Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Saying “how would you like it if I hit you in the face?” to a toddler isn’t normal. Hope this helps.

I literally typed what does “if I do x” mean into AI and got this response:

If I do this" is a conditional statement. It means you are suggesting a potential action ("this") and its possible consequence.

Thanks but I don't need to rely on AI to understand that the op had no intention of hitting.

Yes she had no intention of hitting him. But she suggested to a 2 year old that she might hit him in the face.
The 2 year old does not know her intentions, and the context of the relationship is a very significant power differential. That is why what she said was not ok.

No. She helped him understand it isn't nice to hit. That's it.

Why can't the dog get off the sofa

That’s literally not how the English language works. One is a question (rhetorical some might say) designed to make someone think and empathise. One is a statement (a conditional one) . OP used the first, the fact that you translated it into the second, is a you problem.

It’s a question- yes. A question where she poses the suggestion of a potential action : “if I hit you in the face” and asks what the other person thinks the consequences might be if that action were to be carried out:

Baffling that you are trying to dispute this.

Exactly.

And I think the people banging on about OP "threatening" a kid know this, they just want to be argumentative. And/or are the type that think their precious spawn can do no wrong.

The topic of the post was AIBU not is my brother in law being unreasonable. I’d say yeah he was by not disciplining his kid but the poster asked if she was - not the dad! What the kid did to the dog was wrong but what the poster did to the kid was also wrong. Two things can be true at the same time.

How would you feel if I called you a twat?

Notice i didn’t call you one or threaten to call you one.

I would have reacted in the same way, if it was apparent that the ‘parent’ was ignoring shitty behaviour.

I would be perfectly fine if my sister reprimanded my two girls on her ‘watch’ if their behaviour required it.

It is not acceptable to clout an animal with anything: imagine the reaction, had your dog lashed out. Unacceptable to ignore it, and I would have called BIL out in the moment.

I certainly wouldn’t be apologising for defending my pet!

Sounds like your BIL has done a bit of stirring to get himself off the hook.

But his dad would know she clearly didn’t mean she was about to whack him. It was obviously hypothetical.

No- you didn’t call me a twat, you suggested you might call me a twat (with a heavily implied undertone that you think I am a twat and therefore have cause to do so).

Just like OP suggested she might hit the 2 year old in the face

yes but dad wasn’t upset because he thought she might actually hit him in the face, he was upset by what she said to him because it was inappropriate.

Maybe dad should get off his arse and actually parent the kid in that case. If you're going to ignore your child you have no right to complain when other people step in, especially as in this case the safety of the kid and the dog were at risk.

To discipline means "to teach" ...He's 2 and by the sounds of it, the first time he's done it. You can show him what he CAN do and as above, "teach" him how to behave/not to behave without the need to yank his arm or tell him off. Also, whilst talking with vocabulary he probably doesn't understand yet. 2 year olds aren't "unkind," they're largely clueless and learning, testing boundaries and acting on impulses.

You would have had the same outcome without putting your hands on him, especially how you've said you did and showing him how to treat the dog because I can guarantee he's learned nothing from that interaction except that you're rough..

Just to add, I get your reaction. It was just an unhelpful one. Also, don't put your hands on other people's kids. Especially in an instance where you just think you have the right to tell him off so ya, I would say you owe an apology..

You'd have got a smack round the face if you threatened my 2 year old like that. Think you need to grow up tbh. 2 year olds aren't mean and he wouldn't have done it to intentionally hurt the dog. Please don't have children.

BIL sounds useless but doesn't mean you can be vile to a TWO year old.

Well no. To do that she just needed to say “it isn’t nice to hit”

Explain exactly how she threatened the child.

That’s not how you speak to a toddler. Very aggressive response and completely overboard. I’m not surprised your sister is cross.

Adults would know that the OP wasn't actually going to hit the child in the face. Child may not know that. Toddlers are pretty literal.
You can tell a child off without using language like that. I'm not keen on telling a child they've been mean either. Most young children aren't, they just don't think.
The telling off isn't the problem but some of the language is. I must have missed it but who said you yanked the child? It doesn't sound like you did but is your sister annoyed because she thinks that's what happened?

Why have you even started this thread if you’re just going to argue with everyone who says YABU. 😂

Because plenty of us think she is totally in the right and the lazy S and BiL are in the wrong.

People who don’t want others disciplining their kids need to stop slacking off and foisting their responsibilities onto said others.

Parent your kids 24/7 or STFU.