elderly dog blamed if he bites.

Nope ur sister needs to parent her kid. As if the poor dog is a lesser being I'd be raging as well. I have 10yr, 12 Yr and almost 2yr and would never let them behave that way - its always kind hands showing them how to gently stroke- I'd be mortified if my kid did that. I think u reacted perfectly understandably. I wouldn't apologise and ur parents shld be on ur side too

Love it - spot on!

Tell the sister and her wet lettuce of a husband to f*ck off.

Yes, the child’s parents are expected to supervise 24/7. I can’t believe you even asked the question.

The parents were fortunate that OP intervened in this situation because the child’s useless father failed. That should not be necessary.

Dog or no dog, there are plenty of other hazards. Useless lump should not be sitting there reading a magazine when his toddler offspring is nearby. Ever.

Or, if he expects help from the village, don’t be second-guessing and tattling on the villager who actually got off her arse to remove the child from a potential situation.

My point is It is impossible to supervise 100% all of the time, something as simple as turning your back to wash the dishes allows enough time for something to happen. Sitting down to face another person for a conversation is enough of a distraction for something to happen.

Nope. Unacceptable.

Parents are responsible 100 percent of the time. Full stop. Don’t come whining to me that it’s haaaaard. No one is forced to have children.

And if one enlists the help of the village, don’t critique or second guess them.

YANBU. OP, you didn't yank his arm you held it , you didn't threaten to hit him, you simpy tried to make him see his actions were unkind & wrong. I think that is something that needs to be addressed from a young age, as that's when they will take it on board. It's for his own good, how many times do you see in the news little children getting bitten or mauled to death by dogs because adults weren't paying attention.

But what in the world is wrong with making everyone’s life a little bit easier and just closing the door to keep toddler away? Why insist on letting the toddler in and out of the room? Whats so hard about closing a door 😂So for example (not dog related) i visited my brother when DD had just started walking, we live in a bungalo, brother had very very steep stairs. We spent the whole visit walking DD up and down the stairs because she was fascinated by them, could not have a proper conversation with brother, could not sit down for a meal. Next visit, took some stair gates with me- sorted. DD safe, all happy.

I'd fall in the middle here. It is well-nigh impossible for anyone to constantly supervise a child. Accidents can happen to the most careful parents.

However that's the the thing. The more parents who are absolute arses and wail about the fact that their kid might have been frightened by someone pulling them out of the way of a runaway horse, the less people are going to want to do it. And we all need people to do it. And if they do it without actually killing the child, we should say thank you. Not demand public apologies.